Dear Sars,

I have to write a rough-draft short story for my sophomore writing class by November 8th. No length requirements, except that it be longer than three pages double spaced. I’m stumped for ideas, but once I can latch onto one, I’ll be fine.

Do you have any suggestions for either ways of creating a good plotline, or just outright giving me a plotline.

Procrastinator

Dear Pro,

I tend to have the opposite problem — a bazillion germs of ideas for stories and no clue which ones I should go with, or where.How does that happen?Well, I do a lot eavesdropping in lines, collecting snippets of conversation and theorizing to myself on what led to them.I also do a lot of wondering about found/seen objects, like why a certain desk is out at the curb for trash pick-up or how a single Ked came to be lying on its side on the shoulder of I-78.How did that happen?What events carried it there?What events moved past it afterwards?It’s not about the snippets or the objects themselves; it’s about how everything has a story that led it to the point where it intersects with you.

You can use almost anything to get to those stories — fragments of your dreams, random detritus lying near a garbage can, a tableau in the boarding lounge at the airport, graffiti.Pick a thing that you’ve seen, or a person, or a situation or an interaction that you’ve witnessed, and write the story of how it got to the same place and time as you.Think of the subject as a point in a narrative line, and reconstruct the narrative.

Sars — I have been reading your columns and advice for some time now, and
think you may be able to give me some perspective and advice about my
problem.

I am 29 years old and am contemplating contacting my father.My parents
were divorced when I was three.He has not been in my life personally since I
was six or seven years old and stopped paying child support when I was nine; both
were by his choice.Any contact between the ages of three and seven was sporadic
and basically nonexistent.He has never given a reason, and the only
reason that my mom can come up with deals with an argument they had about
her not wanting to put her daughter on a plane unattended.He lived (and
still lives) about five states away from me.

I contacted him when I was graduating from high school to try and get some
of the back support for college expenses, but that did not work.He said he
was an “old man” and did not have that kind of money.During that
conversation, it did come out that he was angry that I had changed my last
name when my mother re-married (I really don’t understand why, if he was not
in my life).

The last contact I have had from him was when he called me when I was doing
an internship in another state.He called my
grandmother, who gave him my phone number.I was so freaked out that I
don’t even remember what we talked about or what he said.Unfortunately,
neither does my mom.(Just to note, my mom never spoke ill of my father
until I was of an age where I did all the ill-speaking.)

I have been talking about contacting him for a few years but always chicken
out.My mom points out that it would be fruitless at this late date to ask
the “WHY” question, and I can’t think of anything else to ask and to talk
about.He did have three children from a wife before my mom, and who knows
what he has done since then.

Sars, my question is basically this — I can’t come up with anything to talk
about on my own, and I don’t want it to be a silent conversation.Does it
sound like it would be worth contacting him, and what in the world might be
“safe” questions and/or topics of conversation?

Conversationally challenged in NC

Dear Challenged,

Why do you want to contact him?What do you hope to get out of the conversation?Because you say you don’t think there’s much point in asking him why he’s a deadbeat schmuck who takes very little interest in you, and I agree with that, but I also have a feeling that that’s exactly what you want from him — that you want him to explain himself, justify his actions, reassure you that it isn’t about you.

If that’s what you want, that’s what you should do.You won’t get much closure from it; from the sounds of it, he’s a shady guy, and he’s not going to give you a Hallmark moment.But sometimes you have to ask the question even when you know you won’t get an answer, and I think it’s worth it for you to ask that question — to know that you asked, to know that you did the best you could to find out, to know that he knows that, too.

Now, if that’s not what you want…I don’t know.Forming a friendship or whatever with your father (if we can call him that, which I wouldn’t) doesn’t seem particularly fulfilling either.Do you hope to bond with him as an adult, thereby showing him the error of his ways in the past?Kind of a waste of time, given what you already know about him, and it won’t change the fact that he bailed anyway.Do you just want to get to know him?Because “he’s a spineless dickweed who doesn’t take responsibility for himself” is all you need to know, from where I sit.

Look, I’m not trash-talking about him just to pass the time here.I’m trying to get you to focus on exactly what you want from him and from a conversation with him, so that you don’t get abandoned by him again emotionally.Once you know what you want, ask him for it.Ask him why if you need to.If that’s not what you need, ask him to let you get to know him.Ask him to tell you about himself — his life, what he’s done in it.Call him up and lay it out: “I wanted to get in contact with you again because [x].”See how it goes.

But before you call or write to him, get straight with yourself first about what you want from it and what you’ll do if you don’t get it…because you probably won’t.That’s not your fault, at all, but if he’s a jackass, he’s a jackass, and maybe it’s better if you don’t gather any more proof than you’ve already got.

Dear Sars,

A year and a half ago, I met a girl I fell very much in love with.She loved
me, or so I thought.We were together for a time; then one day after I didn’t
hear from her for a couple of weeks, she tells me we’re over because she
and her (exceedingly homophobic) parents had decided that our relationship
was “hurtful” to her.That was all the explanation I got.Never spoke to
her again.

Eighteen months later, I still wonder about her.How she is, if her
brother’s okay, how big her baby sister must be by now, et cetera.And I miss her.
She was my best friend long before we were involved in anything romantic,
true, but I’m wondering, is it normal to still miss someone, still think
about them, after such a length of time?It hasn’t kept me out of further
relationships, although I’ve never met anyone else I was so crazy about.

Thanks for reading,
Time Heals All Wounds…Right?

Dear Time,

The timeline here is a little confusing, but that doesn’t really matter.Yes, it’s normal.Given the circumstances here — you fell for a friend, then outside forces that didn’t make any emotional sense split you up out of nowhere — I don’t blame you for still feeling the twinge.You didn’t get any resolution.You don’t know what she’s up to.The ending still rankles.It’s perfectly natural.

You should find a way to put her aside, though.Evidently, she had no problem putting you aside, and I know from experience that that’s probably a big part of what keeps the scab pickable after all that time, but find a way to believe that the story isn’t going to have a second act, and move forward.

But if it’s hard, don’t beat yourself up.Everyone has That One — got away, passed in the night, disappeared.She’s always going to stay with you, a little bit, but it gets easier.

[10/11/02]

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