Hi Sars —

In the same situation myself. BCBG (online) has some awesome dresses in
the brown, deep purple, and sage areas. Lots have empire-type
sillouettes which can be ultra-flattering on thicker-waisted ladies.
They’re going to run about $280, but they’re totally cute and wearable
on other occasions.

If she doesn’t like buying online, Saks and some boutiques often carry
BCBG.

Been There

Dear Been,

Thanks for the rec.Other suggestions appear below; if I got it more than once, it’s asterisked.

revampvintage.com
David’s Bridal
dressbydesign.com
dressaday.com
Ann Taylor’s Celebrations collection*
bluefly.com*
Any wedding shop with bridesmaids’ dresses for sale
www.daddyos.com — the Stop Staring line*
Nordstrom’s
www.chadwicks.com, in the formal section
JC Penney’s online bridal shop
Old Navy
pinupgirlclothing.com

Hi Sars,

I’m moving to NYC for grad school this fall. I’ve lived in Florida for 20 years and as such do not even own a winter coat. I have two sweaters to my name and most of my shoes are open-toed. Any advice on the basics for a cold-weather wardrobe? I’m on a budget and looking for functional things. Stylish would be nice, but I’m more interested in not getting frostbite.

Thanks,
What do you mean I can’t wear flip-flops in November up there?

Dear Flopsy,

First: the coat.The coat is actually a relatively minor concern, but if you’re on a budget and only want to buy one piece of major outerwear, you’ll want a coat that can work with everything — jeans, business cazh, dress-up.I’d suggest a three-quarter-length or knee-length coat like this one, a long wool number with functional pockets.(Do not buy a coat in a pale color.New York is a sooty place and you will spend plenty of time on the subway.No white, no light blue.)Get something classic that will last you for a few winters; it’s worth a few hundred dollars if you amortize it.

You can also find inexpensive outerwear at Delias.com, Old Navy, and at online vintage stores (New York City vintage prices are ridiculous — stick to eBay or rustyzipper.com), if you want to augment with a puffer jacket or a peacoat.Goodwill stores usually have a big overstock of navy peacoats.

Second, and more important: winter accessories.You absolutely must have a warm hat, a scarf, and mittens or gloves.Don’t spend a lot of money on this stuff — it’s a truth universally accepted that the more you paid for a pair of gloves, the higher the likelihood that you will lose them in a cab or at a coatcheck — but buy a couple of each.

Third: weatherproof footwear.Invest in a functional pair of cold-weather boots with soles that grip.The rubber bootie is not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen, but you only have to fall down in snow that’s tinted with dog pee once, if you know what I’m saying.

Fourth: layering.Learn it, live it, love it.Tank top under a waffle tee under a v-neck sweater under a blazer, with jeans (hose underneath) and knee-socks and boots?Practically my uniform come February.Winter in New York means freezing temperatures outside, but old-age-home heat blasting inside, so layering not only keeps you warmer outdoors by trapping heat between your layers; it also makes it easier for you to adjust to indoor temps at work or at parties.

This is not a wardrobe item, but fifth: moisturizing.Drink lots of water, and post an economy-sized bottle of moisturizer in every corner of your home.A northern winter is dry as the desert and your skin is going to get pissed; be prepared.

Snow falling on Manhattan is a beautiful sight if you’re prepared.Bundle up and enjoy.

Dear Sars,

As with many of your readers, I have a guy problem.I met someone on the internet and we’ve been out on two dates.He’s sweet, wonderful, handsome, smart and funny as hell.We have the same tastes in music, movies, television, et cetera.On the two dates, he treated me like a princess and kept me in stitches all night with his sense of humor.

There’s just one problem: whatever “it” is that you’re supposed to feel, the butterflies, the excitement that you’re supposed to feel with someone that you’re interested in having a relationship with, I’m not feeling with him, and now I feel like total shit because I don’t know how to tell him that I just want to be friends without sounding like a bitch, a tease, or a complete and total cliché because I know he wants more and he deserves more — with someone who is just as smitten with him as he seems to be with me.(I know I just committed some serious grammatical crimes with that last sentence, please forgive me.)

How do I let this guy down easily without hurting his feelings and letting him know that in this case, it really ISN’T him, it’s me?I like him and I want to be friends with him, but I’ve realized that’s ALL I want from him.Also, am I a total bitch for NOT having feelings for him?He’s wonderful and I’ve been kicking my ass all weekend because I can’t see him as anything more than a friend.

Signed,
Flunked Chemistry and Feeling Like Crap

Dear Chem,

If the chemistry isn’t there, it isn’t.It’s a shame, but don’t beat yourself up excessively about it — it’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just bad luck.

The way you tell him is…to tell him.Don’t over-explain it; he doesn’t need a bunch of (possibly hurtful) detail about the ways in which you aren’t feeling it.Just tell him that you really like him, and like spending time with him, but you don’t want anything more than friendship.

This is not a fun thing to hear, and unfortunately, you can’t realistically expect him to shake it off right away and not get even a little upset; it doesn’t work that way.You don’t want him to resent you, I understand that, but sometimes that’s not up to you, so the kindest thing to do is to speak frankly to him, without vagueness or excuses or a speech about what he “deserves,” because that’s going to come off condescending.Be gentle but firm, and hope that the two of you can move past it — but if he’s not down with that, that doesn’t make you a bitch.You’re not into it, and he doesn’t have to be happy about that, but you don’t have to pretend otherwise, either.

[9/7/06]

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