Hi Sars,

Need a little cat-related advice and so am asking a dumb
question. I’ve been reading through your old TN columns and I
recently came across the one in which you rant about not
being able to find non-clumping cat litter where you live.
You made the point that clumping cat litter gets thrown in
the trash where it continues to reek until the trash is taken
out. That’s a good point, and one with which I agree (I have
two cats).

So here’s the dumb question: Um, how does it work
with non-clumping cat litter so that it doesn’t stink up the
(very small) apartment until we take out the trash? We’ve
always used clumping, and I’m looking for ways to minimize
smells, since we have a baby on the way who doesn’t need to be
breathing that stuff. Should my husband (who cleans the box
now) just take out the cat waste every day? Dump it with the
baby waste in the diaper pail once the baby is here?How do
you keep your place odor-free? I’d appreciate any
help/suggestions you could offer. Thanks!

Love The Cats But Not The Smells

Dear Love,

Your apartment’s septic system may not allow for this, but I just flush the poo.Non-clumping litter doesn’t adhere to the poo, really, so just use a slotted scoop to lift the poo, rhumba it around with your wrist to shake off any extraneous litter until there’s only poo in the scoop, escort the scoop to the toilet, drop the poo in, and flush them away.Then stir up the remaining litter to air out the pee-y parts, dump a handful of fresh litter in to help soak up the urine smell, and that’s it.

I do that once a day and change the whole box once a week, and although I live in constant fear that my apartment has a spinster/cat-pee funk hanging over it, visitors tell me they don’t notice any smell.I should probably change the box more often, but I’ve got two cats and one box in a studio, and the current system works fine.

Another strategy is to feed the cats a higher-end kibble that reduces their output, if you don’t already.The diet Iams (in the orange bag) is more expensive than, say, Cat Chow, but it really pays for itself in terms of reducing the size/stench of the poo.But the real trick is the stirring/airing of the wet parts each day.Weed out and flush the poo, fluff up the pee, light a scented candle if you feel the need, and go about your day.

I have just ended a six-year relationship, and not very happily. After living together for a little over a year, I found out that my boyfriend was responding to personal ads online. Not only was he writing to other women, but he was making comments to them about our relationship being “boring.” We had gone through some hard times, but I never could have anticipated this. I later learned he had an overwhelming addiction to online porn and possible questionable relationships with women he worked with. Because of the length and level of our relationship, I think my expectations were for marriage, and to say I was devastated, humiliated and extraordinarily depressed is an understatement.

It was very easy to miss the better qualities in him, and when he contacted me after a few months of not talking, it seemed very easy to start talking again. We discussed a lot, and I actually agonized over having the relationship again. He swore there would be total honesty between us and he now knew what he wanted, and he even claimed to have spoken to a professional.Unfortunately, part of how I found out about all this online mischief was that I had his passwords, and in my struggle to know the truth, I checked his email account and learned he was still writing back to personal ads even though he had claimed he wasn’t.

Why would someone do this? Why lie, again? I haven’t told him what I know, just that I don’t want to talk to him anymore. How will I ever trust anyone again? Is online porn/personals addiction becoming more and more common, as I have learned that this has happened to other people (friends of friends, mostly)? Isn’t it fair to consider this cheating, even though there is no physical contact?

Thanks,
Sad and single

Dear Single,

He lies because he can.He lies because you buy it.He lies because he’s a selfish sleaze.But in the end, who cares why he lies?He lies, bottom line.Not your fault, not your problem.

The question isn’t whether it’s cheating, really, although his actions certainly qualify; he broke your trust, bad-mouthed the relationship, and tried to forge emotional and sexual connections with other women.The question isn’t whether you can trust “anyone” after what he’s done, either, although I can see how you’d find it hard for awhile.The question is why — after he showed you and your time together absolutely no respect, insulted your intelligence, and made you feel like a little smear of crap — you would trust him again, or let him back into your life at all.

Maybe, by allowing him back in, you thought you could prove to yourself that his assholery isn’t your fault.Maybe you wanted to try again and “get it right.”It’s a common instinct, but it’s a mistake, and in case you didn’t hear me the first time, let me repeat myself: He is a sleaze.He does not care about you or your feelings; he only cares about himself.He is immature, dishonest, and cruel.

He’s not the only one out there who’s like that, but he’s far from the norm.Keep him out of your life permanently, know that it’s not your fault he’s a dicksmack, and believe that you deserve respect and kindness.That’s part of how you trust people; you believe in your own worth, and you expect no less from others than that they treat you according to that worth.Work on that.

Hello Sarah, wondering if you can shed some light on something.My question is about the phrase “as per,” as in “As per my instructions, please do not leave your hair in the sink.”This drives me insane because it seems redundant — “per” is just Latin for “as.””As per” is like saying “as as,” right?I mean, it’s not quite the same as saying something like “therefore ergo,” but it’s just as useless.

In the words of that guy from the Psychedelic Furs, after he wasn’t a Fur anymore, “Am I wrong?”

Thanks a lot, and thanks especially for running so many grammar and style questions in the Vine.

Best regards,
Alias Alias

Dear Alias,

My pleasure.

Garner agrees with you, stating that “writing texts have long condemned the phrase” and calling it “redundant for per.”He adds that, while it is “commonly understood to mean ‘in accordance with’…any one of several everyday equivalents will suffice,” phrases like as and according to.In short, it’s one of those bits of business-ese, like “utilize,” that people use to make themselves sound more erudite.”As per my request” sounds much more official (read: “officious”) than “as I requested.”But it’s still incorrect.

For the record, though, per in Latin is a fairly elastic preposition whose function varies depending on the context.”Through” is the primary meaning and the one with which we associate it in English, most notably via its use in prefixes, but per also encompasses during, for, at, by, with a view to, and a host of other meanings in Latin.It is therefore possible to argue that as per isn’t redundant, provided that the per element is taken to mean, say, “under pretense of” and that a “though” is implied after “as,” but you’ll have to get up pretty early in the morning to win that argument.I could set my alarm and do it, probably, but insisting on a Latin-geek interpretation still violates the spirit of the rule in English, so why bother.

Short answer: You are not wrong.

[9/17/02]

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