The Vine: May 30, 2006
Hi Sarah,
You get a lot of letters like the one from “Stuck on step zero” and having been
in a similar situation I’d like to suggest the United Way’s http://211.org as a
great resource. They generally can help you find low or no-cost counseling or
other services. And they know how to get you started, so you don’t have to
“think” so much until you actually can.
Awesome folks — they really do a ton of good. They certainly got me out of a
bad situation.
T
Dear T,
Thanks for the suggestion. The United Way does a lot of good in ways you’d never think of off the top of your head.
Sars,
I have been reading TN and TWoP for a long time and have a great deal of respect for your opinions and views, especially regarding popular culture. I could think of no one better to turn to when this whole business of Tom Cruise and Scientology vs. South Park “thing” started creating a minor rift among my group of friends.
So, I think Tom Cruise is nuts and needs to go away. I have no real issues with Scientology as a “religion” or any of the myriad of people who also belong to this “religion.” However, I believe that Mr. Cruise has gone above and beyond the lid of the looney bin by wielding his star power for the dark side. The comments about Brooke Shields and psychiatry in general. Haranguing Matt Lauer, couch-jumping and now this rumor that he put the kibosh on the “trapped in the closet” episode of South Park. I have been urging my friends to boycott any further projects staring Tom Cruise. Since he really is ONLY a movie star the only way I see to prevent him from eventually taking over the world as the proclaimed reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard is to stop letting his movies make money. Then producers and directors might stop casting him and then the general public and distibution companies might not lend as much credence to his views and threats.
I’m only a little bit kidding about the whole reincarnation of Hubbard thing — I’m just saying, man, those Scientologists sure do love him.
Anyway, so I put this idea out there, boycott the Tom Cruise machine, and one of my friends thinks it’s ridiculous and turned it into a freedom-of-religion issue and started equating it to that poor man in Afghanistan who might be put to death for converting to Christianity…then he was all “well it’s not censorship unless the government is behind it. This is just business.”
I realize my growing anger and possible obsession with Tom Cruise and the growth of Scientology’s popularity are pretty derivative and silly in a world full of larger issues, but as a writer and a student of the arts and society it’s issues like these that…ooh I don’t know, give me something to think about at work besides how much my job sucks. You know?
So, I’m wondering…got any thoughts on this South Park/Tom Cruise/Scientology/censorship issue that seems to be growing?
Go ahead and sue me, Cruise
Dear Sue,
I wouldn’t call it a freedom-of-speech issue or a freedom-of-religion issue. The government isn’t involved. We live in a litigious society; Tom Cruise is one of its more litigious members when it comes to enforcing “his truth”; Comedy Central didn’t want to deal with that aggro. So, I would agree with your friend’s point that it’s just business, because I’ll tell you, I’ve talked metric tons of shit about Tom Cruise, and if his lawyers came after me, I would back right down. I would have to. He has the money to prosecute bullshit like this, I don’t have the money to defend such a case even if I’m right, end of story.
Do I find the industry’s continued humoring of Cruise’s crackpottitude faintly ridiculous? Of course, because, much like some of the other ways in which Hollywood “works,” it is faintly ridiculous. But they do it because he makes them money, and the minute that stops being true, the same people that went on his compulsory Scientology-HQ tours in the past in order to get him on board with opening a picture for them are going to tell him to fuck off with that nonsense.
But it’s not like we as a society live in terror of discussing Cruise openly, or like our schoolchildren have to recite a pledge of allegiance to the flag of the Confederated States of Scientology.
It’s that, in America in 2006, the rich and famous get to be obnoxious and/or bonkers without paying any consequences, and the rest of us have to deal with dress codes and coach class and the word “no” and all the other agita that a guy like Tom Cruise can pay to make disappear. And if you think about the relative “justice” of that state of affairs, you’ll go nuts, so my advice is to continue not to be a kookoopants yourself, or, if you must be a kookoopants, to be a benevolent and non-harassing kookoopants.
Dear Sars,
I’m finishing my freshman year at college. I’ve been dating my boyfriend, A, for quite a while now, everything is wonderful between us. I’ve met all of his family, spent several weekends at their place and over all I really like them. Heck, his mom even thinks I’m great. So whats the problem? His brother, B.
To put it bluntly, B’s sense of humor bothers me to no end. His idea of funny is to say hurtful things, then laugh like everything is just fine. An example: The last time I was over at their place, B came down to the living room with the rest of us and sat down. We’re watching TV, and he starts saying, “Girl! Girl!” over and over, until I responded with, “I have a name, you know.” B looks at me and just says, “No you don’t. My cat has a name, I call her by it, but you don’t. That’s how important you are to me.” Which makes me feel like crap, especially since his jokes aren’t always in such bad taste.
I really don’t think I’m being overly sensitive to this supposed humor. I asked A about it, and he said that’s just B’s way of being funny, and it shows that he likes me. I thought guys were supposed to stop that whole “pick on the girl until she cries if you like her” thing after adolescence. It almost feels as if he’s jealous of A having a girlfriend (B broke up with his a little while after A and I got together) and wants to drive me off. Frankly, I’d think B would be just a bit more mature than this, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s 25, still living at home with no job, and barely even taking classes.
My question is, how do I get him to at least tone it down? I doubt I’ll be able to stop it completely, but other than telling him to knock it off, I can’t really think of a good way to go about it. The way he says these things is not funny to me at all, and I can’t exactly fall back on my normal way of dealing with it, which would be to just not hang around him. A and I are pretty serious, and his brother is very important to him. I don’t want to make B angry or defensive, but there’s only so much of this that I can take. If you’ve got any advice on how to phrase “Shut the hell up already!” a bit more diplomatically, I could really use it. Other than the obnoxious humor, B is a decent guy, we’ve had some good conversations when he’s not being a jerk. I don’t want to feel like I have to be on the defensive whenever I’m at their home, especially since I enjoy being there.
Bad Humor
Dear Bad,
Okay, seriously? “My cat has a name, I call her by it, but you don’t. That’s how important you are to me”? That is some weak shit, right there. For real. My brother broke off louder snaps than that when he was six. I agree that it’s pathetic, but to let it actually anger you is, I think, more of a response than it warrants.
Just ignore it — ignore it entirely, or laugh it off with an “…okay, dude,” because when a guy like that is trying to score points off you by telling you how little he cares about you, he’s full of shit, for starters, and again, it’s just not that good an insult that you should get upset. I literally would be like, “Yeah, good one, Chet,” because: what?
Ask your boyfriend how much latitude you have to ignore or blow off B, and start doing it, but…toughen up a little bit. He’s childish, and his jokes are crap. This isn’t a fight worth picking. It isn’t a fight, period.
Tags: etiquette popcult the fam
