The Vine: September 7, 2000
Hey…I am a twenty-year-old chica who is stressing big time. I have finished two and a half years of college and I just took a quarter off. My problem is that with the fall quarter looming right in front of me, I have to make a decision about whether or not to go back. I realize the importance of a college degree and plant to get one…eventually. It’s just that right now I do not want to be in school.
I am so sick of people (mostly my highly critical mother) telling me that if I take time off I will never go back…or giving me this “I am so sorry that you have failed in life” kind of look every time I say I’m not in school right now. Since when did it become a moral offense to NOT be in school? I am waiting tables right now and loving it. I would like to travel and just spend time figuring out who I am. I have absolutely no desire to go to school; in fact the very idea makes me physically ill. I also have no passion for a specific line of work or study and do not want any sort of 9-to-5 career.
The only thing I know for sure is that I want to have children young and be a stay-at-home mom. I hate how our society makes me feel like an underachieving loser for wanting something so simple. I do not want to work in an office, wear Ralph Lauren suits or make more than $100,000 a year. I do not wish to become yet another version of the high-strung, career-savvy businesswoman of the eighties. So, does this make me pathetic? Why should I go to school to get a degree that would get mea job that I never wanted in the first place? I have no problem letting my husband be the breadwinner and living on a smaller income. I do not want to work (although I LOVE volunteering and do it often). I am intelligent, I read a lot of books and I believe that life and its experiences teach you far more valuable lessons than some professor ever could. So why do I feel so guilty about this? I really need your advice. Should I just suck it up and be miserable through a couple more years of school? Or should I follow my heart, live my life for me and go back to school when I feel ready?
Girl in CA
Dear Girl,
You already know the answer, I think; if you don’t want to go back to school, don’t go back to school, and if people give you attitude, smile patiently and tell them, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You shouldn’t feel obligated to follow a given path in life just to gratify other people’s expectations, so forget about school for now. If at some point in the future you’d like to give it another try, there’s nothing stopping you.
I would add, though, that if you don’t want people to judge your choices, you probably shouldn’t judge the choices of others. If the business world isn’t your bag, that’s fine, but the whole high-strung-career-woman cliché went out with the Rubik’s cube.
