Dear Sars,

I have a question concerning job interview etiquette.I love my current job, but they seem to have a problem with paying me on time.My cheque is often a day late, sometimes up to three.So far I have been able to deal with it, but this time around, it’s going to cause me some issues with getting bills paid on time et cetera.Also, it is getting really tiring so I’m thinking of looking for a new job.I’ve only been at my current job for about six months, so if an interviewer asks me why I’m considering leaving, what do I say?I don’t want to badmouth my current employer, and I like the work I do; this is the only reason why I’m thinking of leaving.

Thanks,
Haven’t Won The Lottery Yet

Dear Lottery,

A vague “I wanted to explore other opportunities” should get it done.

You didn’t ask me about this part, but you might want to give some thought to the fact that an extra day or two throws your finances into such disarray.Maybe I’ve just gotten used to working freelance and having to wait sixty days for checks to show up, and I understand that, in principle, they should pay you promptly, but if it’s only one day, maybe the issue here isn’t their accounting, if you see what I mean.

Dear Sars,

I’m getting married in a few months to my love of five years — a wonderful, affectionate, but very, um, emotional young man.

My fiancé made the decision last spring that he no longer wishes to have his mother in his life, and does not want her invited to the wedding. He has told me some of the reasons why he made this decision, but probably not everything. I am not in a position to be objective about it anyway, because I do not know his mother (I’ve met her briefly a couple of times, but that’s it). They have not been close at any time during the five years I have known him.

My fiancé is a man of strong passions, so it is hard to tell whether she really deserves to be cut off or if he’s just angry and will get over it eventually. I feel very bad that he does not have a good relationship with his mother, because I can tell it bothers him (as much as he does not want to admit it), but if he tells me that he does not want her at our wedding, well, I’m willing to go along with that because I want him to fully enjoy the day.

The problem is, my parents are hosting the wedding, and my mother hates the idea of not inviting the mother of the groom. She feels that it is bad etiquette, and is extremely disturbed by just the idea of someone not wanting their mother present at their wedding. She feels that my fiancé cannot possibly be right in the head for feeling that way, is being immature, and/or will regret it twenty years from now. I am afraid that she might go against our wishes and invite her anyway, which will cause a terrible problem between her and my husband which could take years to overcome.

What should I do?

Bride In Between

Dear Bride,

Print out your letter, and either hand it to your mother and ask her to read it or use it as a crib sheet to talk to her about the situation.Express to her that you understand her position, but you have to ask her please to respect your fiancé’s wishes and not invite his mother.Couch it in terms of a favor she’s doing you in order to keep the peace.Stress that it’s a wedding, not a state dinner, and that you want her to put your and your fianc&eacute’s peace of mind ahead of “etiquette” this time.

If she still balks, tell your boy that he can have a go at trying to talk Mom out of inviting Other Mom, but you’ve done everything you can or want to do and it’s between the two of them now.

Hi Sars,

I have a bit of a moral dilemma, and you seem pretty good at cutting through
the shit and finding answers, so here goes: I live with two other people,
and until recently, we had a fourth roommate, henceforth known as Evil
Housemate From Hell.EHFH was an absolute nightmare, and has certainly
taught us the value of checking up on potential housemates.She seemed
really nice when we interviewed her.We kicked her out about a week ago
because she had been stealing from us since she moved in (CDs, money,
clothes), despite our clear and repeated requests to stop.The last straw
was when we found some of our stuff packed away and hidden under the stairs. She’s also done a lot of damage to the room, which is a pain, but a
secondary issue in my opinion.

My problem is this: EHFH left a forwarding address and phone number, and we
know the name of the girl she is moving in with.It was someone advertising
their room on the internet; I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know EHFH.One of
the guys I live with floated the idea of contacting the girl and warning her
about EHFH’s stealing and room-destroying traits, but we’re not 100 percent sure
that this is the right thing to do.Our gut feeling is that we should (we
certainly would have appreciated it), but we think that it’s really none of
our business.Also mixed up with this is our overwhelming desire to grab
EHFH and shove her head up her arse repeatedly, and with great force.We
suspect this may be clouding our judgment somewhat.What do you think we
should do?

Thanks in advance,
Possible Boundary Overstepper(s)

Dear Bound,

It’s commendable of you to want to warn EHFH’s future victims what they’ve got in store.I know that I’d have appreciated a heads-up on the one genuinely scary roommate I had back in the day.

But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to stay out of it and just thank God you rid yourselves of EHFH, either.As you say, it’s not really your business anymore, and if the girl EHFH is moving in with didn’t ask for, and then check, references from EHFH, that’s her bad.If she does call you to ask about EHFH, you should tell her the truth, but you don’t have a clear-cut obligation to rat EHFH out here.

I think it really depends on how strongly you feel about it.One factor to consider is that, if you blow the whistle on her, EHFH might not take it so well, and if she’s unbalanced beyond just having sticky fingers, maybe it’s not the best idea.But if you really couldn’t live with knowing that you could have prevented another series of larcenies, go ahead and drop the new roommate a line — ask pointedly how well she knows EHFH and whether she has any questions for you guys, hint hint.

Short answer: Call it in the air.

[11/22/02]

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