The best replacements for Umbros that I have come across are the Adidas soccer shorts.

I have actually been able to find Umbros every now and then at soccer shops. Actually any the shorts designed for soccer should work.

Hope this helps!

S

Dear S,

Thanks for the rec; other suggestions appear below, and if I got it more than once, it’s asterisked.

for Umbros
eBay*
soccer.com
Amazon*

other shorts
Champion C9 (available at Target)*
Columbia Sportswear nylon boating/water shorts
Sports Hill
Men’s ultra-lightweight quick-dry swim trunks (cut out the liner)
Lululemon*
Shebeest Zen Short
Men’s basketball shorts

I recently learned about a really cool job opportunity.Unfortunately, the job is located in a small town where I was caught up in a personal drama about five years ago, and the job would put me back in contact with some of the people who were involved in/knew about the drama.It is a good job, but I’m not sure I can go back there.Am I foolish to let an opportunity pass because of something that happened several years ago?I was a complete wreck after I left Small Town, and it took me some time to get over what happened there.(I was treated badly, but also made a few mistakes myself.)

One Step Forward or Two Steps Back?

Dear Step,

Without having any idea what the personal drama entailed, or how much it overlapped with your work, I really can’t tell you what you should do.I do think you should trust your instincts; if you think it’s a bad idea to go back to Small Town, that’s going to color your experience there, and it will become a bad idea, if you know what I’m saying.

On the other hand, if you’ve really put the past behind you and you can take this job opportunity as a positive — a cool job, nothing more — then yes, you should take it.

After five years, it’s probably time to put the past in the past if it’s not there already — but if that’s going to be your focus, instead of the job and the future, you’re probably better off passing on it.

Dear Sars,

I’m having a super-weird problem, and I’m hesitant to discuss it with my
friends, because I’m not sure how crazy it makes me sound.

About a year ago, I got bored at work (I know, right?), so I was updating my
online journal.When I finished, I was still bored, so I started looking
for someone else’s journal to read.I did a search for journals from my
hometown, and started sifting through the results for something well written
and amusing.

I found the journal of a 16-year-old kid who went to the same high school as
my little brother, who was going through a rough time coming to terms with
being gay.The high school he goes to is a “technical school,” which, in
this case, is really just code for “school for kids who can’t cope with
school.”They specialize in teaching kids with behavioural problems,
learning disabilities, or social difficulties.That school turned my
brother’s life around, and reading about it in this boy’s journal made me
want to find out how it was working out for him.

Also, as a gay man myself, reading this kid’s thoughts made me remember what
life was like for me at that age.(I’m 31 now.)Between my own experiences
and my brother’s, I felt really connected to what this boy was going
through, and I read through his old posts (only about five months’ worth),
and started keeping up with his journal, to see how he was doing.Normally,
I would have just added him to my list of journal friends, but some friends
of his had set up his account for him, and had disabled a lot of the
features that allow people to add him, or comment on his posts.

This kid’s life has been really tough so far.It’s heartbreaking how much
he’s already been through, not to mention the stuff that must be going on
around him that he hasn’t even caught onto yet.He often seems mystified by
other people’s behaviour, but his descriptions are detailed enough that, for
someone with more experience, it’s usually pretty clear what’s going on.

Anyway, long story short, he recently moved in with his aunt and cousin due
to various problems at home.They are very concerned about his online
activities, and have sat down with him to go through all of his various
email accounts, memberships, and journals.They’ve been removing
references to his hometown, his last name, and other identifying details.A
really smart move, obviously.Recently, they’ve started going through the
journal I read, and changing the security setting for each entry to “friends
only.”

I’m finding myself very anxious about losing touch with this kid’s life.
It’s not a case of misplaced affection, or anything.I’m realistic about
the lack of connection here, but I was getting a lot out of his experiences
myself.I would really miss reading his posts, and hearing about his
progress.

His email address is still attached to this journal, so I’m tempted to send
him an email explaining that I’ve been keeping up with him for a while, so
I’d like to add him to my journal as a friend, and ask that he add me as
well.I’d also ask him to tell his cousin about my request, just to address
the family’s fears about his online vulnerability.

The problem: If I were his cousin, I would tell anyone making such requests to
take a flying leap.Especially if they were almost twice his age.I do
think he’s too vulnerable online, and I don’t think he should take
unnecessary risks.Obviously, this is at odds with my desire to keep up
with his experiences.I’m really torn here.

I know I’m overthinking what is essentially a stupid blog issue, but I feel
really invested in this kid’s journal.What do you think I should do, Sars?
Should I take comfort in the fact that his family is looking out for his
best interest, and let go, or should I take a chance that his family would
understand and let me continue reading?And since you’re probably going to
tell me to let it go, do you have any advice about how to change my
perspective to decrease my separation anxiety?

Thanks for your help.

Not Normally This Irrational.No, Really.

Dear Irrational,

I don’t think it would do any harm to send a shorter version of what you just told me — briefly explain why you’ve taken an interest in his journal, and ask him to add you to his friends list if his family is comfortable with it.

But prepare yourself for the possibility that they won’t be comfortable with it, and if that’s the case and you no longer can read his journal, think about why you’ve gotten so invested in this kid.I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, and I think you’re aware that it’s not entirely about this particular kid — it’s also about your own experiences, and about your feelings about your brother.Maybe you should start your own journal, just for yourself, to see if you can work through what’s going on there.

It sounds like the guy has people looking out for him; you do feel this kinship with him, which is fine, but if you lose access to his journal, you shouldn’t feel like he’s your responsibility…and if you feel a loss connected with that, you should look at why that might be.

[9/12/06]

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