The Vine: May 6, 2003
Sars —
Whether or not this makes it to The Vine’s final cut, I wondered it somehow
you could write to some extent on the separation of friends. I graduated high
school in 1998, and the best friends I had while in school are drifting. I
sincerely love these people. They’re my brothers, more or less. It was always
the four of us…at parties, football games, dances…we were inseparable,
and even spoke of the future, and how we would remain friends forever. I was
always aware that this would probably not be the case, but now that I see us
growing apart, I am troubled.
My character in the group was the wise, smart,
sarcastic one. I was the lowest on the chain, the butt of more jokes than the
rest. But I was also the one with answers. I could advise on many a topic,
and I was the one with good grades, good test scores, and the intelligence. I
am comfortable saying this now.
So. If I was aware of the future then, why does the present bother me now? Is
this separation normal? Am I better off?
Thank you so much.
Jakob
Dear Jakob,
Yes, it’s normal — it’s unfortunate, but it’s normal.Without knowing what any of you wound up doing after high school, I can’t really say why you’ve drifted apart from your friends, but the usual reasons probably apply: distance; different interests picked up in the interim; other relationships that take up time; just not having much in common anymore.
I wouldn’t use the term “better off,” necessarily; again, I can’t really say whether it’s a good thing overall without knowing more about the specifics.But it’s a natural progression as you go through your life that you grow apart from people in your past — not all of them, but some of them.Don’t fight it too hard.You can still look back fondly on those relationships even if they don’t have as much currency in your life now.
For The Vine:
I started seeing the word “softwaremaker” in newspapers and magazines about two years ago. I never recall seeing it before that. And recently the frequency of use seems to have really jumped.Since software has been around for a long time this strikes me as odd. Also, the word kind of annoys me for some reason — it’s looks like a bastardized German or Dutch word that is used just to seem cool or something, when the English phrase “software maker” or “software company” seems to be just as acceptable.
Do you have any background on this word? Was it recently coined? Is it legit (I’m sure it is, the New York Times uses it)? Do you remember seeing it prior to the mid- to late ’90s?
Christian
Dear Christian,
I’ve never seen that coinage before, myself — fortunately, because it’s annoying.I could see hyphenating the term, I guess, but I really don’t see the purpose of mushing them together that way.A Google search I did on the term suggested that I search again under “software maker,” so we aren’t the only ones who think it looks weird.
Merriam-Webster Online doesn’t have a listing for “softwaremaker,” and neither of my Webster’s Collegiates has it either, although I don’t have the most recent editions.We’ll see if it shows up in the 11C, but until then, I’d just keep using “software maker” as two words.It’s certainly not incorrect.
Hi there,
I have to vent about the worst cats in
the world, and ask for advice about how they should be punished (yes, I’m
really serious).
On Saturday, I went to get my hair colored.I dropped my child with my
mom, and planned to spend a lovely day in the hair salon turning my black
hair auburn brown.I left the house at 8 AM and didn’t fill up the cat
feeder (which I realize now was where the day went wrong), figuring I
would come home at lunch and give them something.After my hair
appointment, I was so damn happy, I went to get a tattoo, only to find the
place was full and didn’t have time for me.I went out to see a movie and then out to dinner.
After this full day, I got home at about 8:30.I was trying on some of the
new clothes I had bought while shopping and thought I heard the toilet
running.I went to the bathroom, thinking I would just jiggle the handle,
and my foot went into 1 1/2 inches of water.The fucking faucet was on. My
bathroom and the bedroom connected to it were covered in 1 1/2 inches of
standing water.All of my dry-clean-only clothes in a pile in the bedroom,
ruined by one burgundy skirt that runs when it gets wet.Boxes of pictures
of my only child, under my bed, ruined.Every single towel, sheet, and
blanket in the house was sopping because I valiantly tried to soak up the
water.
Then I saw the freaking cats.Two of them were coming up to me, trying to
rub my leg and make me feel happy since I was screaming at this point.The
culprit, Spot, ran from me and would not come near me.She’s always the
one getting into trouble.This time, it appears that the cats turned the
faucet on and knocked a roll of toilet paper that was sitting on the
counter into the sink, thereby rendering the drain useless.
Yes, this is a horrible, unbelievable story.Now, I’m trying to decide how
long is an appropriate time to keep the damn cat in jail (her crate). She’s
lucky that she belongs to my son, and that we just lost one of our other
cats, because this one almost didn’t make it.
[deep calming breath]
Okay…sorry this is so long, hope the day is good and the weather out
there isn’t too bad.
Thanks,
Jo
Dear Jo,
Let the cat out.A cat is not a child; sending her to her room isn’t going to work the way it does on a human.It isn’t going to work at all, in fact.
Unless you catch a cat in the act of doing something naughty, there’s no point in punishing her.Cats don’t think that way; she won’t remember what she’s getting punished for, or figure to herself, “Oh, it’s because I did [x] naughty thing earlier today.”Explain it to her all you want, but crating won’t change her behavior or send a message; it’ll only make her miserable.
If you want your cat to leave the faucets alone, you need to tighten the screws so little paws can’t turn them, close the bathroom off to the cats when you aren’t home, spritz the cats with a water pistol when they get up on the bathroom counter, or some combination of all three in order to cat-proof the bathroom.But the punishment idea is a bad one.You’ll just make the cat more neurotic and attention-hoggy.
Sars,
I understand that you are an intelligent, witty, and knowledgeable person.Most people consider me to be similar; however, I have come across a problem that has taxed my wits beyond taxing!I hope that you could find, in your vast expanse of knowledge, an answer to this riddle of mine.
How can one reheat fried chicken without making the crunchy outside all soggy and moist?It’s fine when I pull it out of the oil and put it on the plate…but after I put it in the fridge and then try to reheat it, it comes out all soggy, thus making me sad.
I thought about putting it in the oven, but that would take time…please, is there anything else I can do?!
Lost and Saddened Chickenboy
Dear Chick,
Off the top of my head, I’d recommend microwaving it with a paper towel underneath and over the top to wick away the sogginess.
A Google search (which also brought up an entry on “cheese-fried chicken breasts” — I think I had a heart attack just typing that out) gave me another idea; it’s supposed to apply to reheating pizza, and it’s sort of labor-intensive, but that might work.Or you might get a meal-to-go fried chicken at your local supermarket’s deli counter and see what instructions they provide on the box for reheating the fried chicken.
Or you can just stick it on the broiler for ten minutes on a no-stick pan; that’s probably the best option, and it doesn’t take that much longer than the microwave.
Dear Sars,
I am in the process of packing up and getting the hell out of Austin, where I’ve lived on and off since 1998.I’m trying to build a new life for myself, and have for some time now — I’m doing the therapy, talking to friends, trying to branch out, and now have managed to figure out what I want from my life, professionally speaking.I’m not even going to get into the personal crap.We’d be here forever.
My problem has to do with my father.We don’t get along too well — ever since my small girlhood (say, about seven years old), he’s been more interested in crushing and controlling me than in being a supportive parent.He’s mocked my appearance, my eating habits, bitched about my musica and academic lives, and generally made an ass of himself and then expected my unconditional forgiveness.Which I gave, which led to the same damn shit.Well, I’ve managed to break the cycle and have pretty much shut him out of my life, ‘cos I just don’t need it.
To get to the point: I will be moving in the fall, around September if my financial plan goes as hoped (I’ve had some setbacks, but have regrouped and held on).What is a reasonable lead time for him to know I’m leaving?I’m trying to be realistic — I know I’ll be in for some kind of ragging, I just want to minimize what I have to hear.I can do my own angsting about moving, thankyaverramuch.My mom doesn’t need to get roped into this either — she’s great, totally supportive, and will have to deal with his bitchery in the aftermath without having to get sucked in any sooner than necessary.
Nervous Houdini
Dear Houdini,
A month should do it.A month isn’t so much time that you can’t grit your teeth and count it down if he starts in on you, but it isn’t so little that he’ll feel blindsided.
And if he does start in, don’t argue.A flat “thanks for your input — I’ll miss you too, Dad” and a departure from his presence should do it.
Tags: cats friendships grammar rando the fam
