The only thing I’ve ever gotten to work is Selsun Blue’s moisturizing
formula with aloe.Now if I could find a shampoo that would protect my
black shirts from cat hair…

I’m plenty flaky on my own, thanks

Dear Flaky,

Thanks for the tip; I got several recommendations for that one.Other remedies for dry/flaky scalp appear below; as always, if I’ve received a suggestion more than once, it’s asterisked.

Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Special Shampoo*
Lush’s Soak and Float bar*
Giovanni Triple Treat Tea Tree shampoo
KnottyBoy.com’s shampoo bar
Neutrogena T-Gel*
Nizoral*
Neutrogena T-Sal*
Sebulex
Denorex*
Lush’s Recon
Tannenbaum’s Pine Tar shampoo
Nioxin
The Head & Shoulders in the blue bottle*
Oilatum Scalp Treatment Shampoo
Aveda Scalp Remedy*
Lush’s Retread
Keune So Pure Exfoliating Shampoo
Johnson’s Baby Shampoo
Garnier Fructis for dry/damaged hair
Phyto’s Phytosylic Anti-Dandruff Shampoo
Lush’s Love Juicy shampoo
Lush’s Veganese conditioner
Kerastase For Sensitive Scalps
Lush’s Rehab
Philip B Peppermint and Avocado shampoo
Body Shop dry scalp shampoo
Bumble + Bumble Tonic
Skin Zinc
Phyto’s Phytopolleine Botanical Scalp Treatment
Desert Essence Therapeutic Treatment shampoo and conditioner
Frederic Fekkai Sensitive Scalp shampoo

Avoid anything with sodium lauryl sulphate
Selenium/flax seed oil dietary supplements

Sars,

Since you’re the only writer I know, I figured you were the perfect person to ask this question to.I’m in need of advice about my writing career, or lack thereof.But I need to give some background first.

I’m an engineer by trade (and collegiate and graduate degree).I’ve been at the same semi dead-end job for ten years now, for reasons that have more to do with than struggles in my personal life (gay coming-out issues) rather than an enjoyment of that job or career choice.But in the past six months, there’s been considerable upheaval at the workplace.My best friend, whom I’d shared an office with for 7 years, decided to leave.Then we were about to get bought out and have the offices move, but that fell through.And now this week, I found out that our president has decided to leave as well.Basically, the writing is on the wall and I need to get the hell out of this sinking ship before it makes me even more miserable than I’ve been in this year of turmoil.

So while I’ve been searching for a new job, I find myself less and less enthusiastic about any opportunities in the field that I’m working in, the only field I’m really qualified to work in (both in education and experience).And I keep coming back to the fact that I’ve always wanted to be a writer.But for reasons that aren’t exactly clear, but have to do with the personal problems as well as monetary fears, I never truly pursued writing as a career.

That’s not to say that I don’t write.In fact since college, I’ve written four complete novels, varying in length from 350 to 550 pages.The last one that I completed is something that I’m very proud of, is much much better than my first novel, has been proofread to the hilt (by me only though) and I feel is quite publishable, or at least of a publishable quality.But I never really tried to get it published, or any of my works.I’d say that I’ve sent out maybe ten query letters in my life.And this last novel was finished back around 2002 or 2003.And I haven’t seriously started any fiction writing since then.

I have a blog now (taking after my hero Sars) which I’ve posted to daily for the past year and a half, and that has kept up my writing habit at least, although the topics (crappy TV shows, good music) and tone (it’s all about the sarcasm) are not really remotely related to the novels I’ve written (which are far more autobiographical and dramatic).But I would love to get back into writing and have it be the focus of my career, instead of just a hobby that I’m no longer focused on.

So I’ve come up with some theories on a next step. I could spend some serious time trying to get my last novel published, although I’m not sure exactly how.I could take some writing workshops or courses.Community college creative writing classes look a little sketchy, but there’s the Gotham Writers Workshop in NYC offering one-day and ten-week courses that I could take.I could even enroll in an M.A. or M.F.A. program in creative writing at a university.There’s a few schools here in NJ (Rutgers, Rowan) offering those programs, which I would assume would help me change my career.But I really don’t know which is the appropriate direction to take or what would really be offered.It’s not like I’m a perfect writer (as you can see from this e-mail) but I have completed several novels, so I’m not sure that a bunch of classes about “craft” are necessary for me.

A part of me wants to quit my job, sell my house, move to an apartment in the city and just become a writer — whatever that means, living off the significant profits from the sale of my house in order to support myself while I make the drastic step to force myself into a career that I’ve always wanted (plus, living in the city would probably help with the sexuality struggles that have continued).Basically, I’m ready to make a change, but I’m 34 years old now, I’m a little wary that it’s too late and besides, I really, really hate change.And of course, I don’t really know what the best course of action is.I do know that the whole thing has made me very stressed and depressed after several “great” years of feeling better about my life and my situation.

In the immediate short term, I’m looking for a new job in my current field, hopefully finding something that will at least not be as bad as my current job is.And I’m probably going to enroll in a one-day workshop in NYC at the end of the month.I’m getting brochures from the graduate programs that might help me make some decisions.But any advice you can give would be very much appreciated.

Thanks,
Aspiring Author

Dear Asp,

I think you have several separate issues here, and I would be careful about tying them together — by which I mean that I would be careful about expecting to make a career of, or any workable money from, writing in the short term when you have no practical experience.

Everyone’s writing life is different, everyone’s financial and recognition-based progress is different, some people get a lot of use out of an MFA and others look back and think it was a waste of time — there’s no one answer here.But the vast majority of fiction writers do not have the luxury of retiring from the field of other employment until fairly late in the game, if ever, and unless you live in one of those big old Colonial piles on the north side of Summit, the money from selling your house will not last very long in New York.

So, separate the issues.You want to move to New York, maybe; you want to become a writer, maybe.Two separate plans, and the former does not have a whole lot to do with the latter, because you’re already a writer.You write.You produce work.Sitting down and doing it isn’t a problem for you, in the long view.You might benefit from some workshops, just to have contact with other writers and get feedback on your work, but getting it sold has nothing to do with your geographical location and everything to do with grinding it out — churning out stories and drafts and query letters, submitting to publications, trying to get an agent, trying to get readings.

New York isn’t going anywhere; if you’re ambivalent about change, moving to the city is going to create more upheaval and doubt than it resolves, I’m guessing, not to mention using energy you could be spending on your work, with the escrow and the Craigslist and the blah blah.You might want to table that particular issue for a while and focus on becoming a little more directed with your writing first — and if, after a few months or a year, you’re feeling like the city is the place to be with that, then make the move.

But you’re already a writer.You just need to get yourself around some other writers, hear their stories, put yourself in a context, and do the work.

Hi Sars,

After tiring of hearing myself complain about not meeting any dateable men,
I subscribed to Match.com.I’ve gotten lots of responses, which is cool if
a little overwhelming, but it seems like within 5-7 emails, the guys start
turning the conversation to sex.I’ve gone through my emails and I don’t
believe I take the convo in that direction, and when they do, I try to steer
it away without sounding pissed.

The truth is, though, that I am pissed.
My profile is about how I love my dog and action movies, and I don’t post
photos of myself in bondage gear or anything, so why do they pull that crap?
Other than telling them to piss off, how can I communicate, preferably
before the first email and without sounding completely bitter, that if they
want someone to talk dirty to them, they should call a 1-900 number?

Thanks,
Are the men just grosser in NYC?

Dear Not To My Knowledge,

I don’t know about Match.com specifically, but don’t most dating sites have an option you can check off for “play,” or some other cutesy expression that indicates you just want to hook up and not go on dates?Go into your profile and make sure you don’t have that checked off by mistake.

If that isn’t an option, just say straight out in the narrative portion of your profile that you aren’t looking to talk dirty to anyone — “let’s keep it PG ’til we meet in person,” something like that.

And you might have better luck with the Spring Street network of personals sites, via Bust.com or Nerve or one of those sites (I think The Onion used to have them too).It’s the company TWoP used when we had personals linked to the site, and it seemed to weed out some of the crasser behavior.

[9/26/06]

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