Seeing as you are my fount of editorial wisdom, I figured I’d ask you a
question before I decided to kill my editor.

As a publications designer, I
have a fairly good sense of how to copy-edit. I know that widows and orphans
are single words left at the end of paragraphs or columns — I can never
remember which is which. Is it incorrect, however, to begin a sentence at
the end of a column — e.g., I have a ten-sentence paragraph that spans two
columns; the first word of the fifth sentence is the last word in the first
column with the sentence (and the paragraph) continuing onto the second
column with both columns on the same page. Is this considered a widow,
orphan, or some such bastard child? I don’t think so and have never been
told to change such a situation, but Ms. Editrice has decided that it is a
no-no. I will abide by your say so on this ever-so important question!

Also, is it okay to break “et al” across two lines?

Thanks,
I’m A Designer, Not An Editor

Dear Designer,

According to the Chicago Manual, a widow is a word or a short line on its own at the top of a page; an orphan, conversely, is the first line of a paragraph or section left alone at the bottom of a page or column.So, the example you cite is an orphan.Collectively, we call widows and orphans “bad breaks.”On the list of mortal editing sins, bad breaks don’t rank very high, but leaving them in makes the document in question look less professional than it could.

Ms. Editrice is right; you should throw in an extra space somewhere, or change a word so that the formatting comes up even for both columns.Otherwise, it looks funky.

“Et al.” can go across two lines as long as it’s not the last two words in the sentence.(Don’t forget the period after the “al.” part, as “al.” is an abbreviation of the Latin alia.There’s no period after “et,” though.Incorrect punctuation of that expression is one of the more frequent errors I see made.)

Hi Sars,

This question is not juicy like many of your personal, “people problem”
problems, but I am hoping you have some etiquette insight regarding what, I
thought, was a minor and personal decision.

My stepmother’s father passed
away last week. She was very close to her father, and his death, although
not unexpected, has hit her very hard. She is very religious; she attends
weekly services, teaches Sunday School, and has spent the past 17 years
attempting to salvage my threatened soul. I am a hard-core agnostic,
bordering on atheist, but have always been very respectful of her unswerving
faith in her God. I do not preach my (non-)religious beliefs, but I have
never been particularly bothered by her propensity for spreading the Word.

The problem? Well, given her fervent faith, I decided that a
spiritual/religious condolence card was most likely to show how strongly I
1) feel for her loss, and 2) wish to offer her comfort in a way that is most
soothing to her. My best friend, a devout atheist, freaked out at me, called
me a big hypocrite, et cetera, because of my decision. I argued that the card was
not about me and my beliefs, unless by “beliefs” she meant my belief that a
condolence card is meant to provide comfort and understanding to those who
are suffering through the loss of a loved one.

According to her, she feels that, by sending a card stating that I hope she
(my stepmom) “will find comfort in the arms of the Lord” or something to
that effect, I am committing to religious beliefs that I do not subscribe
to. I think she is a bit over the top with the whole “athiest or death”
attitude, but I thought I would get your perspective about the etiquette
aspect of it. Was I practicing poor etiquette by sending a card that
contained statements that I, myself, do not (and my stepmom knows I do not)
subscribe to?

Godless

Dear Godless,

If the card said, “I hope you will find comfort in the arms of the Lord,” I really don’t see a problem.The sentiment is not untrue; you do hope that your stepmother finds comfort there.The card doesn’t claim that you would seek comfort there, or that you spoke to the Lord and He told you to give your stepmom a message.It merely expresses your wish that she find solace in her beliefs — hers, not yours.

If anyone has an apparent difficulty with etiquette, it’s your best friend, because even if she thinks that the death of a parent is an appropriate time for you to climb up on the soapbox of differing religious ideals, which it is not, that’s a sentiment she should keep to herself because it’s none of her damn business.

I think it’s time to trot out the tried-and-true Miss Manners response to such inappropriate queries/haranguing.Ask your friend mildly why she cares.”Well, I just think you shouldn’t compromise your blah blah blah.”Ask her again why she cares.Keep asking until it sinks in that it’s nothing resembling her affair, and shuts her trap.

Hey Sars:

So I’ve got a New York-oriented issue, and I figure, well, hell, since
you’re New York-oriented, you might offer some advice. Or, at the very
least, a starting point for me thinking about it. That said? Okay…

I moved to NYC back in 1999 with my (now ex) fiancé. He got into shady
stuff, and I split. I stayed in NYC for a year after the break-up and
while still there, I was attacked while coming home late at night from a
wacky company party; in the process I lost my front teeth and had
facial scarring. My boss felt horrible, and gave me the opportunity to
move back to my hometown and telecommute. I jumped at the chance,
because I didn’t think the city was the place for me to heal. (Plus?
Working in pajamas? YAY!)

Fast forward two years. I’ve got the teeth back, no scarring, and my
sense of security intact. I make trips to NYC once or twice a month for
work (same field, different company). Since I’ve still got a ton of
friends there, I tend to hang out before going back home. During one of
my visits several months ago, I was out with friends and hit it off with
a guy who had just started hanging out with them.He came down for a
visit, and we had a great time…and I went up the next weekend…and
so on and so forth. It’s been almost four months now.He I have a great
time together and have struck a great balance between seeing each other
two weekends a month and managing to call/email every day. I’ve always
been wary of long-distance relationships, and hadn’t been looking
when I met him, but “Chris” rocks my socks off in a way that hasn’t
happened in a damm long time. In short? I’m really happy.

The problem? What comes next? While we aren’t at the stage where
something has to give, I’ve got the feeling that soon that time will
come. A good friend told me that all long-distance relationships come to
a point sooner or later (this makes sense, of course) where you either
change to be closer together, or change to move apart. Thing is, he’s a
photographer for a network show that films in NYC, and my career is
grounded in the music industry.Obviously, both of these things are
centered in NYC. (Hence the business trips).I have a feeling I will
be the one to move, for all the “practical” reasons: more money for me
in the city; I’m better known professionally in NYC than here; his
steady job and chances for success lie in NYC photo industry, as there
aren’t many photo ops where I’m from.

But I’m wary — I’ve done the moving-for-a-guy before
(though the ex I moved WITH to NYC, to BE WITH in NYC), and I had been thinking of grad-schooling it in a small
southern town where the cat could easily get fleas. Any advice on how to
approach the thought process? Part of me shrieks, “DON’T go ANYWHERE for
a boy!” and part of me is yelling, “Okay, dumbass, you could have a good
career, a ton o’ friends, and the niftiest guy you’ve met if you go?
DUH.” Whatever I choose, I know it’s my decision, but…how to go about
making it?

Thanks,
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Dear Go,

At the risk of getting all Mrs. Miyagi on you, you make the decision by making it.No, seriously.I mean, you can make pros-and-cons lists and get your tarot read and discuss it to death with your friends and whatnot, but eventually, you just have to decide and trust yourself to deal with the decision.

I can see why you’d feel uncomfortable with the concept of “moving for a guy,” but really, it’s as good a reason as any to move.Maybe it doesn’t work out, sure, but maybe you move for a job and that doesn’t work out either, so…the key to coming to decisions like this is not to talk yourself out of what you want because it’s hard or because you think it Says Something About You or whatever.To put it another way, whenever you make a decision, that leads to other decisions — whether to stick with the original decision or not, for example — but you have to make the decision in front of you first and not get ahead of yourself with the decisions that come after that, if that makes any sense.

From what you’ve told me, there’s no reason you can’t make the move back to NYC — but just as importantly, there’s no reason you can’t just move away again if it’s not doing it for you.I know it’s a big decision, but you have to believe that you know what’s best for yourself and that you can deal with whatever that means for you decision-wise.Maybe that means that this leap is the best one you ever make.Maybe that means that you get to the other side, look around, go “okay, not so much,” and leap somewhere else.

But for now, one thing at a time.Decide whether to move back here, and take it from there.

[9/24/02]

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