I am writing in regards to Coffeedrinker.I’d like to add to your
assurances that these kinds of dreams are totally normal before the wedding.
I just got married three weeks ago, and the last couple of months were filled
with disconcerting dreams.I hate to break it to her, but these dreams will
probably continue and even worsen as the wedding day approaches.Rest
assured, however, that I don’t know a single bride that hasn’t gone through
it.

Like Coffeedrinker, I too was (and still am!) madly in love with my fiancé
(now husband) and I had all kinds of odd dreams.Ex-boyfriends that I
hadn’t thought about in years made their appearance in my subconscious
nighttime cabaret!I even had a couple of dreams about perfect strangers!
I would have been concerned myself if my big sister, who had gotten married
two years ago, hadn’t told me all about her dreams and assured me this was
normal.

Getting married is a massive transition, even if you’ve been living together
forever.The choice to devote your life to one person for the rest of your
mortal years is bound to dredge up all kinds of thoughts on love, sex and
marriage, no matter how obscure they might be.And really, if you didn’t
feel the depth of this decision, you should probably be worried!

These dreams, though annoying, do not point to some unresolved reservations
about the choice you’ve made. Not at all!It’s perfectly normal and very
common.Take it from another bride.

A Bride Who’s Been There

Dear Been There,

Right on.And on top of the massive-transition factor, there’s the sheer stress of planning a wedding, which is bound to have its own effects on the unconscious.

In other words, the dreams probably come from anxiety, and as such, they shouldn’t cause any further anxiety.

Dearest Sars —

Please excuse the narcotic-induced ramblings; I know you hold no medical degree, but I find myself reading and rereading your advice to others, so I’m hoping you can offer me some peace of mind during my LONG convalescence.

I recently underwent laparoscopic surgery in an attempt to identify the cause of the knock-you-on-your-ass side pain I’ve been suffering periodically for the last year.I have a pretty extensive history of nether-region problems which, until now, had been “treated” with birth control pills by a nurse practitioner.Rewind to this past September, when an OB/GYN diagnosed and surgically removed fibroids and polyps from my uterus. Fuming anger at stupid nurse practitioner who jaunted off on Labor Day holiday, having neglected condition of my cervix for several years. Apologies for the anatomy discussion, but you’ll soon see my point.

Basically, the upshot of this most recent surgery is that I have endometriosis.My new doc removed it during surgery, but I have two weeks until my post-op with her.Here is my freak-out: A. I am absolutely terrified that I am not going to be able to have kids. B. I have a huge family history of this problem — both my gram and great-gram had hysterectomies before turning 30, but they were fortunate to churn out quite a few kids first.I’m twenty-six years old, and I am not even dating anyone AT ALL, let alone planning on bearing any offspring anytime soon.I’ve always assumed I’d have kids when I was in my early thirties; granted, I also assumed my Friday nights would not be spent cursing menBridget Jones style with close chick friends.

I know you cannot reassure me that these hips of mine will actually be worthwhile, but could you point me in the right direction of contact?Last time I independently looked for medical advice on the web, I convinced myself that my tipped uterus would also render me infertile…I would love to find a decent support group/web site…

Thanks,
Suddenly obsessed with Pampers commercials

Dear Obsessed,

Feel better soon.

I don’t know of any support groups, but the readership will no doubt come through with a few excellent suggestions; they always do.So, watch this space.

And try not to get ahead of yourself worrying about whether you can have kids.I know that’s easier said than done, but you don’t know yet whether the endometriosis will prevent you from carrying a child, and if it does, you’ll still have options — science, adoption, et cetera.

Call your OB/GYN’s office and ask for a referral to a support group or a counselor, concentrate on recuperating from the surgery, and reassure yourself as best you can that you can handle the outcome — whatever that outcome.

Hi Sars,

I adopted a four- or five-year-old cat from a shelter a few months ago.At his
post-adoption physical, I was told that his shots have expired and that his
teeth are past due for a cleaning (which I had concluded on my own, after
face-to-face cat yawns and the occasional facial tongue-scrape of
affection).

So Kitty needs his feline distemper shot, and his teeth a good
scrubbing, but I’m a student and I have little income right now.Which
would be best taken care of first: the shot(s?) or the teeth?(One will be
done within a few weeks of the other, but I’m not sure which one should have
more priority.)

Thanks,
My cat has ass-breath too

Dear Too,

Update the shots first; fresh breath will keep, but rabies won’t.

Unless Kitty has serious dental rot/loose teeth that affect his ability to eat, buy a bag of the crunchy cat treats that fight tartar and schedule the cleaning for later, when you can afford it.

[9/25/02]

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