The Vine: May 22, 2001
Sars,
Have I got one for you…
My ex’s current girlfriend is semi-stalking me online. Okay, so stalking might not be the best term, but basically she’s sent me harassing emails, somehow found out my instant messenger screenname and IMed me constantly, and she even finds it necessary to peruse my personal site and post harassing comments to people on my web board.
I’m working on getting server privileges so I can block her out, but unfortunately, right now I have to deal. I’ve blocked her from my email, ditched the screenname, and even removed my personal site from the ‘net, but the girl just can’t get enough. She bad-mouths me on public forums, sends people I know nasty emails, et cetera. Everyone tells me she obviously has jealousy issues and she’ll get over it, but I’ve been done with the ex for over six months. I feel like she’s got him, so she should get over it and leave me alone.
My ex knows about the behavior and shows no signs of concern. Even a few of her friends know about it and they do more to encourage the behavior (assisting in her public bashings) than to discourage it.
I’m at the point now where I just don’t know what to do about it. Is this something I should take up with her ISP? How can I deal?
Fed Up
Dear Fed,
How long ago did she start with her campaign of annoyance? Because if it’s only gone on a couple of weeks, I’d advise you just to ignore it and hope she gets tired of it; you’ve got nothing to gain by fighting her. Even interceding with her ISP will only convince her further that you’ve got it in for her.
Anyone who counts knows that she’s cracked. Collect evidence against her if you must, but devoting too much attention to the problem will give her what she wants. Lay low.
Dear Sarah,
I have a rather inane question for you, but it has been causing me an inordinate amount of stress and guilt, and I am quite at a loss as to what to do.
A little over a year ago, I graduated from college. As part of the whole graduation rigmarole, I sent out announcements, and in return received a plethora of “Congratulations, Graduate!” cards from relatives, many of which contained checks. Now here’s the problem: I’ve only sent about five thank-you cards…and it’s a year later…and I just feel so so so very bad about this. All these nice people that I’ve met like one or two times were kind enough to whip out their checkbooks and send me $20 or whatever, and I can’t even get myself together enough to send them a thank-you card. Yes, I know, I’m a horrible horrible person.
So can I do anything about this? Is there any sort of protocol for this sort of thing? Should I send out thank-you cards now that say, “Ummm, I’m sorry this is so late in coming but I really wanted to thank you…” Or would that make me look like even more of a procrastinating moron? Any ideas about how to rid myself of this horrible guilt, or should I just deal with the fact that I have 50 relatives that think I’m an ungrateful snot?
Thank you,
Miss Mannerless
Dear Mannerless,
Better late than never. Send the cards anyway. Write each relative a conversational note letting them know what you’ve gotten up to since they last heard from you, and somewhere in there, mention that you really appreciated the gift and that they thought of you, and you apologize for not getting around to thanking them sooner.
A lot of people don’t care if they never get a thank-you note. The people who do care will hold it against you — often forever — if you don’t send one.
A quick aside here: An announcement of a joyous occasion — a wedding, a baby’s birth, a graduation, whatever — is sent with the expectation that many of those who receive said announcement will send gifts or other acknowledgements. I don’t mean that in a cynical way, although heaven knows I’ve seen announcements deployed in a cynical fashion, but an announcement is by definition not made for its own sake; when you (that’s the general “you,” by the way) send one, you expect a response, and whether it’s cash or a simple note of congratulations doesn’t matter. Sending an announcement and then failing to write thank-you notes for gifts you receive as a result is bad form.
Tags: boys (and girls) etiquette
