Dude.Check it out.

Here’s my letter to Quoi Faire?, which ran on August 21, 2002.Here’s the Annie’s Mailbox version (that’s Ann Landers’s daughter or successor or whoever), which ran yesterday.

It’s obviously the same letter; Annie edited it down tighter than I did, but certain phrasing is exactly the same.But the fact that the author might have sent the same letter to both of us doesn’t bother me; I mean, I don’t understand why anyone would want advice from both of us, since Annie and Dear Abby could not have value systems more different from mine if they tried, but it’s not a competition or anything.

No, what’s weird to me is the signature.”Toronto Tomato”?Does that mean Annie lifted the letter?Probably not; she’d have no way of knowing from TN that it came in from Toronto (and I frankly don’t remember either).But if Annie didn’t lift it, why did the author sign herself that way?Did she not like my advice and want to show me up or something?Annie and I said essentially the same thing (although I skipped the judgmental unsupported-statistics bushwa about “living in sin” at the end).Is it just a shout-out?

The hell?

Hi, Sars —

Can I add a couple more suggestions to the excellent advice you gave KAC? My SO and I went through this a few months ago when he moved to a new apartment.

If you use cat carriers, when you move the cats into the new place, leave the carriers out so the cats can get into them. Sierra stayed in hers for a while after prowling around the new apartment — we think she felt safe there. She also became very fond of the linen closet, so we left its door open until she found other places to hang out.

As for cat toy suggestions to forestall boredom, all the cats of my acquaintance love Cat Dancers. We have Sierra’s permanently attached to a fan, so that she can hop around like mad, swatting at the silly thing, whenever the mood strikes her. Unfortunately, the mood usually strikes her at four in the morning. She’s a cat. We deal with it.

Cheers,
The Cat’s Auntie

Dear Auntie,

Good ideas.My cats looooove their Cat Dancer.

Another idea is to put the cat’s favorite toy into the carrier with him when you move.Then he’ll have something to play with that smells familiar once you all get there.

Hi Sars,

I wonder if you could help me.I had my first relationship a couple of years ago.The guy pressured me for sex, I wasn’t ready, so he cheated on me and dumped me.Since then, I have spent the last couple of years going to college and working and traveling.I’ve pretty much grown a lot as a person.

I’d like to enter the dating scene again, but I wonder how to handle the fact that I am a 22-year-old virgin. Some of my friends have advised me to not tell anyone, claimimg that because I am not physically repulsive, guys will think I am weird and not like me, or they will try to use me in order to “conquer” me.

I do not broadcast my sexual experience or anything, but I imagine it would come up at some point if I were to start seeing someone.I do not want to lie, but I do not want to feel like a freak either.Can you help me? Thanks.

Latebloomer

Dear Late,

Okay, first of all, your friends need to meet different guys, because the ones they know sound like jackholes, and they also need to stop putting their shit onto you and acting like a guy’s fucked-up reaction to you is anyone’s problem but the guy’s.If a guy thinks it’s “weird” that you waited until you felt ready, or wants to “use” you, that guy is a buttwad.

And you will find guys like that, guys who do not get it, but on the plus side, it isn’t hard to spot them.Most buttwads reveal themselves as such in about five minutes’ time, and you can dismiss them and move on to another guy.But the real plus side here is that you will also find guys who just dig your chili and don’t really give a shit if you haven’t gotten around to losing your virginity yet and won’t make a big kerfuffle over it.

Don’t lie about it.It’s nothing to feel ashamed of, and a guy who makes you feel ashamed of it should get a one-way ticket to Curbsville.And you can tell your friends I said so, too.

Sars,

I love your writing, so I hope you can help me with mine.Most of my job
requires doing a lot of historical research and writing.This isn’t a problem
for the little jobs, but I’m also in charge of writing large projects that
take about a year (if I’m lucky) from start to finish.I’m about four-fifths finished
with the first draft of the current project, but I can’t seem to write
anything down.If I try to do research, my mind wanders.When I try to put
fingers to keyboard, my mind goes blank.

I love history and had no problem in
college and grad school.But there I could work at any time of day, and if I
wanted to take February off, no one minded.Now I sit at a desk from eight to five.I
can’t talk to my boss, as no two people from my office can get together and not
trash her.If I discuss problems with her, she might want to help with the
writing (she has mentioned this before), but since she hasn’t even started a
project that was supposed to be completed two years ago, I would like to avoid
that.Any suggestions on how to get motivated again?

Writer’s Block

Dear Block,

It’s hard for me to say what would motivate you, because I don’t know exactly what’s holding you up.Do you think it’s going to suck?Do you not have anything to say?Do you feel like you need more time, or to do more research?

Whatever the issue, you have to get on a schedule and stick to it; that should help.Get into a rhythm between eight and five.Write a list, block out times to do certain tasks, and don’t deviate from that.Get to your desk, check some email, eat a muffin, and then write straight through from eight-thirty to nine-thirty.Get up, stretch your legs, have a smoke, and then write straight through from ten to eleven.Give yourself time to dick around and whatnot, but mark off two or three one-hour writing blocks and stick to those.

One hour.Force yourself.Don’t go back and correct errors.Don’t lift your hands from the keyboard.It’s going to seem like a week the first few times.You’ll have an itch on your nose.You’ll have to pee.Gut it out.Sit and write for an hour.Even if what you produce at first is crap and you have to go back and rewrite it completely, you’ll have made a start, and it’ll get easier to churn out as time goes on.

[10/2/02]

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