Some reading suggestions:

Dear S,

Thanks for the suggestions. Other readers also recommended the Allen and various Morgensterns for “Starting to lose track.”

Keep in mind that, while books like this can really help, you shouldn’t treat them like gospel, or feel lame that you can’t (or don’t want to) implement everything they suggest. The main selling point of these primers is to get you thinking about your work style and habits in a new way, so you can make changes as needed. Use them as guides, not marching orders.

I am the mother to two gorgeous and wonderful little girls. This might not be your area of expertise, but my oldest (four years old) is obsessed with her body. She sings songs about her vagina (we tell them the real names of their body parts) and is particularly in love with her belly button and nipples…to the point that she is trying to show them to people in the line to see Pooh: The Heffalump Movie. Any advice for my predicament?

Dear Nip,

You’ve got the best nom de Vine in quite some time, so there’s that. Hee.

This really isn’t my area of expertise, you’re right, but I think kids just go through phases like this sometimes where the world is their nudist colony, and it’s not pathological or anything. They’re just learning about their bodies, and three and four are, I think, ages where kids are becoming more aware of themselves as discrete entities (i.e. separate from you), because they can do more stuff now than they could before — dress themselves, eat with big-girl forks, use the regular potty, and so on. So, I suspect that this is a part of that for your daughter, just emphasizing to herself that this is herself, her body, what she’s made of.

And I’m sure your pediatrician, and other parents, have told you that it’s normal, but that doesn’t answer the question of what to do when she’s holding a navel Q&A at the movies, and it gets sort of sticky here, because you don’t want to stigmatize the body for her, but on the other hand…manners. It’s great that she knows the right names for things; that’s a key step in letting her feel familiar with and fond of her bod. But you might want to have a little talk with her about when it’s appropriate to model the latest in nipples — i.e. not in front of strangers — and that while you agree that her body is really neat, it’s also really special and she should share it with family and friends only.

…Or something along those lines. You want to split the difference between polite behavior and shaming, which is no good, so if the readers have any suggestions for body-positive ways to tell a four-year-old to keep that shirt tucked in, let me know.

Or you could just wait for it to pass. Out in the world, grown-ups know that kids get ideas in their heads now and then; it’s not really offensive or anything, it’s just something she should stop doing eventually, and eventually, she’ll probably figure that out.

Share!