I have a problem for you and I hope you can help because I am completely out of ideas.

I’m 22, and after living with my parents for the last six months or so I’ve finally landed a really great job; I’ll be moving across the country in about a month, and six months later (hopefully) I will be living overseas. This is really a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I am incredibly excited. But I’m afraid to leave my mom.

See, for as long as I can remember, my mom has always been an unhappy person. She is a registered nurse and she blames most of her unhappiness on this career choice. She HATES her work, but feels she is stuck in it because it is the only way she can make enough money to live on, since she believes she has no other skills. Lately, she has taken a particularly bad job, and I’ve noticed it’s been bothering her more than usual. She talks daily about how she hates her life and how crappy everything is.

This really upsets me because I want my mom to be happy. I don’t want her to waste her life. I tried suggesting that she quit nursing for good and do something else she’d like to do. She has even admitted to me that because she hates her work so much she often ends up doing a crappy job of it, and she says someday she might end up accidentally hurting somebody. She really needs to stop, but she says she can’t because of the money. I realize we are rather poor (my dad doesn’t make much money either), but I tell her maybe she could try to reduce their cost of living some (it will be just her and my dad after I’m gone), so she can take a lower-paying job that she likes. She says it’s impossible, because they owe too much. I tell her she should try to save up some money to get training for something else and in the meantime try to develop some interests and make some friends to take her mind off work. She says she has no interests and she has no friends because she doesn’t like people. I know this can’t be entirely true, but she just dismisses my suggestions. Then I told her I thought it might help her to see a psychologist, since she seems clinically depressed. She admits she’s depressed, but she feels it would be embarrassing to go to a psychologist. I told her no one needs to know, but she said it would make her feel ashamed of herself.

Finally, as a last straw (and I know this is corny), I gave her a self-help book called Wishcraft to help her get an idea of where her interests lay. She hasn’t touched it since I gave it to her.

I just don’t know what to do. It’s killing me to watch her let her life slip away like this. She even mentions every once in a while that she wishes she were dead. I am afraid that one day I’ll get a call while I’m in London telling me that my mother has committed suicide. I want to do something to help her but she will not make even the tiniest effort to help herself. It reassures me somewhat to know that my dad will be here for her, but she often tells me she doesn’t know what she’s going to do once I’m gone, because I’m the only one who understands her. I’ll try to write and call and visit as much as I can, but I’m worried it won’t be enough. I wish I had enough money to have her move near me, but I don’t, not by a long shot. I want and need this job so badly, but I’m afraid if I leave that might be what finally pushes my mom off the edge.

Thanks so much for listening to this and if you have any kind of ideas on what I can do to keep this from happening, I’d be very grateful.

Anxious in Ohio