I’ve gotten dozens of emails about Smelly Cat Dad’s dilemma, so I’ve put together a list of the suggestions below, in case anyone else out there is facing a similar problem.

1. The obesity could put pressure on the cat’s kidneys/urinary tract system, which might lead to out-of-box messes.
2. The cat might smell old cat pee, perhaps from previous tenants/owners where SCD lives, and if she does, she might be marking the place.Try spritzing with Nature’s Miracle, or getting the carpets and furniture professionally cleaned.
3. The cat might not like the location of the litterbox.(Cats get weird about that stuff.)SCD could try putting out more litterboxes, or moving the current litterbox to a more private location.
4. Several people said that the cat sounded diabetic, so I’ll reiterate that any cat that’s either a) that overweight or b) inexplicably peeing or pooing outside the box needs a complete medical work-up.Feline diabetes can be managed with prescription food; it’s expensive, but it beats administering insulin shots.
5. If you find yourself up against it with a pet issue, try this site.Their experts and FAQs might help.

And now, a PSA.When you adopt cats from agencies or shelters, those cats often come with problems.Even at big, bright, clean, new shelters, the cats live cheek-by-jowl with each other; they pick up viruses and mites and pink eye sometimes.Sometimes it takes them a few months to get sorted out mentally.Sometimes they came into the shelter as babies and got separated from their moms too soon.Sometimes their previous owners treated them like shit.Shelter pets come with baggage a lot of times, and you have to accept that and work with it when you adopt out of a shelter.It’s not your fault, or the cat’s, or the shelter’s; it’s just a fact, and you need to understand up front that, while it’s not anyone’s fault, it’s now your responsibility to take care of that baggage as best you can.

SCD’s cat may need professional help; only he can decide that, and if that’s the case, the cat’s better off back with the agency where people who work with animals all day can start to sort out the situation.But I’ll say again what I’ve said many times before, and while it’s not necessarily directed at SCD, it’s worth repeating in case any doubt remains.A pet is not a piece of furniture, or a toy, or a fun gadget.You get a pet, you get its problems, and you deal with them.

Hey Sars…

I probably wouldn’t normally do this, but I love your site, I love the Vine, and I decided to take my chances.

After having just read “Living In Hell,” I was obligated to face the sad fact that while some of your readers have best friends they are dying to get rid of, this reader has one who has seemingly gotten rid of me!

Brief background — said best friend (we’ll call her “B”) and I have been thisclose for about 20 of our 27 years.And while in that time, we have experienced our share of ebbs and flows, this time it feels different.

First came the fabulous new boyfriend for B, which clearly has taken the focus somewhat off of girl-time.Second, there was the move — we used to live about 2 minutes from each other, now it’s more like 25 miles — again, contributing to the de-emphasis of our time together.What hurts my feelings most, however…is the fact that she has all these sudden, new girlfriends that still get to see her and hang out with her on a pretty regular basis, despite the mileage and Mr. Fabulous.

I feel left out, and lonely too — but I’m not quite sure how to handle it.I don’t want to begrudge anyone’s happiness, or fun…but I won’t accept shoddy treatment, i.e. unreturned phone calls, frequent cancellation of plans, et cetera.And all of the above have been recurring themes for awhile now.

I have tried to broach the subject, but without much success, as I am a major wimp who practices avoidance.(But I really did try!)

So what’s a gal to do?We have so much history!Is it a minor hiccup?Or am I back in the market for a new BF?

Sincerely,
Feel Like I’m Stuck in Junior High And I Hated That Shit The First Time

Dear Stuck,

If you really want her to know how you feel, you’ll have to come straight out and tell B that you miss the time the two of you used to spend together, and that you resent it when she doesn’t call you back or seem to care much about seeing you.

“But I shouldn’t have to tell her that!”Well, no.And even if you do tell her that, it’s probably not going to do much good.If it’ll make you feel better, talk to her, but in my experience, it’s better just to let it go the way it’s going to go.Each friendship has a natural lifespan — a year, five years, thirty years, whatever — and when its time is up, it’s up.Sorry to wax philosophical on you here; I’ve gone through it too, and it’s sad.But you can try to get back to the friendship you had with B, and get your feelings hurt, and wind up bitter and annoyed and no closer to B than before…or you can accept that things change, and still see B now and then and have a few laughs, and know that these things happen and it’s going to turn out okay for you both.

It hurts, I know, and it’s not your fault, but if B’s not acting like your best friend anymore, well…that’s that.

Hello —

Okay, here’s my dilemma. It involves a guy (of course). We met in April and went out on a couple of dates (most of which I initiated). I wasn’t getting any real “go” signals, so I backed off. Spring break came and went, and I didn’t hear from him. Okay, no big deal.

Fast forward to July, when I get an email from him: “Hey.What’s up? Sorry we haven’t talked…I would really like to see you if you don’t completely hate me.” Me? “Aww, I don’t hate you. Sure.”

We’ve gone out about four times since. We’re both pretty busy, so it’s been kinda sporadic, but it’s been fun. The deal? I have no idea what this guy wants. We’ll do something, and he’ll say, “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He doesn’t call, a week goes by, and then he’ll call, like, “What’s up, you want to do something?”Or he’ll email: “Sorry I’ve been out of touch, I’ll call you Sunday.” Then he doesn’t call. (That’s the latest one.)

I understand the guy’s busy.And I understand I should be taking some of the initiative too — I have — but I don’t know what kind of initiative to take until I find out what’s up. And it would totally make sense to me if he was getting any…but he’s not.

Frankly, I want to just ask him what’s going on. But no, according to my friends (who, true, have much more dating experience than me), don’t do that, he’s just scared, call him. But I’m so tired of trying to figure out what’s going on…I just want to know.

By the way, if it helps in any way, I’m in the weird fifth dimension known as high school.

So whaddya say?

Sick Of Beating Around The Freakin’ Bush

Dear Sick,

You can’t figure out what he wants because he hasn’t figured it out yet.God knows I can’t figure it out.

I mean, either he’s scared, or he’s trying to keep his hand in with you while seeing how it plays out with someone else, or he doesn’t really like you That Way but he thinks he should — but you could have deduced all of those things on your own, and probably have, so that brings us back to the beginning.What should you do?

Accept that he doesn’t have his shit together, and don’t expect anything from him.Seriously.Yeah, you could confront him in a chill fashion, like, “Look, if you don’t really want to date me, I can live with it, but I’d like to know one way or the other, because the hot-and-cold routine is kind of confusing,” but I have a feeling you’ll just get more of the “oh no it’s cool I’ll call you later” routine, and then he won’t call after all and it’s the same thing all over again.

I don’t know why he’s acting wiggy.I have a feeling that it’s because he’s not interested.Regardless, it’s annoying you, and fortunately for us all, he’s not the only boy on earth, so don’t deal with it anymore.

[10/5/01]

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