Hi,

Perhaps you could give me some advice on a small matter which has been troubling me lately.I will disguise myself as “Gravy,” the better to conceal my identity.Here is the problem.

A few years ago my sister found a small cat which appeared to be lost in some hills whilst we were on holiday.Taking pity on the beast, she took it upon herself to take in the furry waif and bring it back to live with us in the city.As the months have passed, Reginald (his new name) has overcome any initial shyness and reserve he may have initially been subject to and taken it upon himself to grow to enormous proportions and make the acquaintance of the surrounding wildlife, usually with sufficient enthusiasm to end with the death of these short-lived companions.

Currently he is maybe two years old and measures two and a half feet from his ear to the ground.He looks rather like some kind of tiger.Things are getting out of hand.Several of our more elderly neighbours are now refusing to leave their houses, and from the air, the area looks like a nature reserve, so unenthusiastic is anyone to venture into their gardens.Reginald hasn’t actually seriously hurt anyone yet, mainly people retreat too quickly, but it seems to me it’s only a matter of time.

The problem is, my sister loves him, and I must say I am quite taken with the old boy myself.I have begun to give him obedience training, which seems to be working a little bit, and we will soon attempt to educate the neighbours in how to deal with Reginald and become his friend, rather than becoming scared and acting like prey by running away.Often I can convince myself all this is good and nothing else need be done, but sometimes at night a nagging doubt assails me, urging me to abandon Reginald to the zoo or risk his death at the hands of a police marksman.If I did this, my sister (who has a history of random acts of violence and loves Reginald much more than she could any human) would surely revenge herself on me and prove a dangerous housemate.

My question is, what should I do?

Cheers,
Gravy

Dear Gravy,

You’ve got to make your sister hear reason, because I think your fear is justified.One of these days, Reginald is going to take a chunk out of the buttock of one of your fearful neighbors, or pounce on one of their grandchildren, and the authorities will have Reginald put down.Yeah, we all love Elsa in Born Free, and yeah, we all cry when she returns to the wild, but Elsa is a lion, not a domesticated housecat.Reginald isn’t a domesticated housecat either; from the sound of it, he’s a puma or an overgrown ocelot or something, but regardless, he’s got no business in a city.

Talk to your sister.Warn her what might become of Reginald if he harms anyone.Convince her somehow to take him to a large-animal veterinarian and find out what species he actually belongs to, and to ask the vet’s advice on what to do next.Perhaps she can find a wildlife preserve or similar environment where Reginald can live safely, and perhaps she can “visit” him there from time to time.

Your sister has to do what’s best for Reginald.If she won’t, you’ll have to, because one of these days, one of the neighbors is going to call Animal Control, and it isn’t going to end well for anyone if that happens.

[10/31/00]

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