Dear Sars,

I’m a sophomore and commuter student at NYU, so I thought I’d throw in my two cents on the letter from Ang in Astoria.

There are a bunch of reasons why I don’t live in the dorms, and while I do think commuting is best for me, I agree that it does make it harder to meet people and make close friends.My best friends are still friends from high school and my job.So, I can see how she would conclude that all of us suck.My freshman year was pretty miserable, and I entertained some brief fantasies of transferring.

But I didn’t transfer; I gutted it out, and this year I’m much happier.I still haven’t quite found my niche, or that one activity that I can really throw myself into and get excited about, but I’m working on it.I’m at the point now where I’m settling into my major and looking for more ways to branch out.

And I have met some cool people.We don’t all suck (some of us do, just not everyone).You can pass on my email address to Ang in Astoria if you like.It probably would have helped me last year if another commuter had told me that I wasn’t going to stay miserable all four years.

A Sophomore Survivor

Dear Survivor,

Thanks for writing.I should have mentioned, but forgot until now, that most city schools with a commuter base in the undergraduate body have an organization for commuter support.I know Barnard has a commuter lounge where you could take a load off between classes and check out the bulletin board, stuff like that, so if NYU has a similar set-up, Ang could check that out for starters.

Ang, if you want Survivor’s email address, get in touch with me.

Hi Sarah,

I have a slight problem.Within the last year, I moved to a new city.It took me a while before I found a group of girlfriends to hang out with.The girls are all awesome, strong women, but problem is that one of the girls I just can’t stand.I try over and over again to give her the benefit of the doubt, but each new encounter with her makes me dislike her even more.I am sensitive to group dynamics and my position within the group, so I make an effort to be nice and include her in activities that I plan (although it kills me).I am always friendly to her, but it is extremely trying on my nerves to the point in which it puts a damper on my evening.Lately I find myself skipping out on events that I know she will be at.

In fairness to the group, I know that I have to either learn to deal with her or limit my contact with everyone.I certainly do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings or break up the group.Is there a polite way to ignore someone?How do you deal with someone you just don’t like?

In much need of some insight,
Feeling Like The Bad Apple

Dear Bad Apple,

You haven’t told me why you dislike her, and without knowing that, I can’t advise you as to how to deal with her specifically.

More generally speaking, well, we all have to learn to deal with people we don’t like — at work, at family gatherings, friends of our friends from different areas of their lives.In any large-ish group of friends, there’s always a couple of people who don’t really get along that well and wouldn’t become friends on their own.It’s just one of those things.Again, it’s hard for me to tell you how to deal with this particular woman, because I don’t know what it is about her that gets on your nads, but I assume that your desire to hang out with the rest of the group outweighs your desire to avoid the one woman you don’t like.I mean, I don’t like paying taxes, really, but I pay them, because I like roads and schools and spy planes.See what I’m getting at here?

Remain civil and friendly to her.Don’t let her bother you.When you spend time together as a group, focus on the people you do like, and don’t go into every situation expecting that one chick to annoy you.Think of her as a tax you have to pay to get the benefit of your other friends.

Dear Sars,

I am a sophomore philosophy major; the implications abound, I know.Recently, I have been considering gender studies as an additional major or perhaps as a minor.My problem, as my younger brother/Boy Genius so eloquently states, is, “What are you going to do with that?Think deep thoughts about bein’ poor?”

Why yes, Boy Genius!That is exactly what I was planning.I love living in cardboard boxes and/or marrying wealthy (and preferrably dead) men.Oh well!
Mom did always claim that wealthy, dead men were the best kind.Sigh.(Either that, or live off of the salary of My Brother the Engineer/Nuclear Physicist.)

Glower Power!So you see, I am bothered by the status of my major and its (lack of) marketability. It is unfortunate that the “career specialists” at my current university often seem to have the intelligence, social skills, creativity, and sensitivity of my pet rock.And I don’t even have a pet rock.

Thus I am driven to your feet, sobbing, pleading, and mildly curious as to whether or not you know of anything (anything at all) that is conducive to being able to afford food, not marrying for money, and having a degree (a Ph.D, eventually) in philosophy.I have been told that my only real option is to be a professor, which has been my plan for the past few years.However, I am always curious to see if I have other options of which I am unaware.

Any ideas?
Punky B

Dear Punky,

You can do lots of things with a philosophy degree.Almost none of them will involve philosophizing, but part of the point of getting a liberal arts degree is to hone your critical thinking and your writing/deadline skills.A degree in philosophy implies a certain familiarity with logical thought and clear expression, and that’s something employers look for regardless of the context.

My dad, a religion major who went on to head up a bond department at an investment bank, used to interview the applicants for internships, and he invariably picked English and history majors over econ majors.Why?Well, the econ majors would throw a bunch of jargon around in their cover letters to try to impress him, which didn’t really work, because — duh, he’d worked in the field for two dozen years.But they couldn’t write well and/or clearly, and for my dad’s money, clear writing meant clear thinking, which he needed in the department more than he did a regurgitation of the principles of supply-side economics.So Dad went with the liberal-arts guys who could organize their thoughts neatly and showed a willingness to learn, and he says he never regretted it.

The point of that story: a philosophy degree doesn’t make you unemployable.You just have to understand the strengths of it, and play to those strengths.And if you want to become a professor, well, do it.It’s not the most money in the world, but it’s worth it to do what you want to do with your life.

But take it from an English/creative writing major who had to smile politely when her parents’ friends asked her for the twentieth time if she planned to sell poems on a street corner — people have made fun of humanities majors since the beginning of time.Philosophy majors get it even worse; it’s considered the most useless and esoteric degree, and thus the easiest punchline.It comes with the territory, so don’t take it personally.I’d never have predicted that my English degree would put me here, now, doing what I do, so trust that you’ll find your way in the world after you graduate, and try not to worry too much about it just yet.

[10/26/01]

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