I have been online friends with these two girls for over two years. Last Christmas they all sent me gifts, even though I told them I don’t celebrate Christmas and they didn’t have to send me anything. I was planning to send them some gifts for “Friendship Day,” but for the past few months they’ve really annoyed, belittled, and irritated me, and I’m ready to let the friendships die out. I already have the gifts bought, but I’m so put off by them that I don’t even want to send the presents.

Because they sent me gifts first, does that obligate me to send gifts in return? If you say yes, I’ll go ahead and send the gifts, it’s no trouble. But I don’t want to be friends with these girls anymore, and that is the last contact I wish to have with them. What should I do?

L

Dear L,

We’d like to think that gift-giving comes from the heart, without any strings attached, but alas, it isn’t usually that simple.

Happily, it’s exactly that simple in your case.You don’t like these people anymore and you don’t want to maintain contact with them, and gifts would send exactly the opposite message, so don’t send the gifts.Return them, or give them to people you still do consider friends, but giving them to your online non-friends now is only going complicate your life by promoting the idea that you still, you know, like them.Which you don’t.

[10/19/00]

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