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Home » Culture and Criticism

A Four-Letter Word

Submitted by on September 1, 2001 – 12:42 PM55 Comments

Slut — 1: a slovenly woman : SLATTERN 2a: a lewd woman; esp : PROSTITUTE b: a saucy girl : MINX

Ah, "slut." A compact little word, forceful even in the way it sounds, starting out with a hissing sibilant and pushing off of the tongue through the L and U, and then that nastily crisp T. "Slut." Say it a few times out loud. Roll it around in your mouth. "Sssslut." "Sss…lllut." Say it again. Notice that it's difficult — almost impossible, in fact — to pronounce it neutrally. It's got a sneer built into it, that word. It's not as twangy and unthreatening as "tramp." It's not as easy to yell as "whore." "Whore" is built for screaming rage and dishes flying through the air, with a nice gusty H at the front and a big old roaring R bringing up the rear. Not "slut," though. "Slut" is muttered. "Slut" is whispered. "Whore" comes in like a punch, but "slut" tingles, like a slap. "Slut" hides behind the teeth. "Slut" is for when your back is turned.

"Slut" is for when you don't act like a lady. "Slut" is for when you sit with your legs apart. "Slut" is for when you wear it short, tight, without a bra, cut up high and down low and around the side, because, see, "slut" is also for when you have the nerve to enjoy your body in front of women who hate their own bodies. Don't strut. Don't dance with soul, or lick your lips. Don't look too good; don't think you look too good. Digging your own self is slutty. Making your own good time is slutty. Who do you think you are, anyway? Knees together, slut.

"Slut" is for when you forget to hate and fear boys. "Slut" is for when you talk to them, flirt with them, hang out with them and watch kung fu movies, pretend they don't suck at guitar, sit on their laps, cut their hair. "Slut" is for when you don't remember that you can't have a male friend unless he's your brother or gay, because your male friends want to fuck you, and you can't handle that. "Slut" is liking sports and belches and messy apartments — or, rather, "liking" those things, because you couldn't really like those things. You just pretend to like them so that you can get attention from men, because you have no personality of your own, and even if you did, men only want you for your action anyway. That's pathetic. Get a life, slut.

"Slut" is for when, in spite of everything you've learned from Cosmo and your sorority sisters, you just love men, for when you want to look at them and talk about them and burrow your nose into their necks and lick them from head to toe and hop right on them when they walk in the door like that scene from Raising Arizona where Holly Hunter clings to Nicolas Cage like a wood tick. Ugh. That's so undignified. That's so unfeminine. "Slut" is for walking down the street and talking to a friend on your cell phone and watching a cute boy walk past in the opposite direction and looking at him and looking away and looking back and then turning around in mid-sentence to keep looking. "Slut" is for thinking of stubble burn and biting your lip. "Slut" is for remembering the way your first true love used to pin you up against his car door and flushing clear up to the roots of your hair. "Slut" is for big hands and deep voices. "Slut" is for on top of you and under you and behind you, in the closet, on the floor, under the piano. "Slut" is for liking it. "Slut" is for wanting it. "Slut" is for going after it. Men hunt, women gather; men chase, women wait. Look it up, slut.

"Slut" is for kissing boys with tongue. "Slut" is for kissing lots of different boys with tongue. "Slut" is for craving kissing lots of different boys with tongue. That's not right, you know. It says so in the Bible, and in social hygiene films. "Slut" is for loving sex. "Slut" is for needing sex. "Slut" is for thinking sex isn't shameful. Sex is for married people, for diamond owners, for nice girls in twin sets whose mothers hid the Erica Jong, for people totally and completely, like, in total and complete love, and it takes place behind closed doors, with the lights out. Sex isn't fun. Sex isn't casual. Sex is a deadly serious, disgusting, dirty, degrading business. Just lie there. Don't move around. Don't use your fingernails or moan or anything; that's slutty. Don't get on top. Don't go down. Going down is really slutty, especially if you like it as much as he does. Ew. That's so gross. Only a slut would like that. That's so sickening. I bet you masturbate, too. Ew, I can't even think about that. That's so foul — touching yourself down there like that? That's — well, it's dirty and sticky and gross, dude! Nobody does that. Well, boys do, but that's different.

"Slut" is for sex outside a committed relationship. Sex outside a committed relationship is a cry for help. It means you have no self-respect, obviously. You're, like, a total nympho, man. I can't believe you would even do that. God. Don't talk about it. Don't think about it. Don't miss it. Don't daydream about doing it with Josh Hartnett in a waterfall. I mean — yuck. That's totally slutty. Are you, like, desperate or something? Why else would you just have sex with a guy? That's so wrong. You're so wrong. You're such a slut.

"Slut" is for fucking on the first date, giving head instead of your number, not caring if he calls, caring if he calls but fucking another guy to pass the time. You do that stuff, well, clearly you're a slut. What's even worse? You, like, enjoy it. It's so show-offy, too. Like, "look at me, I think I'm a guy," like Samantha on Sex & The City, like, get over yourself, hon. And, I mean, Samantha brings home at least one new guy every week, but she's, like, obviously so miserable and empty inside because she never settles down. Don't you want to get married? How do you ever expect to get married if you keep slutting around? You have to save yourself. I mean, no man's going to want you if you've slept with, like, a million other guys before him. You're used. You're dirty. He'll fuck you, but he'll never bring you home to his mother, because you didn't stay pure and go to bed only with guys you loved. And you can't have more experience than your husband; that's just not done. What if he gets insecure about it? You'll scare him off. You don't want that, do you?

And you've probably got diseases. I bet you don't even use protection. Remember? How you have no self-respect? And don't use condoms and birth control, because you just want guys to like you, so you just fuck them? That's so sad. I feel really sorry for you. Yeah, you say you enjoy it, but it's just a compulsion, and it's pitiful, really.

Just stay away from my man, okay? Don't even talk to him. Women have to look out for each other, because men would never look out for us, because we don't deserve their respect and fidelity. We women have to stick together. If he steps out on me with you, that's not his fuck-up. It's yours. I mean, you're the slut here. You obviously came onto him all barracuda-style and lured him into bed, so I blame you completely. So just don't even go over there to talk to him. He'd never treat me right, and if I left you two alone, something would happen.

God, I can't even look at you. You just prance around acting all carefree like you don't care what happens, like it doesn't matter, like you have the right to sleep with whomever you want or something — you make me ill! I hate you! Fuck you, slut!

If you found yourself nodding along in sincere agreement with any of what's written above, you have a serious, serious problem and need to report to your nearest therapist for a course of self-esteem rehabilitation and double-standard deprogramming. The rest of you may continue to wear your sluttishness with pride. Here endeth the lesson.

And thank you, Dr. Weston.
A review of The Ethical Slut.
You know, your mother doesn't know everything.
Please slut responsibly.

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55 Comments »

  • Kelly says:

    I think this is one of my favorite essays of all time. I come back to it whenever I need a reality-check.

  • duncan says:

    I like it a lot. It's a good essay. I know a girls that have hit on me by standing near me like that's all that's needed. I've gone home with, gone out, and introduced my mother to women that have sought me out and been aggresive. I don't feel emasculated by that behaviour.

    It does have to be said, though, that I did freak out the first time I went out with a girl who'd slept with more people that I had. And I have known girls that have taken guy after guy home in a desperate need to fill the void within them. One of them died of AIDS. So there are 'sluts' out there who's sexual patterns are a cry for help and not just enjoyment of the male half of the race. Not all people who sleep around (men included) and just free spirits. Some of them are broken inside.

    And there's a paragraph in there that seems to insinuate that it's okay to cheat on your significant other. I strongly disagree with that. I get that fantasies are cool and completely natural but actually stepping out on your girlfriend or boyfriend for a little extra that your partner doesn't know about it is, to me, reprehensible behaviour and not part of some glorious sexual freedom.

    As long as you're slutting resonsibly, I really enjoyed this essay. And I'm a guy. Some of the rules women come up about what a guy likes boggle my mind sometimes. This was a good read.

  • trouble says:

    Fucking brilliant post. Thank you. Needed to read it today.

  • nephron says:

    "And there's a paragraph in there that seems to insinuate that it's okay to cheat on your significant other."

    That paragraph isn't saying it's OK to cheat, it's saying stop laying all the blame on the woman. If your boyfriend cheats on you, take it up with him, don't act like he's some sort of innocent victim and she's the sexual predator.

  • Lindsey says:

    A longtime favorite of mine. Thanks.

  • ash says:

    That essay made me want to cry, even though I agreed with it entirely.

    Even though I totally support being sexual and open about loving men, and even though I am pretty sexual and open about loving men, I still apparently fit the "prude" archetype who narrates this piece. I haven't slept with more people than my boyfriend has, I've never had casual sex, and now I feel really horrible about myself. Again.

    Wild and carefree sexy ladies, be yourselves. Crazy leglocked Jesus fangirls, do your thing (as long as you don't hate on others, for serious).

    But what about the women in the middle? We get hated on by both camps, it seems. By the sexy thangs for being too repressed, by the Jesus freaks for being whores.

    A note to all angry man-enjoyers and man-abstainers: you are henceforth banned from my bedroom (or kitchen or bathroom stall or whatever). My vag and what I do with it is MY business.

  • Ang says:

    I've been linking to this since I first read it in 2001. It's awesome, and I thank you so much for it.

  • Chantelle says:

    Halle-freaking-lujah. Awesome essay…I totally agree with the last paragraph.

    The paragraph about the partner stepping out struck a deep chord…not because I've been personally involved in cheating, but because I see so many – too many – women in real life or in the media blaming the other woman solely for the transgression…and if they knew they were participating in cheating, then of course they share some of the blame. But wake up, ladies! As the saying goes, it takes two to freaking tango…your guy isn't innocent here…there's no way he can be, if he didn't say no, didn't stop it, didn't back away and say "I love my girlfriend/partner/wife, so please don't kiss/grope/[insert action here] me again".

    Thanks again!

  • opinionnumber2345 says:

    The whole essay strikes me as one extreme, that of saying that women should all act like sluts and be proud of it. The other side would be saying that women should be ashamed of their own bodies and sexuality.

    I take the middle road here. A woman should love her body, and lover her lover's body, and be completely proud of her ability and enjoyment of the sexual arena. That being said, I don't see how accepting that means you can't object to any person, man or woman, going out and acting like a dog. I do think love should intertwined with sex. I do think that as humans, we have souls, something unique and beautiful, and aren't supposed to succumb to every impulse our bodies offer.

    In case it isn't clear, I don't think men should act like that either. We form societies and create rules, mores and taboos in an attempt to create unity and cohesion. If the majority of people acted as you suggest is appropriate in this essay, we'd have a really fucked up society.

    I live for my family. I love them more than I could possibly explain. I don't think a person who acts as this essay encourages, will ever have what I have. This thought makes me sad. I have a lot.

  • Marc says:

    Well not everyone wants a family — at least not while they're "messing around" or whatever… While I kind of agree with you that people don't have to "act like dogs" and if they feel like they do then maybe they need help with something in their lives — but if they don't and they are happy with themselves, they shouldn't be judged if they don't hurt anyone in the process.

    And procreation is just another "impulse"… If only the scales were a bit more balanced — there are so many "unwanted" children and adoption is such a strictly regulated process in most cases, yet any woman who's fertile can be burdened with pregnancy. "Abstinence only" propaganda doesn't seem to work, as the taboos that it creates can merely lead to teenagers hiding their "guilty secrets" and rushing into things without understanding it all, like how to use contraception to minimise risks, if they want to have sex… Then again, there does seem to be a constant noise in schools about "losing it" — which is probably never going to stop — and it would be better for them to be educated about healthy relationships beforehand, or at the same time.

    "If the majority of people acted as you suggest is appropriate in this essay, we'd have a really fucked up society." — Sometimes I think that we do have a pretty fucked up society. But variety is good, as long as it's "healthy"… Granted, there are a few situations where the harm done may not be immediately apparent to those who are engaged in seemingly "consensual" extremes where there is actually an abuse of power and trust, but often someone just needs to be shown real compassion and understanding in a relationship, to develop the confidence and self esteem to decide for themselves.

    It makes me slightly sad when some people see procreation as their "main function" in life — yet surely, that is acting on the most basic impulse ever, however it may be wrapped in the guise of "raising a family"? Families are good and they serve an essential evolutionary purpose, but the idea of a traditional nuclear family is often called into question now, to say the least. Which brings this rambling to an end, as I can't type forever and I'm tired…

    Sorry for superfluous quotation marks.

  • Deirdre says:

    "The whole essay strikes me as one extreme, that of saying that women should all act like sluts and be proud of it."

    The essay is in no way saying women should act in any specific way. Read it again. It doesn't say "Go out and sleep with as many people as you can find." It doesn't say "Don't fall in love." It doesn't say "Never commit to one person and foreswear having sex with anyone else."

    It says don't judge the people who do make those choices. Don't automatically assume there's something wrong with them, that they hate themselves or hate other people – that they're fucking for revenge or because there's some kind of hole in their souls. And above all, don't call them sluts.

    Great essay, Sarah; one of my favourites. I keep thinking there's a need for an update of some kind to deal with the now-common phrases like "man-whore" and "himbo" – because of course, "whore"-ish behaviour is strictly female unless otherwise specified. Grr.

  • Karen says:

    Needed to read this today, and feel like my body is mine. Thank you.

  • Imogen says:

    "If the majority of people acted as you suggest is appropriate in this essay, we'd have a really fucked up society."
    Gah, I totally disagree. That comment makes me think that you are mired in the view that being very sexual, or sexual with many people, has a relationship to one's moral character. Which it doesn't. What relates to moral character is *how* you do anything, be that sex or any other interaction with others.
    I act exactly as this essay says. (Although I would not sleep with someone who was in a monogamous relationship, as that is clearly wrong, IMO, since it hurts another person. Then again, this essay isn't advocating that behaviour – it's making the point that someone else explained above). But yeah, I act like this. I don't practice monogamy. I have had probably around 30 sexual partners and I just turned 25. I totally identify with this piece and I love it. I also work, study, love my friends and family, volunteer tutoring a little kid from Vietnam, donate a fair whack of money to charity, and just generally make an effort to be nice and decent to people I meet. So really, no. Downfall of society I am not, and nor are other so-called 'sluts' (male or female). It's not about the sex, it's about the decent person thing… Separate. Not related. Such a simple concept. Damn.

  • Mac says:

    Thank you. This is the first time I've read this and it's amazing.

  • Elsewhere says:

    This is amazing. Thank you!

  • Gypsy says:

    I love this piece. Although I don't identify with all of the piece, I definitely identify with most of it, and it feels absolutely wonderful to read this. This is a very empowering piece, especially in consideration of how judgmental and hurtful. some people can really be.

    Oh, and thank you, Imogen. I completely agree, and I couldn't have worded it better myself.

  • Meg says:

    @opinion#,

    I disagree. I didn't read the OP as saying women should be sluts. And I don't agree that the 3 viewpoints you bring up are very different at all, because all are about controlling what women "should" do. You are too caught up in "should". The essay I read isn't about making new "shoulds", but about the utter ridiculousness of those "shoulds", which I think is spot-on. Misogyny is not the opposite of misogyny, and misogyny is not the acceptable middle ground between the two.

    If, for you, sex is about a strong emotional connection between two people, that's fine. It is for me, too. I don't see the point in casual sex, and I'm still a "virgin" (in the archaic, penis-centric sense of the word, at least; I'm certainly not missing out in the single-player orgasms arena). But I don't go around riding my high horse because I'm a purity-pure virgin and those skankity-hos are ruining society. Frankly, I have more in common with those women than I do with you. Both the "sluts" and I are in tune with what works for us, and go with it, despite pressures from society to behave otherwise — a woman who has too much het sex is an STD-riddled whore*, but a woman who has too little het sex is a frigid man-hating lesbian*. We refuse to walk society's little balance beam of "acceptable" female sexual behavior. (I've also never met a "slut" who thought it was appropriate to stick her nose in my sex life and tell me what's right and wrong with my personal choices. I'm guessing that is probably not a coincidence.)

    * I don't believe there's anything wrong with being one, but it's a pretty stupid assumption to make based only on the amount of penis that enters one's vagina.

  • paul says:

    I think that women who get all self-righteous about this sort of stuff are often missing the point. I completely agree that nobody deserves to be called a slut, but its like youre labelling someones attitude as wrong just like theyre labelling yours as wrong. neither is wrong or right theyre just different. some women dont like promiscious women because they feel that by directly appealing to a guys balls youre 'cheating' in some way, and ruining their chances of building up relationships with men. men like to sleep with promiscious women but dont expect them not to mind if you have a busy sexual history. if you dont treat your body like a very special thing only to be used by a select few then he will put you into the temporary fun category. deep down, beneath the manly charade that society expects of them, men are romantics too. as long as you take out the derogatory language theres nothing wrong with these attitudes

  • Brittany says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Just found this – I'm glad I did.

  • Eureka says:

    I like the theme of the essay, which I infer it to be an individual inspite of the norm. However, I don't think a woman has to behave promiscuously to feel free. If she wants to sleep with tons of men, that's her choice, but she doesn't have to to feel empowered is just as big a concept to grasp. I am definitely a proponent of sexual empowerment. Positively enjoy your body, pleasing your sex partner, and eye candy. Yet, sexual promiscuity by anyone should be avoided because it usually means that the person has some type of psychosis.

  • Theresa says:

    Awesome. I used the majority in a letter for a woman that knowingly slept with my fiance. I needless to say, am no longer engaged and no longer friends with her.

  • maura says:

    Still one of my favorites, Sars. I'd love to think some don't get it because they aren't getting all those fucked-up messages that ultimately say – explicitly or not – that in the context of gender equality, women aren't as enfranchised as men in the sexual arena. But they are, still.

  • Jessica says:

    Well, Paul, your terminology just about says it all:

    "…treat your body like a very special thing only to be USED by a select few" ?!?!?!?!?!?!

    First of all, having multiple sex partners doesn't necessarily mean one doesn't think of one's body as special (and you seem to utterly disregard the double standard…you mention nothing about how women should feel about men who don't treat their bodies as "very special things"). More importantly though, I don't want my body "used" by anybody, ever, male or female, special boyfriend or casual playmate. Your phrasing highlights the very objectification and commodification of the female body in society that is so problematic and so competently rejected in this essay. Why must we perpetuate this notion of female bodies as "things," special or otherwise? Why must my body be a "thing" to "be used" instead of being understood and celebrated as an integral part of who I am as a human being? With a soul and a personality and a capacity for connection and depth rather than just…usefulness/utility in bed?

    And don't even get me started on the whole bullshit about women bearing the sole or primary burden for relationship building…if functional adult men want to have long-term monogamous relationships, they are perfectly capable of reserving their attentions for women with similar goals and MAKING AUTONOMOUS CHOICES about who they do or do not sleep with. Romantic or not, men are not oblivious victims of promiscuity and are not excused by virtue of having balls from taking responsibility for their sexual choices any more than women are. It blows my mind that this still needs reiteration.

    There's nothing wrong with being of the mindset that meaningful relationships are more constructive/healthy/enduring/etc. than casual sex, but that's not the attitude this essay attacks. At its core, this piece makes a simple case for treating people (in particular, women with sex lives) with dignity. You're right that men (and women, if I may be so bold) are perfectly free to filter partners based on their sexual history as they see fit, but your assumption that women are under social contract to save their girl parts only for special and infrequent occasions like we're fine-bone wedding china is neither dignified nor enlightened.

  • mary says:

    I think Theresa totally missed the point. hahaha

    i love this essay

  • KK says:

    I agree, Theresa, you may want to give this a re-read. Thanks for writing this, however long ago.

  • Amy says:

    I first read this article when I was 16. Now at age twenty I still find it inspiring. I even had it taped on my wall when I was in high school. I re-read it often and have never commented so I wanted to say thank you for this bit of gold.

  • Sammy says:

    I don't mind if girls want to be a 'Slut', just don't expect a relationship from anyone other than your male counterparts.

    Enjoy, I'll stick with the good girls.

  • Warmerdam says:

    I must say that i agree with a large part of what is written here, except this:" "Slut" is for fucking on the first date, giving head instead of your number, not caring if he calls, caring if he calls but fucking another guy to pass the time."

    I think neither gender should do this. All the other things i'm more or less okay with for either gender (some I wouldn't do myself though…)

  • Francesca says:

    Uh when was this written?! Cool slut is the enforced norm for women nowadays.

    The only form of rebellion left for women today is to be conservative and modest. Pull your head out of your priviliged graduate school pretentious @$$.

    Talk about straw men er. straw sluts.

  • [...] And how I love it and want to hug it and marry it? Well, I would, but the problem is, I am just a slut. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)random thoughts about kateyWords Can’t [...]

  • booasaur says:

    I remember reading this when I was an extremely shy, impressionable, prudish, religious college kid, in what, 2002? 2001? It's still one of the best pieces I've ever read and shaped a lot about how I think of sex.
    I feel I should state that I am a virgin but I like the freedom and mental strength and choice reading this gave to me. To ME.

  • Krelo says:

    Being a slut is not a crime, but being a skank should be.

    The way I've always looked at it, you can be a slut with only a single person, if that's what you want. You can be a slut with more than one person, if you should choose. But the way I've come to think about it, ever since reading this essay for the first time, is thus: A slut is someone who enjoys sex, but is still responsible about it. A skank is a slut . . . but without the responsibility part. I love my husband, and I'm a total slut with him. I have kids . . . and that doesn't stop me from being a total slut with my husband. I like screwing him in random places, I like showing off for him, I like that the rest of the world knows just how much I love doing things like that with him. If they think that's trashy . . . that's their call. I'm my own way, they can be theirs.

    Skanks are the ones that spread diseases. Skanks are the ones that don't care who they hurt in the process of having their fun. Skanks are the antithesis of what sluts are, and the ones that give sluts a bad name. Take pride in your sluttiness. Because, remember . . . you can be a total slut, even for just yourself. To do that, all you have to do is be who you are, and enjoy it ;)

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    @Krelo: The slut/skank differential is a matter of intent — a quality issue. The slut label seems to pertain to quantity, which, as long as above-board intent is used, shouldn't be an issue at all.

  • [...] done a lot of linking to Sars in the past few days, but please, go read this. Again. Or, to quote myself over here, "Stop policing women's bodies, and start [...]

  • Tara says:

    Saw this article today: http://www.thestar.com/news/article/968466–sluts-march-against-sexual-assault-stereotypes#article

    "Sluts" March Against Sexual Assault Stereotypes is the name of the article.

    I hope you don't mind, but I submitted a comment with a link to this essay, saying that you wrote it and your website. I don't know if the moderator will approve it or not.

    It's sad that 10 years after you wrote this fantastic essay that it's still an issue.

  • @Tara – Participated in the walk you mentioned above! It is sad that female sexuality is still so feared, but the walk was a great stride forward. Lots of ladies, dudes and even families with kids attended. Education has got to start somewhere.

  • gela gela says:

    HOT HOT DAMN LOVEEEEEED THIS GREAT POST. Thanks I think I will wear my sluttiness with pride cause am worth it LOL..

  • [...] too. That said… I'm a lit major. I believe in the power of words, and I think that there's a lot of words that need to be reclaimed. (Oh, Sars, I adore thee.) Thus, with the pervert. I'll cheerfully admit that the term [...]

  • Love love and more love… can you do one on Bitch now?

  • AitchCS says:

    Thank you for this. I am reading it in the wake of this Kristen Stewart "scandal" and I am waiting for someone to comment on how many 1000s of comments around the web say "Slut" and "Whore."

  • Elle J. Slutzky says:

    I am THE Slut – you have named me. Thank you for a lifetime of validation.

  • leanne says:

    In my late teens and twenties I would have nodded my head to this article; however in my thrities, I laugh at this article and wish I was more sexually free in my late teens and twenties. Oh how I wish I was a 'slut' then.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Hey, newcomers — welcome! Feel free to comment and/or disagree, but please do so respectfully. Stirred shit is no go. Thanks!

  • Sofiya says:

    This is such a well written article, and couldn't agree with you more. Slut is an ugly word, and is used against women who enjoy sex. I see no issue with women using men, since men do it all the time, however this line:

    ""Slut" is for sex outside a committed relationship. Sex outside a committed relationship is a cry for help."

    I was a bit confused. This is more about adultery than slutty behaviour, which I think is wrong for both men and women. If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would be mad at him, not her, because he is the one who betrayed me. Although if the woman was a friend or relative of mine, the rage would be directed at her too, because that is a betrayal of a relationship as well.

    And also

    "And you've probably got diseases. I bet you don't even use protection. Remember? How you have no self-respect? And don't use condoms and birth control, because you just want guys to like you, so you just fuck them?"

    I don't think slutty behaviour should somehow equal not practicing safe sex. Not doing so means you do not only risk harming yourself, but you risk harming others as well.

  • Alexie says:

    Sarah thankyou!!! I just read this as was just reposted on twitter. I'm 34, was in a 10 year relationship when i was younger. Thought he was 'the one'. Well, he wasn't. He cheated on me.
    I don't blame her, she wasn't the one in a relationship, he was.

    For the 8 years since I have been coming to grips with sexual freedom. What is OK? What is bad? Is it bad? Only in the last year have I decided – you know what, I don't care. I don't self hate everytime I meet, kiss, hook up with someone.

    I still get comments and worried advice from friends for acting only the same as my male counterparts that nobody thinks to judge. Oh yes, the one nighter…so judged. As a good girl I should really go through three to five sterile dates with a guy before enjoying sex with them. How does this logic still apply??!!

    Anyway Sarah, thanks for this. I love it. Please write more!

  • Anni says:

    @leanne: It's never too late to live your sexuality

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    @Sofiya, I agree — that was the point. Having a lot of sex shouldn't imply either STDs or emotional carelessness. It's just having a lot of sex; it should be value-neutral. But people who use the term "slut" tend to collapse all those issues together into one nasty sexist term.

  • Luis Gomez says:

    This is not feminism… The problem isn't that women who sleep around are portrayed as 'sluts' – the problem is allowing men to have more liberty in the matter. I don't advocate for either gender to go around fucking without any dignity for themselves. It pisses me off to see men sleeping around just as much as it upsets me to see women trying to replicate men's behavior.

    My advice for men… Do not spread your feminist agenda by trying to 'emulate' men. Try to do better than us. Succeed on an ethical foundation instead of perpetuating what is wrong with men.

  • Luis Gomez says:

    My advice for women*

  • [...] Really like the writing … and the message. • Love this idea. • Cute knobs. • Rules for stories, told in LEGO. [...]

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