Hi. I’m writing for brainstorming more than advice. I just graduated from college and need to send a thank-you gift.

For the last four years, my very wealthy (multi-millionaire) and childless aunt and uncle have given me $5,000 for college. I’m not well off, and my parents have pretty much declined to help me with the cost of school, meaning that’s $20,000 I would otherwise have in student loans.

Which is not say that I don’t have student loans as it is (I do), or that I’ve had an easy road (I work two jobs), just that they’ve given me an enormous hand simply because they like me and I work hard. Also, this is not an offer they’re not extending to their other neices and nephews. As if that’s not enough, they sent me a $500 check as a graduation present. Obviously, I need to send them some kick-ass thank-you present. But what?

Now, I see more financial struggle ahead for me as I’m already committed to a masters program for the fall and don’t have a ton of disposable income, so keep in mind that I’m not buying them BMWs or anything. So, ideas? I realize this lacks the controversy that usually comes with reading the Vine but it’s still on my mind and in my life.

Thanks so much for your help!

Out Of Gift Ideas For People Who Are Stinkin’ Rich

Dear Out,

Well, for starters, your aunt and uncle probably realize that you don’t have the resources to present them with his-and-hers platinum cigarette cases, so I don’t think you need to worry about that.Also, stinkin’ rich people get stinkin’ rich gifts all the time from the other stinkin’ rich folks they hang out with, or they buy them for themselves; you really don’t have to break the bank to buy them a meaningful gift.

You know these people rather well, I assume — they’re family, and close enough to you that they’ve helped with your education — so think about things they like, things they enjoy doing, hobbies they have, and get them a thoughtful gift based on that.It doesn’t have to be expensive; it just has to be something you spent some time thinking about.That means more than the price tag.

Let’s say they like traveling in Europe.Find a nice book, maybe on Amazon or at an antiquarian bookshop, about Italy or Prague or the south of France.Wrap it up and enclose a letter thanking them for all their help and their faith in you and telling them how much you appreciate everything they’ve done for you over the years.

I don’t imagine they expect a gift basket from Red Envelope.If you want to thank them, just…thank them.

Hey Sars,

I’m an outgoing person with lots of friends, but often have trouble in the first stages of meeting people making “small talk” to gain an inroad to conversation.Eventually, I’ll usually get there, talking all things pop culture or what have you.But the journey is often fraught with perils, like talking complete nonsense or taking long pauses to think up something to talk about.I never feel good about that.

I seem to have the most trouble with small talk, though, when in social situations with my extended family and family-friends.A little background: I’m in my mid-20s; my two brothers are in their mid-30s, both married with kids and plenty of in-laws.I’ve lived in the same area my whole life and therefore my parents have had the same friends forever, all of whom I know well because they’ve always been around.So when I find myself at a party or holiday dinner, I find the conversations are very one-sided.My older peers have lots to ask me about: new-ish job, new apartment and roommate, do I have a boyfriend, et cetera.I can’t exactly turn those questions around on them, since all are entrenched in their jobs (or are housewives/moms), own their own homes, and are married.I don’t feel like I can pry for details into their lives because, well, they’re older. (“So, how’s your relationship with Phil? Still having sex?”)

I guess the basic problem I have is not being able to relate, and therefore not knowing the “right” (by which I mean interesting, but also polite) topics to bring up.But I feel like an ass letting them do all the asking.Are there good, standard conversation topics that I can pull out and use to be part of the conversation, not just the focus of it?(And I hope you might have ideas beyond the worldly or political — I have staggeringly divergent opinions from many of them and could end up in a raging argument.)

Tongue-tied

Dear Tongue,

Well, there’s prying, and then there’s taking an interest; just because there’s not much radically new in their lives doesn’t mean they don’t want to talk about it.Asking how their marriage is going won’t work, obviously, but you could inquire about vacations they’ve taken lately, movies or plays they’ve seen, what their kids are up to these days, whether they’ve heard from or about people you know in common — that kind of thing.Notice a piece of jewelry someone has on, and compliment it.Remark on how good they look; ask if they’ve changed their hair.

There’s a hundred things you can say to get the ball rolling — “wow, this wine is really nice,” “I’ve just started a new tai chi workout and it’s killing me — you do yoga, right?”, “that ring is lovely; I love pear-cut stones,” “God, I’m overdressed, the weather is so strange lately,” blah blah blah.It’s actually pretty easy to get people talking if you’ve got an opening line; try to pick up on their interests and run with those.

And if you don’t really have anything much to say, don’t say anything.I know it’s difficult to resist filling a conversational vacuum, but it’s perfectly okay to let a silence breathe.

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