Here’s my story:

I recently moved from NYC to Southern California.While in NYC, I had a triangle friendship with two others (guy and a girl — no pizza place).Everything was cool until I developed feelings for the guy and then found out that they had been secretly dating for over a month.Needless to say this broke my heart, but hey, if they were happy, I was happy.Unfortunately, they were not happy.Their relationship continued for a year, consisting almost entirely of fights and misunderstandings.I was stuck in the middle until the guy extracted himself from the three-way friendship, and then I heard everything from the girls’ perspective.

Fast forward — the guy and the girl break up for good and I become close with the guy again.He explains everything from his perspective and apologizes for being a big jerk to me, and I forgive him.I maintain individual friendships with them, since the relationship destroyed their friendship.A few months later, I make the decision to move across the country, and he and I hang out almost every day until I leave.There are many nights spent together at bars (or cooking dinner or going to the movies or seeing bands or watching trashy teen TV) and all the suppressed feelings start coming back.However, my head knows I’m leaving, so I never say anything.Then I move and we start emailing every day and speaking on the phone a several times a week.

Here’s where the main problem comes in — he’s coming to California for work this week and extending the trip in order to spend the weekend with me.Our emails have been more flirty lately (example: “So where am I going to sleep?”Where do you want to sleep?”With you of course.”) and I’m not sure what is going on in his head.

So the question is: do I profess the love now that he lives 3000 miles away and the rejection fallout will be minimal, or ignore the opportunity and have a fun, drama-free weekend with my friend?

(By the way — the girl has said that now is our opportunity to get together, and that she’s hoping we do because we’re perfect for each other. Point being, I’m not holding back out of concern for her feelings.It’s more a question of my friendship with the guy and the whole long-distance thing.I don’t want to compromise our recently reestablished friendship by introducing “I like you” weirdness.On the other hand, he might be feeling the same way and be too afraid to say anything given his experience with the girl.)

Any insight would be appreciated.I’ve been reading your column for a while and think you give right on advice.(Sorry about the 70s slang.)

Thank you very much,
Waiting for a sign

Dear Sarah,

I had delightful wedding sex with a man after my best friend’s reception last month.I’m recently out of a long, long, long-term relationship, so fun sex with a man who confessed to having harbored a crush on me for a year was just what I needed.Also, he lives six states away, so I didn’t have to worry that he would want to date.

My problem is that now I want to have sex with him again.I don’t want a relationship — he’s pretty fucked up and we don’t have that much in common — but I want to him to come visit me here (where he used to live) because I’m enjoying everything about being single except the no sex part.

I’m in graduate school, and I don’t want to sleep with anyone from there, and I draw the line at strange men in bars.

Should I call Wedding Sex Boy up?Am I being a user? Should I be straightforward?Does the fact that he hasn’t called me mean that he’s not interested in anything further?

Can you tell I have zero experience, having dated the same person since college?

Thanks,
Catholic Girl Starts Much Too Late