Here is a little problem for you. My mother didn’t have much to do with raising me after the sixth grade, due to her wanting to having a second childhood and moving out on my dad. I have kept in contact with her since my son was born fourteen years ago (when I was twenty-four), but I have a hard time spending much time with her. She lives out of town and travels ten hours to visit us (along with several of her friends) about twice a year.

Dear Fed,

Your mother has you over an emotional barrel, and she knows it. She’s able to manipulate you, not only because she’s your mother, but because she’s your son’s grandmother. She’s taking advantage of you, and you need to put a stop to it.

Your mom is an adult, and you’ve let her get away with not acting like one for long enough. The next time she announces that she intends to visit, insist that she 1) come at a time that’s convenient for everyone, not just for her; 2) make her own lodging arrangements, ones that don’t include staying at your home; and 3) make nice with your wife — or else. Insist nicely, but don’t let her bully you into backing down.

You might want to discuss all this with your son, too, if you haven’t already. At fourteen, he’s old enough to know what’s going on and to cast a vote, but regardless of what he says, stop letting your mother ride roughshod over you.

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