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Home » Culture and Criticism

N Cracker AA Round 1 Flight 4: Vote!

Submitted by on October 25, 2013 – 9:32 AM15 Comments


The fourth flight distinguishes itself with me primarily via all the crackers in it that I hate.

Goldfish pretzel: nope! Bremner wafers, a.k.a. "puffy shirt cardboard for grandpas": nope! Rye Triscuits: nope!

Original Cheez-Its, original Club, and pretzel Goldfish should sail through, but I'll only vote for that first one, plus provolone Cheez-Its — sight untasted; I never heard of them before, but I love them already, and must track some down and write them off as a business expense while stuffing my face — and Breton crackers. Bretons have a sweet wheatiness to them, and split in half, 1) they hold a cut of Camembert perfectly and 2) don't create too many crumbs. — Sarah D. Bunting


There's no way original Cheez-Its and Club Crackers don't easily take this round, but it's harder to predict what the third will be. Goldfish pretzel? Unnecessarily over-flavored Triscuits? Perhaps.

For my personal part in all this, I'm probably pulling for poppadum (because: cat without peer and dreams of raita-chutney-curry sauce deliciousness), Vinta — for no reason other than they sound like an Italian supermodel who routinely shaves half her head and wears leather underwear — and Bremner wafers. Why Bremner wafers? Because they are the most excessively bland flavorless cracker ever conceived outside of the Holy Sacrament until you use them to scoop up microwave-melted brie in which case there is nothing better. — Stephanie V.W Lucianovic

N Cracker AA 1st Round, Flight 4: vote for your THREE (3) favorite crackers!

  • Cheez-Its original (73%, 353 Votes)
  • Club Crackers original (60%, 293 Votes)
  • Breton (24%, 117 Votes)
  • Triscuits cracked black pepper (23%, 114 Votes)
  • Goldfish pretzel (18%, 86 Votes)
  • poppadum (16%, 78 Votes)
  • Waverly (10%, 49 Votes)
  • Toasted's buttercrisp (9%, 44 Votes)
  • Cheez-Its provolone (9%, 43 Votes)
  • melba toast sesame (7%, 33 Votes)
  • Triscuits dill (7%, 32 Votes)
  • Triscuits tomato basil (6%, 30 Votes)
  • Triscuits fire-roasted tomato and olive oil (6%, 28 Votes)
  • Triscuits rye (6%, 27 Votes)
  • Vinta (3%, 13 Votes)
  • Christie Swiss Cheese (3%, 13 Votes)
  • Mary's Organic (2%, 9 Votes)
  • SuperSlim Rice Crisps black sesame (1%, 6 Votes)
  • Town House Mediterranean Herb Pita (1%, 5 Votes)
  • Bremner Wafers (1%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 486

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  • Margot says:

    I buy Cheez-Its in staggering quantities and people assume I am buying them for my kids. Full disclosure: my kids have never tasted a Cheez-It because I hide them in Mommy's special snack cabinet. Heh.

  • Jinxie says:

    Sorry, Goldfish Pretzel, but you don't have a chance nor should you even BE in this contest! I love Goldfish and I love pretzels but the two do not belong together and a pretzel is not a cracker, it just isn't.

  • Kristin says:

    Jinxie, with all due respect, them's fightin' words. Goldfish Pretzel aren't a pretzel, and they aren't a cracker either. They're an early example of fusion cuisine that will one day be commemorated in a national museum.


    Actually, they're just awesome for an upset stomach, but they're my go-to airplane snack and I must show them the props they've earned as such.

  • Claire says:

    I'm actually eating the tomato basil triscuits right now, and they are the greatest.

  • Maria says:

    I used to have a major Cheez-It problem. Had to cut them out of my life entirely because of the part of my brain that decided a box is a single-serving container.

    Mary's Organic are actually quite good. Not binge-worthy, but yummy. I've only seen them at Costco.

  • sue says:

    Personally i cannot STAND triscuits. I lump them in the same category as shredded wheat, why would anyone want to eat a brillo pad? I know that many people adore them, but they are really bleah for me.

    I was sad to see that Parmesan goldfish got taken down early, so it is possible i am just bitter.

  • Erin in SLC says:

    I really am the only one who loves the weirdo Fire-Roasted Tomato and Olive Oil Triscuits, aren't I? I have eaten a box of them over the course of the last three days. They are bizarrely perfect with pepper jack cheese — cold.

    Vinta/Breton/Club Original would have tied for third, but Vinta gets extra points for weird diverticulum-clogging seeds. Then again, Club was the first food I shared with the man who would be my husband. If it came down to Club versus Town House, I really don't know how I would break.

  • bristlesage says:

    Aw, I love the rye Triscuits. Rye Triscuit + horseradish cheese spread = joy.

  • anotherkate says:

    I tried the provolone Cheez-Its and didn't like them – too heavy on the liquid smoke flavor.

  • cayenne says:

    Rye triscuits + 5-year-old cheddar + hot pepper jelly…mmmmm. You can keep your s'mores. I'll take these.

  • Georgia says:

    @ Sue: Thank you! The texture of Triscuits is just awful, and the unremarkable flavor does nothing to redeem them. Yes–salty Shredded Wheat. Ugh.

  • JB says:

    I am amongst my Cheez-It loving people. I, too, have the same rationalization process of buying the Cheez-Its thinking I'm making a smarter choice than buying the novelty Pringles du jour, and then I wolf down most of the box on the drive home. The provolone ones, though, taste sort of like a box of Cheez-Its mixed with campfire ashes. Two things I love combined together into something oddly disappointing.

    And the dill Triscuits + sliced havarti = love.

  • Pat says:

    Rye Triscuits are the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Swiss, sauerkraut, and a pop in the microwave = yum! Corned beef optional.

  • Heather C. says:

    This one's a toughie, since I hate both Triscuits and Cheez-Its. And my husband and six-year-old son join me in the hate of the latter. We sometimes get at CostCo those big boxes of 100 calorie snack-packs of cookies and Cheez-Its. The almost-four-year-old is the only one who eats the Cheez-Its, so I hoarde them for him. It's nice to have a snack for the kids that they don't fight over.

  • scout1222 says:

    I have to laugh, because I am eating shredded wheat RIGHT NOW. (With other things that have flavor, to be sure….)

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