The Vine: May 26, 2000
I have been friends with this guy since our first year of university. Just plain, ordinary, “Hey, how’s it goin’?” friends. Three years later, we ended up living less than a minute from each other, so we started hanging out, watching movies, and generally sitting around and feeling lethargic together. He’s a great guy, and we get along wonderfully, so we pretty much became part of each other’s daily routine.
Here’s where my impulsive streak kicks in. Ack. So one night, as he’s pulling on his shoes to stumble home after an exciting night of watching movies and listening to Belle and Sebastian for four hours, I, from out of NOWHERE, kiss him. As far as guys go, this is so unlike me I have a hard time convincing myself that it actually happened. Anyway, we talked about it for what seemed like hours, and really reached no conclusion except that we would “set it aside.” Whether that means for a while or forever, I have no idea, but I was pretty sick of dissecting it by that point, so we left it at that.
Cut to now, about a month later, and I get to what I would actually like input on – namely, how to get some semblance of a good working friendship back. We’ve continued to hang out, although not as often, but it has been “exam time” and un-exam-like things don’t take top priority. I’d just like to try and move on, and spend some mindless quality time with the boy. Any ideas on how to break back in?
Sincerely,
Laughing Wild Amid Severest Woe
Dear Laughing,
Damn that Belle and Sebastian — nobody but the Cocteau Twins stirs up more trouble between platonic friends.
Just kidding (sort of). I will assume, since you haven’t said otherwise in your letter, that you neither want nor intend to kiss him again, and that he has acted relatively chill – i.e. “not like a trapped animal” – when you’ve seen him since then. Taking these as givens, I think you should just proceed under the assumption that he’s not weirded out and go back to feelings-of-lethargy as usual. Go to his house and hang, invite him to your house to hang, and resist the urge to analyze the hanging. If he’s behaving more or less normally, don’t bring it up, because in my experience, making a point of how a given kiss meant nothing – even if you mean it – tends to give the opposite impression. In other words, set an example and blow it off.
If, however, he’s giving off a weirded-out vibe, or making shady excuses to get out of face time, tell him that you want things to revert to friend mode, and that he needs to tell you if he’s tweaking and can’t handle it. You sound like good enough friends that one smooch out of left field shouldn’t present a problem, if you don’t let it.
Tags: boys (and girls)
