I just wanted to send a big THANK YOU to Book Lover for recommending booksforsoldiers.com.While the site requests books, it also requests birthday cards, Christmas cards, and pen pals for soldiers. I work in a high school in Cincinnati and am the community service club director.These are definitely things we can do that don’t really cost a lot of money (which is always the problem with many of the projects the kids want to do).I’d totally recommend it for other school teachers/administrators out there — it would be great for students of any age, I think!

Thanks,
A

Dear A,

My pleasure.

Another reader, Troop Supporter, had this to add:

I thought you might like to pass along another website that helps support U.S. soldiers: www.anysoldier.us.You send packages or letters to commanding officers, who then pass them out to soldiers who don’t get much mail.Pretty much anything is needed…hygiene items, snacks, books, DVDs, phone cards…the list goes on and on.

Even if all you have time for is a letter, a lot of men and women in uniform would just like to hear from a friendly voice back home.If you have a few minutes today, head to one of these sites and see if there’s something you have the time and/or money to help out with — the holidays are coming up, and maybe you can make that easier and happier for them with a care package or a note.

Whatever you feel about Bush (and I think my position there is reasonably clear), the members of the armed forces are working hard and trying to make the best of a tough job.And today is Veterans’ Day, so consider commemorating it by sending our troops a little something — and if you know a veteran, get him or her a card or say thanks.

Hey Sars,

I’m kind of hoping you can help me out with this project I’m doing. I
was incredibly frustrated with this past election, how it was run more
than anything else. I think that way too many things happened that
deprived people of their right to vote. I personally almost didn’t get
to vote because of a screw-up with the absentee ballots from my
county. So what I did was make a very simple website centered around a
guestbook. What I’m trying to do is to get people to sign the
guestbook with stories about their voting experience. I’m hoping that
enough people with sign that it will get attention and possibly help
to fix the rampant problems of the past couple of elections. I don’t
know how much my site will accomplish but I felt that I had to do
something and I’ve also got the feeling that the media just doesn’t
care.

But if you could possibly help me spread the word about my site I
would really appreciate it. Nothing will ever change if no one
complains.

Here’s my URL: http://elcohn.people.wm.edu/index.html

Thanks for any help you can give me!

Elissa Cohn
Senior at the College of William and Mary

Dear Elissa,

Consider it spread.

I for one haven’t had any problems voting — except for 2001, when the board of elections couldn’t shift itself to send me an absentee form in spite of three requests.Oh, and then there’s the districting that drew a line through the middle of my sophomore-year dorm (this happened in several places on campus) so that nobody knew where to vote.Oh, wait, and Union County still thinks I live there, so I could have voted twice last week because I’m still on the rolls after ten years.

Oh, and the NYC BoE website crashed for a full day this year.Nice one.

I think, given the size of the country, that we should probably be glad that the system works as well as it does — but there are serious problems with the uniformity of machines, serious problems with partison phone antics, and so on, and while the media isn’t uninterested, I think it’s no longer “news” as such that there are irregularities.If you had a problem voting, you should report it to your local board of elections, and to your local and state representatives — and I think the next step at the federal level is educating voters about what to do if they can’t vote, or if they’re getting calls telling them not to come to the polls.

I’ve said it before, but voting every year helps individual voters to bust a lot of these screw-ups and shenanigans, because if you go to the polls every year, you know your polling place, you know your ward, you know how it’s supposed to work, and if it’s not working that way, you know to say something.If you’re only going every four years, you’re less familiar with the system and you might not spot it as easily if something’s amiss.So, go every year, sign the book every year, and keep your eyes open.

Hi Sars,

I’ve read the comments you’ve published about the gay marriage bans, and I have one thing I don’t recall seeing. Some of us (I’m a Christian who voted for Kerry) are in favor of a compromise that gets the government out of the “marriage” business entirely. That would be civil unions for EVERYBODY. Gay or straight, any couple who wants legal recognition of their relationships would apply for a civil union, which could be as simple as the equivalent of today’s marriage license. They could then choose to be married separately in any way they choose — or not, if they don’t want to. This puts all couples on the same level legally and, as a bonus, eliminates some hairy church vs. state issues (like ministers declaring a couple married “by the power vested in me by this state”).

The real problem is that the militants on both sides of the issue are unwilling to compromise. I’ve talked to a lot of people about the civil-unions-for-all option, and most are fine with it, both liberals and conservatives. However, most of these people are also moderates, and as is the case with nearly everything else these days, it’s the extremists who balk. They all seem to have forgotten that this country was built on compromise.

I don’t know how this is going to play out. It took nine years for us to get from Rosa Parks sitting in the front of a bus to federal civil rights legislation. I certainly don’t expect this issue to be resolved any faster.

I have no ideas for clever names today

Dear Clever,

I like the idea of civil unions.When you think about it, a lot of the “traditions” of marriage that our society used to take for granted have fallen by the wayside — some people still observe them, which is okay, but women don’t automatically change their names anymore; “love, honor, and obey” is out of favor with a lot of people; fathers don’t “give away” their daughters as often as they used to.The so-called institution of marriage is not a static one and never has been.

And you make an excellent point about the opposite ends of the spectrum controlling the discussion for those in the middle.I don’t think most of the citizens of the states who voted to ban gay marriage spend their free time sitting around and thinking of ways to foil engaged lesbians, but when the debate is framed in alarmist “vote for the ban, or Nathan Lane is going to get married ON YOUR LAWN” terms, unfortunately people react to that.So, maybe our first step in making sure it plays out in a positive way is to take the argument back from the edges.Well…that particular edge, anyway.I don’t actually know that there’s a matching extreme on the left that’s insisting on marrying men to each other willy-nilly just to make a point.

Although that would be kind of chaotically awesome.”Sarah and…that lady over there!Get married!Right now!””Wow, okay, but…I’m not actually –“”Silence!Marry!””But she’s already married.To a guy.And I don’t like girls that –“”MARRY, INFIDELS!”[sound of rifle cocking]And then I come home for Thanksgiving all, “Ma, Dad, this is my wife…my wife…what was your name again?””Josie.””Josie, right.This is my wife Josie, and her husband Bill, and her husband’s husband…Jeff, is it?We brought wine.”

But I think that’s what the extreme right is afraid is going to happen anyway, so maybe we should just all buddy up with spouses and then their heads will all explode and everyone wins.Prospective wives, line forms to the left.Heh.

Sars, I must congratulate you and Wing Chun on your inspired decision to let Jesus into the GBC.Truly an unexpected plot twist.Several years ago, a group of friends and I watched a television news article featuring footage of SUVs.According to the screen graphic, the piece was called “WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive.”(We were in a bar and the sound, unfortunately, was off.)

After a very heated and alcohol-fueled debate, we came to the conclusion that Jesus would drive a powder-blue Vespa.The idea behind this was that Jesus could shoosh up sideways — skittering palm leaves in his wake — toss his manly locks, and greet his bystanders with a husky “Ciao.”(Jesus was…not Italian, I know.It just fit with the image.We were looking for a mode of transportation that would showcase the robes, and…the leap just happened.)I’ve forwarded your column to a few of the people involved in this discussion, and we had a few questions.

First question.Would you agree with the Vespa?(Our decision was definitely pre-GBC, after all.Would he ride a regular old Schwinn to prove he’s just like the rest of us, or perhaps a bicycle-built-for-three all by himself?)

Second question.Helmet or no?A subset of our discussion group disagreed with the “manly toss of the mane” concept on principle.They assured us that Jesus would set a moral example by always wearing a helmet.(Therefore the image of our saviour’s hair floating in the wind would be quashed by a color-coordinated bucket and chinstrap.The rest of us were pretty sure he wouldn’t wear one, because a) the whole living dangerously/martyr thing would nix that, b) what state patroller would give Jesus a traffic violation, and c) the whole “dying for our sins” business didn’t involve expiring from injuries caused by a four-donkey pileup.

Curious — and most likely disturbed — minds want to know!

Dear Curious,

Speaking of the religious right’s heads exploding…damn.

I think Jesus is probably riding a busted-down Schwinn he found at the curb, or two unicycles he tied together (he’s a carpenter, and therefore handy), and he’s definitely wearing a helmet because the Holy Ghost would take one look at his jalopy-cycle and go, “Kid, you’re gonna kill yourself on that shit…again,” and march his ass to Modell’s.But he’d wear it anyway, I think, because part of Jesus’ thing was that nobody is really better than anyone else in the eyes of the Lord, so even though he’s divine and doesn’t have to wear a helmet, he’d do it anyway.The guy washed his friends’ feet, after all.

Wing and I did have a Girls’ Deity Club discussion where we tried to figure out whether Jesus would be the annoying hippie who’s always going around turning lights off when he comes over to your house and lecturing you on composting, or if he’d be the cool, centered photographer guy you had a crush on in high school — kept his own counsel, but really interesting once you got him talking.I think it’s the latter.

If anyone’s on a Vespa, it’s Mercury.Show-off.

Dear Sarah,

Just a quick public-transport-etiquette question — I was on a packed train
this morning where everyone was rammed together in a “would you mind
scratching my nose? Thanks” style. One of my fellow commuters was a short,
enormously fat man in his forties (I would guess). After the first stop, I
had to move back a little further into the carriage. This brought me into
contact with Mr Gut. And I mean “into contact.” His belly was pressing into me
from my shoulder blades to my thighs. I am deeply sympathetic to people who
are larger than average, particularly in a crowded train carriage where they
have to be feeling self-conscious. But I think this man was feeling me.
Let’s just say, his movements were not in time to the rhythm of the train
although they were…rhythmic. Even if he wasn’t getting a thrill out of
it, he was pressing against me so hard that I had to lean forward to keep my
balance.

Should I have said something? At what point? And how?

On London Transport, No One Can Hear You Scream

Dear Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Scream Anyway,

Pleasant but firm.(Ew, “firm.”Sorry.You know what I mean.)”Sir, I’m sorry to bother you, and I know it’s quite crowded, but if you could maybe move back a bit, I’d appreciate it.I’m having trouble balancing.”Say it politely, but audibly; sometimes you have to embarrass people to get results.And if he’s not doing it on purpose, he’ll just move back, problem solved.

The other trick that works if another passenger is getting grabby or thrusty — turn around to face him.He can’t reach your ass, and your face is right in his.You don’t have to say anything; just stand there impassively.Eye contact: kills grabs dead.

[11/11/04]

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