The Relax Therapy Green Tea body mist by The Healing Garden is a nice, fresh scent.Really mild (it clings to skin and clothes, but can get overpowered by cigarettes or fast food).It also has aloe in it, so the alcohol isn’t too harsh on the skin (very important for me!).

Also, if you’re into pillow mist, it doubles nicely.

http://www.healinggarden.com/home.html

Happy to help

Dear Hap,

Thanks for the tip!Other suggestions appear below; if I got it more than once, it’s asterisked.

Body sprays from Bath & Body Works*
DKNY Be Delicious or Red Delicious*
Jo Malone*
C.O. Bigelow lemon lotion
Scented lotion from Bath & Body Works*
Robert Piguet’s Fracas
The Body Shop, Ananya
Ralph Lauren Polo Sport for Women
Philosophy, Amazing Grace or Pure Grace*
Gendarme fragrances
L’Occitane*
The Body Shop, Musk
Zents
Essential oils, used sparingly*
Clinique Happy*
Gap fragrances*
CK One or CK One Summer*
Calgon body mists*
Body Mint
Philosophy, Falling In Love*
Burberry Brit
Body by Victoria, New Daily Body Care line
Fresh’s Lemon Sugar, Blossom, or Sake*
Elizabeth Arden Green Tea*
Clinique Happy Heart*
Clinique Simply
Burt’s Bees Milk & Honey lotion
Origins Ginger Essence*
Clarins Eau Dynamisante
Paris Hilton original scent
Guess
Ralph by Ralph Lauren
Demeter
Skirt
Crabtree & Evelyn, Summer Hill
Crabtree & Evelyn, Tea Rose
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab.com*
Stila Jade Blossom
Ralph Lauren Hot
Ralph Lauren Blue
Clean*
Clinique Elixir
Tommy Hilfiger’s Tommy Girl*
Sexy Graffiti
Sunflowers
Revlon’s Charlie
Benefit Cosmetics, Maybe Baby*
Escada, Ibiza Hippie
Tresor
Victoria’s Secret Pear Glace*
Lush bath products
Althaea Soaps and Herbals
Villainess Soaps
Victoria’s Secret Vanilla Lace
Got2B shampoos
Healing Garden, in the Wal-Mart cosmetics department*
Moschino, I Love Love
Burberry London*
Sephora Super Supreme Body Butter
Yardley, Sparkle
Charlie, Inspiration
Body Shop’s perfume oils*
Dolce & Gabbana, Light Blue
White Shoulders
White Linen
Ralph Lauren Romance
Lucky Girl
Anna Sui’s Dolly Girl
Estee Lauder, Aliage

Use the scent-finder on Sephora’s website*
Try eBay to get pricier scents for cheap
Blogs like Now Smell This and Scentzilla
creativescent.com
bathedandinfused.com*
Essense — www.dshperfumes.com/index_eo.asp
No musk; no patchouli

Hello oh great and wondrous Sars…

I have a wedding question I’m hoping you (or one of your readers) can answer.

My fiancé and I are being profoundly optimistic and getting ready to enter into matrimony for the second time.We’ve both been through the “big white wedding” bullshit, and neither of us are interested in anything large and fancy-schmancy.No attendants, no wedding march, no first dance, no cake.We want an intimate wedding with immediate family and afterwards have a great big party with anyone who wants to come.Just a party.No cake-cutting, no dance floor.Just a party.

Now, you’ve already answered my first question (how to invite people to the reception without inviting them to the wedding) in another Vine (thank you, Google!), but my second question I’m not sure you’ve answered (or, I can’t find it if you did):

We have a lot of extended family that will be traveling far to attend our wedding.These are people who have already been through the wedding thing with each of us the first time around, and many of them aren’t of great financial means.Now, my fiancé and I are both in our early 30s, we have good jobs, we’re pretty financially stable, and we’ve been shacking up for several years.In short, we aren’t necessarily expecting gifts of any sort outside of the attendance of our family and friends.

However, we know there will be some that will really want to give us a gift, and will be upset if we aren’t registered somewhere for this purpose.On the flip side, there are also those who will be grateful not to be expected to provide a gift, for financial reasons.How do we polish both sides of this proverbial coin?Do we register to make those who can give us a gift happy?If we do this, how do we communicate our registration info without making those who may not be able to afford a gift uncomfortable?Do we register, but not mention it in the invitation, and only pass the info on to those who ask?Do we register, mention it in the invitation, but add a comment that gifts are not required?The latter seems kind of tacky and weird.The former seems kind of secretive.

Plus, what about those who aren’t able to make the trip, but would like to acknowledge the marriage by sending a gift?How do we accommodate them?

Ack — I know I’m overthinking this whole thing, but I can’t come to a good solution.Do you (or your readers) have any suggestions as to how to handle this situation in a classy way, or is this whole situation completely without class?

Sincerely,
You can’t please all the people all the time, but dammit, I can try

Dear Please,

I’m pretty sure that mentioning registry information in the invitation at all, anywhere, is Not Done.You register; you tell people who ask where your registry/-ies is/are, or sign up with Wedding Channel.com to make yourselves searchable; nothing more.

With that said, less traditional weddings, or second weddings, might take a less hidebound approach; I think it’s really up to you, but here’s what I’d do — I’d register in a couple of different places, one regular-store registry with lots of more inexpensive items, and one charity organization like Donors Choose.I’d make sure both registries not only allowed but almost mandated gifts in small increments.

This way, the traditionalists can get you a garlic press, and the people who either bought you a Calphalon frying pan the first time or don’t have a lot of discretionary cash can get you $10 worth of a Donors Choose project or a Red Cross donation.

And if/when people ask about the registries, you can always stress to them that their presence at your wedding (and/or their kind wishes for your happiness) is their gift; they don’t have to buy you anything.

Whatever you end up doing, just do it and don’t worry too much about what people think of it.You’re right that you can’t please everyone; try to find a registry solution with a wide range of “comfort levels,” and then let it go.

Sars,

As a part of a uni assessment, we’re required to work in a group.
HAAATE group work, but apparently it will teach us to work in teams,
just like in the real world (whatever).

At the latest group meeting, a guy in our group was complaining about
the lack of progress that had been made on a part of the project I am
responsible for.He also said a few things that sounded like he
thought I wasn’t pulling my weight.He makes comments like this all
the time, and this day I was sick of it.I said that I thought his
comments were unfair, as I had done a lot of work on the project and
the lack of progress was due to something totally out of my control.
He already knew all that, so what was the point in having a go at me?

I know I should have waited until we were alone before I said
anything, but I lost my temper.He then yelled at me that I
could “fucking well get off my pedestal” because his complaints
weren’t directed at me, but were general, and that he could say
whatever he wanted.I tried to explain, but he talked over the top of
me and tried to intimidate me. I gave up. He then called me a
cunt, “under his breath,” but was still loud enough that everyone heard
him.I ignored him because I didn’t want him to know how much he’d
upset me.

The next day he ran around telling everyone in class about what a
bitch I was and how I just went off at him for no reason.Now he is
always insulting and intimidating me in meetings and criticising my
work to the others.Apparently he also bitches about me behind my
back about how he’s going to try to get my grade lowered because I’m
so lazy.It’s all so fucking high school, which is probably why I
feel like a child being bullied by the big kids.

I know that there will be people like this in the workforce.But I
always thought that calling co-workers cunts, intimidating them and
backstabbing was bullying, which is a sackable offence.My uni
supervisor has said she doesn’t want to know about in-fighting so I
haven’t contacted her.The rest of the group tells me what he’s doing
but then says “just ignore him.”The only thing I can think of doing
would result in serious gaol time, and he’s not worth it.What would
you do in this situation?

Thanks,
I always thought my mother meant sex when she warned me about all the
dicks out there

Dear Mama Said There’d Be Dicks Like These,

It’s time to take the high road.Even if it doesn’t work, it’s your best protection.

Start by asking to speak to Dick privately.Apologize for any misunderstandings, and for losing your temper; you’re sorry the two of you got off to a bad start but you hope you can work together productively.He may respond to this, or be embarrassed into shutting up; he may not.Either way, you’ve made the gesture.

If he isn’t properly shamed into knocking it off with the trash-talk, ignore it.Behave professionally towards him; keep your voice even and your comments civil.Focus on the project.Become a Jedi.This can be an effective tactic with disruptive manipulators, but you will have to commit to it — even if you’re playing a role, pretending, do it a hundred percent.He’s not bothering you; you’re getting things done.

Act as though he’s not a problem.Do your work.Let the other members of your team know that you don’t care to hear what he says behind your back, and if they start to tell you anyway, change the subject firmly or leave the room.There is zero up side to engaging with him on this, so don’t.Proceed as though it isn’t happening; either that will work, and he’ll stop acting up because he’s not getting a response, or it won’t work, but you’ll look like the grown-up.

[11/7/06]

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