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Home » Culture and Criticism

N Cereal AA: The Elite Eight

Submitted by on July 11, 2009 – 8:07 AM11 Comments

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fflakes1 Rice Krispies vs. 2 Frosted Flakes. Wowie. Now this is a contest! I have to hand it to you fiber-loving TN voters: truly, these are the two entries that deserve to be facing off as the last two Classics standing. Frosted Flakes have a lot going for them, granted: the basic (solid) corn flake, Tony the Tiger, and sugar that melts off so pleasingly in milk. But Rice Krispies…y'all. They truly do offer something for every taste, in that they kind of have no taste. They're like the tofu of breakfast cereal! With apologies to Tony: they're also grrrrreat! And they will win.

1 Honey Bunches of Oats vs. 2 Raisin Bran. Okay, seriously, how have I gotten this far along in life and never tasted a Honey Bunch of Oat? You guys are making an extremely powerful case for me to add them to my cereal-cabinet roster. It's obvious the HBoO has a very vocal cheering section, and if Raisin Bran had been knocked out in an earlier round, maybe it would have a chance to go to the finals here. But I think the simple purity of Raisin and Bran will strike down the upstart.

Tara Ariano

8 oatmeal vs. 6 Honey Nut Cheerios. We didn't expect oatmeal to get this far, honestly — we kind of threw it into this draw to fill it out, and yet here it is, fighting for the Fiberfest crown.Having come this far, can it beat the last Cheerio standing?It seems unlikely — it got into this round with only 52% of the vote, not exactly a mandate, while HNC posted a healthier 67% of the vote last time — but we could see a bloc of oatmeal-cookie lovers carry it to victory.I don't think so, though.Honey Nut Cheerios as your Fiberfest champ.

5 Cinnamon Toast Crunch vs. 2 Froot Loops. …I know, right?I thought we'd see the Cap'n in the semifinals, but after a previous-round upset in the Sugar Shock draw, it comes down to this: starchy sweet against fruity sweet.Both of these cereals present as rather stale, no matter how fresh the box, but CTC is slightly worse in that regard.On the other hand, if I could only eat one for the rest of my life, I'd probably vote cinnamon over fruit.…Excuse me: "froot."All that said, I predict a win for the Loops, which is a comforting old-school favorite.

– Sarah D. Bunting

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11 Comments »

  • F. McGee says:

    I have to confess: I've voted in every round, but I haven't had any of these cereals in awhile, since I was diagnosed with celiac disease, and every single one of these has gluten in some form. I tried my best to keep Chex in, because all but two of its flavors are gluten-free, but now I'm working solely on memory.

    Tara: definitely try Honey Bunches of Oats if you like the idea of a corn flake. Lots of flavors to choose from, too. I think the cinnamon was my favorite. My partner is partial to the honey almond.

  • Mike says:

    Tony! Tony! Tony!

  • Jeanne says:

    Death to oatmeal!

    That is all.

  • DuchessKitty says:

    C'mon HBoO!!!!!!! I need Raisin Bran to lose this round. That said, I am actually pleasantly surprised by quite a few of these semi-finalists. I still have a couple faves here which I didn't expect.

  • Grainger says:

    Wow. Oatmeal's gettin' schlamieled!

  • Tisha_ says:

    Fuck you, oatmeal! Go away forever!!!

  • Judi says:

    Oatmeal rules! I'm here to cheer it on! I don't want to see the colons of people using HNC for fiber! Well to be fair, I guess I don't want to see colons, in general.

    Of all the cereals left, CTC is my favorite! And I'm pulling for Rice Krispies, but just alerted my boyfriend who is obsessed with Frosted Flakes, to come down and cancel my vote.

  • anon says:

    @Tara Ariano:

    I seem to remember some sort of pro-oatmeal comment from your TWoP days; something along the lines of "boo! oatmeal rules! it's a vehicle for brown sugar!" Whither the change of heart?

  • Peter L. says:

    I will back up Judi here, both in support of oatmeal, one of the greatest things to happen to breakfast ever (surpassed only, perhaps, by dim sum) and also in a general disinclination to look at colons. So, Go Oatmeal!

  • Kristen says:

    @Judi

    Oatmeal's colon cleansing ability is pretty much all it's got going for it, as far as I'm concerned! Honey Nut Cheerios beat it out of the park on taste, texture, and convenience. Oatmeal only has about 2 grams more per serving than Cheerios. I can eat a banana with my breakfast, and more than make up the difference.

  • Sandman says:

    Perhaps Tara's feelings for oatmeal have gone as cold and congealed as their object?

    @ Judi: look away, look away: Ge:ne:ral. Heh.

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