The Vine: November 9, 2000
Oh, Sarah.
I have a large collection of medical difficulties, all of which preclude insurance for me. My mother applied for a credit card in my name to pay for my medical expenses (which regularly exceed $200 per month when I don’t have to go to the doctor), which she pays for. Very kind of her, I agree. The problem lies in the piles of junk she regularly buys for me and my son (we’re talking drugstore closeouts and MG Novelties/Paper Warehouse junk).
She feeds her purchasing addiction online with a credit card that matches “mine,” and buys piles of things I didn’t want, need, or ask for. All of that wouldn’t be a problem for anybody but the garbage man if she didn’t lay a huge guilt trip on me every time she gets the bill. Once a month, she calls and asks me if my father can start paying for part of my medical expenses (short answer, no). She spends more than I do every month on “our” credit card, and then bitches at me when I buy a CD. With my money, not hers. I’m working toward group coverage at a job I love, so it’s not like I’m not trying. She doesn’t hear me when I ask her not to buy stuff when I’m not with her (she has a major case of stripes-with-plaids-itis), and telling her I don’t need anything is like telling her breathing is unnecessary.
Is it possible for me to get her to cut it out, without making her hate me until my kid is in college? I mean, the Salvation Army loves the donations, but this is ridiculous.
Teenymommer
Dear Teeny,
I don’t understand why your mother has a credit card in your name. Why can’t she just give you the money you need to cover your bills? Who pays the balance every month – you, or your mother? And why haven’t you put a stop to this?
I understand the terrors of dealing with medical insurance, believe me…not to mention the terrors of dealing with the maternal guilt trip. But if you allow your mother’s spending to continue, it’s just going to get worse, and if she accumulates a debt, you’ll get stuck with it.
You have to lay down the law. Sit your mother down and tell her for the last time that you don’t need the knick-knacks, and furthermore, you’ve gotten tired of the guilt trip and the monthly phone calls. Thank her for helping you with your medical bills, but stress that, although you truly appreciate her support, you can’t deal with the strings she’s attaching. Give her an ultimatum; she does her personal spending on another account, or you’ll cancel the card. Then stick to it. If she buys anymore Hallmark figurines, call the credit card company and either get your mother’s name removed from the account or, better yet, cancel the card and get a new one.
I know it’s a lot of money when you have chronic health problems and no insurance, and I can understand how you got into this, but now it’s time to get out of it. If your mother won’t just write you a check every month, I strongly suggest that you make other arrangements. She isn’t going to stop with the tchotchkes, and it’s just going to get worse. She’s proven that she’s not responsible with money, and you shouldn’t rely on her in that regard.
Tags: the fam
