"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Home » Culture and Criticism

N Cracker AA Round 1 Flight 3: Vote!

Submitted by on October 21, 2013 – 10:00 AM19 Comments


Okay, whoa. Graham crackers, Triscuits original, AND Wheat Thins original in this round?

All other crackers better ju– HOLY MOLY RITZ ORIGINAL TOO?! Oh, forget it, everyone. I'm calling this round for Triscuits, Wheat Thins, and Ritz, because as much as I loved spreading butter on plain graham crackers as a kid, I don't think they have a chance now.

First off, Wheat Thins. So, while I know they are adored by many, Wheat Thins do very little for me personally. I don't hate them and I get their appeal, but they just don't figure largely in my life. They're tasty. That's about it.

Triscuits are my go-to crackers. We always have at least three boxes of them or their Whole Foods brand equivalent (which doesn't make us fancy, it just means we're sometimes too lazy or enchildrened to go to multiple stores) stocked in our cupboards. Triscuits + cheddar cheese + 45 seconds in the microwave = my ultimate late-night snack. I might throw a little minced scallions on top if I'm in a gourmet frame of mind, but it's just gilding the cracker at that point. Triscuits are as essential to my eating life as breathing is to my life life.

Oh but Ritz — RITZ! Ritz are something special. They're so buttery-flakey-indulgent, they're the croissant of crackers. With Triscuits, I can toss a few on a plate and be sated, but with Ritz I'm in danger of eating multiple sleeves. Ritz are one of the few kinds of crackers that need no additional adornment. Sure, you can spread them with cream cheese, peanut butter, or a piping hot, paprika-topped artichoke dip, but it's wholly unnecessary. Ritz can just be.

Triscuits are my table wine; Ritz, my champagne. — Keckler


Brutal. This flight is brutal. And since it contains original Triscuits, original Ritz, and original Wheat Thins, there isn't really much to say, because I suspect a lot of voters will consider graham crackers a cookie or a limb of s'mores.

I will give a vote to Wheat Thins, but also one to Ka-Me's wasabi crackers, which pair so well with a cucumber slice; and one to Nip Chee, a snack that has the air of failed astronaut food and should really be used as a tool for post-flood clean-up, so effective is it at emptying the entire head of moisture…and yet I adore it. — Sarah D. Bunting

N Cracker AA 1st Round, Flight 3: vote for your THREE (3) favorite crackers!

  • Ritz original (72%, 390 Votes)
  • Triscuits original (65%, 351 Votes)
  • Wheat Thins original (59%, 318 Votes)
  • graham crackers (46%, 249 Votes)
  • Better Cheddars (11%, 62 Votes)
  • Pita Crisps (11%, 60 Votes)
  • Trader Joe's pita bites (7%, 37 Votes)
  • Pepperidge Farm Harvest Wheat (4%, 24 Votes)
  • Rykrisp Sesame Rye (4%, 19 Votes)
  • Nut Thins cheddar (3%, 18 Votes)
  • Kashi 7-grain (3%, 14 Votes)
  • Nip Chee (2%, 11 Votes)
  • Stauffer's whales (2%, 10 Votes)
  • Back To Nature crispy wheat (1%, 6 Votes)
  • Ka-Me wasabi rice (1%, 6 Votes)
  • Food Should Be Good sea salt/brown rice (1%, 5 Votes)
  • Kashi honey sesame (1%, 5 Votes)
  • Ka-Me original (1%, 3 Votes)
  • Back To Nature sunflower basil (0%, 2 Votes)
  • Grains First (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 542

Loading ... Loading ...
Be Sociable, Share!



  • Dayna says:

    Anybody else read Back To Nature creepy wheat? Just me? Okay, then.

  • Maria says:

    The mention of any flavor of Rykrisp gives me 70s mouth-roof injury PTSD flashbacks. If it at least tasted like something, but no. It was petrified cardboard. Triscuits at least gave you salty deliciousness for your sliced gums.

  • Jen S. 2.0 says:

    Is this just me? Ritz: Meh. Town House: **angels singing!** Ritz has a weird aftertaste that Town House does not have.

  • Jinxie says:

    They haven't got a chance, but I had to put in a vote for the TJ's pita crisp cracker. They're surprisingly satisfying on their own, but somehow also neutral enough to pair well with almost any cheese.

  • Lindsay says:

    I voted for Better Cheddars like Democrats vote for Ralph Nader – never going to win, but important anyway.

  • RC says:

    I put in a hopeless vote for the sunflower basil thinger because it sounds particularly delicious today, and I have never been a fan of Wheat Thins or Ritz (Triscuits however, yes please).

  • Sandman says:

    I always thought that the "buttery flavour" that was supposedly a selling point for Ritz was mostly an odd chemical aftertaste, but damn if I don't feel like buying a box on the way home and trying them again.

    I find most flavoured crackers (cheese, butter, even herb sometimes) artificial-tasting anyway, and kind of unnerving. But artificial bacon flavouring is the worst — doesn't Nabisco have Bacon Dippers, or some such thing? Blerf.

  • cayenne says:

    Somehow this does not surprise me. All the really good but weird-flavoured ones get clobbered and the banal gets through. As long as matzoh doesn't win the whole shebang, I'm good.

    And I am pleased to see the word "blerf" still alive and well in the Nation :)

  • Erin in SLC says:

    @Jen S. 2.0:

    Is this just me? Ritz: Meh. Town House: **angels singing!** Ritz has a weird aftertaste that Town House does not have.

    Not just you. Ritz has this odd waxy dullness to it; aftertaste is definitely a thing, but also DURING-taste. Town House seems happy to be eaten, you know? Ritz SAYS it's happy but there's a passive-aggression about it. Ritz kind of guilt trips you.

  • Erin in SLC says:

    ALSO, @Lindsey:

    I voted for Better Cheddars like Democrats vote for Ralph Nader – never going to win, but important anyway.

    And I abandoned them for the same reason Democrats started to abandon Nader: something has changed and they're slowly losing their cheesy cracker minds! I loved them as a kid, and I bought them again a year or two ago and they were all burnt-y tasting and weird. I admitted to myself that, like the Democratic party, the risk-averse flagship Sunshine Cheez-It was truly the best approximation of my values. An idealistic little part of me died that day.

  • scout1222 says:

    There is a cracker called Nip Chee? That sounds so horribly named….

    I had to throw a vote to Better Cheddars because I remember eating the heck out of those as a child. We didn't have crackers in the house often (and when we did they were Triscuits and Wheat Thins so those were my other two votes) but we went on a Better Cheddar spree for a bit, probably right after those came out. I haven't thought of them in years!

  • scout1222 says:

    And I am now sad because I explained my Better Cheddar vote before reading comments, and failed to include a political stance to back up my vote.

  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    My husband adores Town House and will give you a terrible look should you suggest Ritz instead. Dine in at your Town House instead of going to the Ritz.

  • Take 2 Ritz, peanut butter sandwich 'em (can 'sandwich' become a verb?), then dip in melted chocolate. . .holiday cookie tray heaven!

  • Sandman says:

    The interwebs whisper to me that Nabisco no longer makes Bacon Thins, but Christie's (owned by Nabisco Brands parent company) continues to produce Bacon Dippers in Canada. Oh, the shame of it! (Does that count as a political stance for this thread?)

  • rab01 says:

    Oh my god. Sister Surprise, that's brilliant.

  • Halo says:

    OMG,totally Team Town House over here. Ritz are grody and leave a film in your mouth. I'm waiting for Wasa, the stuff on which I was raised, though.

  • DriverB says:

    I *also* loved the Better Cheddars as a kid, and had completely forgotten about them. I'm sad to hear they may no longer be worthy…but I'mma have to test that out myself. Off to the store!

  • Jen H says:

    Graham crackers = s'mores. What's not to love???

Leave a comment!

Please familiarize yourself with the Tomato Nation commenting policy before posting.
It is in the FAQ. Thanks, friend.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>