I work in magazine publishing in a major minor city — my job is the only one of its kind in the city, although there are other publishing companies. I have been unhappy at work over the last year and am considering a career change to teaching high-school journalism. I sent resumes to every school in the city, and I actually got a call about an interview today. My problem is, now that I have other prospects for a job, I’m kind of worried about leaving.

What if I hate teaching? I can’t really go back to my old job once I quit, and there are no other jobs like it outside of my present employer. I really like what my job duties entail — my actual work — but I don’t like the company’s disregard for its employees’ happiness or the fact that I am being unmercifully overworked — my workload has doubled in the last six months. So I don’t know if I’m just getting cold feet, not having expected to get a response from any of the schools because of my lack of teaching experience, or if it’s my gut telling me to stick it out at my present employer for when it will get better — if it ever will.

Help,
Christine M.

Dear Christine,

It’s just cold feet.It’s totally normal, and it’s totally natural, but you shouldn’t second-guess yourself into staying.Okay, it might not work out, but you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

If you wind up hating teaching, you’ll find something else to do — go into a different field, or find another part of your current field that you didn’t know about that you’d like to go into, travel the world, become a garbageman, whatever — but nothing is written in stone.It’s fine to feel fearful, but it’s time to move forward.Move forward.

Dear Sarah,

I’m a 17-year-old chick in the middle of Mississippi
(or you can call it nowhere, because it’s basically the same thing).Sadly, that’s not my only problem. Let me give you a little background.

I’m not really at all like girls my age.While they like to talk about the newest, most fabulous, oh-my-God lip-gloss shade they’ve ever seen, I like to watch baseball and throw sarcastic comments at bad TV
shows.While their closets are full of the newest in late adolescent slut attire, I prefer the cheap stuff from Old Navy.These things are not problems, but they are stated to give you some idea why I’m having my problem.

And my problem is this: I am the friend to guys.I’m never, ever the girl they want to date.I’m the one they want to talk to about their problems or sports or whatever else, but I’m never the one they want to go out with.It’s nice to a certain degree.Because I’m friends with guys, I don’t have to put up with the constant airheaded prattle so typical to girls my age.

But hell, I’m a teenager and I’ve got about a million hormones racing through me fast and furious.I’m not Kate Moss or whatever anorexic supermodel is hosting “Mission: Makeover” on MTV this week, but I’m no barking car chaser either.And I’m not asking for much here.Just some nice, reasonably good-looking guy with decent hair, straight teeth, and enough smarts about him to give me a good fight.And can remember my birthday after I tell him what it is about a million times.

Anyway, what I think I’m getting to is this: Do these guys exist?I mean, are they out there?I know I’m only 17 and I’ve got all this time ahead of me, and blah blah whatever.But I need to know, should I just know now that these guys don’t exist, or should I hold on to hope?

Any answer you could give me would do.I think I just wrote all of this to get out a little hostility.

Thanks,
The sausage king of the midwest

Dear Ms. Froman,

Yes, they are out there.They are absolutely out there.Decent hair, straight teeth, do hilarious imitations of Larry King, tease you mercilessly but call you up to say hi when they know you’ve had a bad day, think it’s the neatest thing ever when you threaten to call the police and report a case of identity theft because there’s a fat guy on the mound impersonating a major-league pitcher.

High school is a difficult time, because in high school, many boys and girls haven’t figured out that they should treat each other like people and friends, and not like boys and girls, and everyone gets all tied up in gender roles and “girls don’t do this or that” and “boys don’t like such-and-so” and so on, and a lot of times, we more “non-traditional” women feel left out of a big secret.

But a lot of boys (and girls) do, and will, get it sorted out.Being the She’s Like A Guy Girl sucks in some ways, but it rocks in many other ways, and regardless, it’s who you are.Just keep rocking your khakis and your knowledge of the infield fly rule and hang in there.

Hi!

I hope you can help me, but more than likely, I just need to put some of my thoughts into actual words, and maybe that can help.Then again, maybe you’ll have some sort of advice.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and four months.We’re so comfortable around each other that I don’t even notice anymore when he calls me “turd.”We constantly hurl insults at each other, and, well, there’s more.I have no desire to kiss him or do anything like that at all with him either.However, in some strange way, I still enjoy his company.I went out of town a couple of weeks ago, to Hawaii (I live in Tennessee).He had the opportunity to go with me, but wouldn’t.In fact, the whole time I was there, seeing all this beautiful scenery, I would miss him, but then realize that he wouldn’t appreciate one goddamn bit of it even if he HAD been there.I decided while I was there that I would break up with him when I got back home. But then I saw him again and I gave him the gifts that I had bought for him there.He looked so cute in the hat I bought him at the Hard Rock Café in Kona…sigh.

Where am I going with this?Should I break up with him?Despite the “turd” references, he does treat me well.Should I take the chance of losing him, or should I go out on a limb and be by myself?I am incredibly shy and withdrawn, and have only become more so since I’ve dated him.My friend, Jesse, said the other night (granted, he HAD been drinking), “He’s a dork.A dork like that should thank you every day for going out with him and not call you a turd all the time. That really bothers me.”And so on.I’m scared.What should I do?

Sincerely,
Looking For Answers

Dear Looking,

He’s not a boyfriend anymore.He’s a habit.That’s all well and good, and he sounds like a valuable friend to you, but — well, that’s all he is now, and it’s time to downgrade him officially.

It’s really awful and wrenching to tell a guy you just don’t feel That Way about him anymore, but it’s got to be done, and I imagine he senses that you feel the way you do already — and might feel the same way himself.

So, break it off with him.Tell him that you adore him and you wouldn’t give up the time you’ve spent with him for anything, but that things have changed and you don’t want to date him anymore.

I know it’s scary, but the longer you put it off, the scarier it’s going to seem, and your feelings won’t change, so get it over with.It’ll suck at first, no doubt, but it’ll get better and you won’t regret it.You aren’t doing him, or yourself, any favors by staying in a “romantic” relationship that’s really platonic.End it.

[9/6/01]

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