Sars,

As someone with a lifelong history of similar back pain due to scoliosis (among other things) I feel Matt’s pain. Some options -– if the new bed is harder than the old one, Matt could try putting a mattress topper on –- they come in regular foam and that Tempurpedic memory foam.My bed is quite firm, but I got a mattress with the pillow topping and I do really well with that.It’s hard, when you have back pain, to gauge exactly what kind of bed will be best –- you pretty much won’t know until you actually sleep in it for a while and adjust to it.Your idea with the pillows is a good one, too.Experimenting with different types may also make a big difference.

Sweet dreams!

Counting The Hours Until I Can Get Back Into My Bed

Dear Counting,

Thanks for the suggestions — other readers also suggested a mattress topper.More ideas appear below, and if I got them more than once, they’re asterisked.

A soft-sided waterbed
A medically prescribed mattress or mattress pad/”overlay” (try medical equipment suppliers)*
An extra-firm mattress*
Yoga*
A body pillow like the Snoogle
Visit a doctor or rheumatologist to rule out ankylosing spondylitis
Chiropractic adjustment*
Aerobic activity
Try sleeping on your side with a pillow between your knees for a week*
The Simmons BackCare mattress
Relax The Back TempurPedic pillows
Wal-Pil-O
Physical therapy*
A futon
Pilates*
A TempurPedic mattress (or the off-brand versions)*
Alexander technique
Feldenkrais Method
If you sleep on your back, don’t use a pillow; roll a towel under your neck for support
Don’t sleep on your stomach
See an osteopath
Massage therapy
Sleep Number beds*

My favorite turkey replacements on Thanksgiving really depend on what else is being served.If all of the side dishes your family will be offering are starchy, it might be nice to make a green vegetable.I often sautee broccoli in peanut sauce (try House of Tsang, which is available at most chain groceries) or asparagus with shallots, butter, and herbes de provence.

If you think she’d rather have some protein, a great replacement is pan-fried tofu in peanut sauce.Gently squeeze as much moisture as possible from extra-firm tofu thoroughly, then slice into wide, thin slices (so you only have to fry two sides).Pan-fry the tofu in very hot olive oil, adding plenty of salt, and then drain the tofu on a paper towel.Finally, briefly sautee the tofu in the peanut sauce, just to make sure the tofu absorbs the flavor well.

If that is too much trouble, grill portobello mushroom caps, and serve them with a little dab of goat cheese or boursin on top.

Whatever you end up doing, your friend will love that you put in the effort!

Signed,
A Long-Time Vegetarian Who Still Misses Turkey Sometimes…

Dear Miss,

Great ideas — others appear below (you can Google for recipes, or check some of the sites/mags I mentioned further down).If I got a suggestion more than once, as always, it’s asterisked.

Lentil-chestnut roll
Tofurky roast or deli slices*
Garden Protein’s veggie turkey breast
Baked tofu
Salad*
Stuffing
Various varieties of potato — sweet, mashed, twice-baked*
Pumpkin pie*
Quorn’s turkey tasting roll or Quorn roast*
Real Eat products
Wild rice*
Ratatouille
Tofu or veggie pot pie*
Brussels sprouts
Green beans with mushroom sauce
Grilled asparagus
Soups — butternut squash, acorn squash, pumpkin, ham-less split pea*
Veggie lasagna
Eggplant parmesan
Veggie/mushroom gravy
Grill a portobello mushroom
Seasonal ravioli*
Vegan nut roast
Quiche
Vegetable samosas
Risotto*
Unturkey
Mac and cheese
Morningstar Farms products
Stuffed acorn squash*
Curried vegetables*

Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking
vegweb.com
The November issue of Vegetarian Times*
Real Simple‘s November issue
Vegan Gourmet magazine
The Passionate Vegetarian cookbook
Get your friend’s mom’s recipe for your friend’s favorite comfort food*
Search Kim O’Donnel’s chats on washingtonpost.com for vegetarian Thanksgiving dishes*
Thanksgiving Charms
Bon Appetit magazine
Look in Cooking Light for ideas for sides*
epicurious.com for meatless entrees and sides*
Offer to bring appetizers, and fill up on those
Almost Vegetarian
The Post Punk Kitchen website at www.theppk.com
Indian recipes at recipedelights.com
The New Vegetarian Epicure
The Vegetarian Family Cookbook
recipesource.com
Ask your guest to bring a side dish she likes and can eat*
The Moosewood Cookbook*
Make sure the stuffing/mashed potatoes aren’t made with chicken broth*
Recipes at vegcooking.com

Hi Sars!

I have a ton of questions that I would love to ask you ranging from boys, friends, and cats, but the one that has been nagging at me is regarding wedding etiquette, particularly invitations, wedding gift baskets. Considering the nuptials of Mr. and Mrs. S (congrats to them both), maybe you have some insight?

Some backstory: my boyfriend has a group of male friends that he has known at least since elementary school. Every guy in the group has since coupled up and the “girlfriends” have gotten close too. All, of course, except for one, I’ll call her A. We, to put it mildly, do not like her, and that includes the males in the group. I don’t want to get into the specifics of the situation to avoid identification, but she has done some pretty horrible things to her boyfriend, B, including sabotage the relationship he left her to pursue (why he went back to her, I have no clue) and she is generally unpleasant to be around. She has become a mild annoyance, but we all just deal because we want to be supportive to B.

Now, one of the couples has gotten engaged, M and K. The wedding isn’t for a while, but at a recent get-together K and I were chatting about their wedding plans, as women are wont to do, and K mentioned that she will not be inviting A to her wedding. Specifically, she will be inviting B, but not B and guest. That immediately came off as rude to me, as well as a breach of some sort of etiquette code, but I didn’t want to say anything at the time. It is also worth mentioning that B will be a groomsman on the big day, too.

Sars, is it rude for K to do this? I think she thinks she is justified because it is “her day,” but weddings are huge events, this one included, it’s not like she will have to deal with A at all that day if she doesn’t want to. Yes, A is not that pleasant, but she is B’s girlfriend, shouldn’t she be invited? Should I say something to K? If so, how do you say such a thing to a friend?

Thanks in advance for your help, Sars.

Signed,
Why am I worried about someone else looking bitchy?

Dear Because It Passes The Time,

I guess she’s “justified” in inviting whomever she chooses; the issue from where I sit is more that it’s going to cause unnecessary conflict.I agree with you that, if she’s that worried on her damn wedding day about not liking A, she’s got her priorities out of whack — and I also think that, if you know full well one of your attendants has a plus-one, and you deliberately don’t invite that plus-one, it’s rude.I mean, I suppose it’s allowed; again, the couple can invite people at will.But it’s my feeling that either everyone in an established couple gets a guest, or no one does, and it’s one thing to make an exception in the “okay, you can bring her” direction, but if you do it in the other direction?That’s a declaration of war.

This is really M’s job to point out to K, but if it comes up, you might mention to her that you think taking a hard line in this case is going to create more drama than it prevents.If she doesn’t agree, drop it, but I don’t think you’re obligated to listen to her bitch if that turns out to be the case, either.

[11/16/06]

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