N Cereal AA Round of 32, Flights 3 and 4: Fiberfest and Sugar Shock
1 Quaker Oat(meal) Squares vs. 8 oatmeal. I can't say I'm particularly surprised that traditional oatmeal triumphed over Puffed Rice, the John Tesh of breakfast cereals. But it's got a tougher contest in this round, because Quaker Oat Squares are fucking GREAT. Yeah, I'm going to just go ahead and curse in a write-up about breakfast foods: THAT IS HOW GOOD THEY ARE, PEOPLE. But too few people know the glories of these hard little oat pillows, so oatmeal will probably win, "deserving" having nothing to do with it.
5 Yogurt Burst Cheerios vs. 13 Chex. This is another matchup where I think nostalgia will trump actual quality. The Yogurt Burst Cheerio hasn't had the advantage of years in the marketplace to capture all the hearts and minds it should, for its appealing combination of traditional oaty Os and weirdly sweet/creamy freak Os. Chex have nothing to recommend them except your memories of mixing them with pretzels at your seventh-grade birthday party, and yet I think that's why you will carry them to victory.
6 Honey Nut Cheerios vs. 3 Cracklin' Oat Bran. If you had asked me about this matchup two weeks ago, I would have called this for Honey Nut Cheerios in a runaway spree. But then I read in the comments that some of you have detected a switch to an inferior sweetener of late (I guess my palate is not as refined, or else I shovel the cereal in too quickly to taste it. It could be both). So maybe allegiances will switch to the crunchy delights of COB? I think maybe so.
7 Cinnamon Life vs. 2 Quaker Os. If we were talking about the classic blue box version of the Quaker Os, this would be no contest at all. My sister and I still talk about our love of the blue-box Os, and they've been off the market for fifteen years at least. But while I don't particularly like or approve of the cinnamon mutation of Life, I think it's going to take this one.
1 Cap'n Crunch/Crunch Berries vs. 9 Sugar/Golden Crisp. Really? Crunch Uber Alles. Crisp is so pitifully out of its league here.
5 Cinnamon Toast Crunch vs. 4 Apple Jacks. Ooh, clash of the cinnamons. This is tricky. Apple Jacks are my sentimental favourite — some of the loveliest moments of my early courtship with my (now) husband revolved around our travelling to Niagara Falls, NY so he could buy me Apple Jacks, which were no longer available in Canada (and still aren't). But let's face it: my personal history aside, Apple Jacks are freak Froot Loops, and their apple flavouring is barely discernible. Cinnamon Toast Crunch — but it'll be close.
6 Corn Pops vs. 3 Alpha-Bits. I made the point in my last raft of write-ups that Canadian Mini-Wheats are superior to their Yankee counterparts, and here we are again. American Corn Pops have this slimy kind of glaze on them, and are weird, irregular shapes, like cheese curds. You all probably don't like them much for this reason, and I don't blame you. (Canadian Corn Pops are shaped like Kix, only sweet, and therefore delicious.) But then I also like Alpha-Bits — one of the few sugar cereals I was allowed to eat as a kid with any regularity — so I can't begrudge them their certain win here.
7 Honeycomb vs. 2 Froot Loops. Honeycomb and Alpha-Bits are the same cereal. Other than the shape: identical. So where you fall on this one pretty much depends on how you feel about artificial fruit flavouring. I'm going to call this one for Froot Loops, although the possibility of a Honeycomb/Alpha-Bits face-off might be kind of interesting in a "universe folding in on itself" way.
Tags: food John Tesh N Cereal AA