The N Cookie AA: Round 1, Flight 6
As torn up as I have been by so many of the others, I really don't have a dog in this flight. Well, except for McVitties Plain Chocolate Digestives, which I do love.
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Of course, Walker's are awfully nice, too, and they always remind me of the time Dr. Mathra and I walked into a woolen-goods gift shop in Scotland and were offered whisky at 9 o'clock in the morning by a little old lady in a lace blouse and plaid skirt. "Have a little nip," she said, "to take the chill off." It was a cold foggy morning. After that little sample shot of Highland whisky, we landed on a tray of shortbread samples and then went back for another sample shot. The Scottish are good good people.
Oh, but this is where I finally get to express my unpopular opinion that soft-baked/soft-batch/half-baked cookies are incredibly gross and wrong. I like my cookies fully-baked, crisp, and hard (yes, yes: "That's what she said!"). Getting soft-baked to remain soft-baked at shelf-stable temperatures weirds me out and ultimately puts me in mind of something permanently residing in an embryonic or larval state of arrested development. Essentially, soft-baked cookies are that writhing, red, Voldemort-y thing sliming around at the base of the chair in King's Cross Heaven.
I've never had them, but Magic Middles/Mini Middles remind me unpleasantly of that gum that oozed when you bit into it; Tidal Wave was one brand and Freshen Up was the other.
Predictions: clearly Thin Mints are taking this one, and I have a feeling that one or both soft-batch/soft-baked entrants might also go forward. I honestly don't know how to call the rest — maybe Golden Oreos? Maybe Walker's? — Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic
No surprises in our final first-round flight, I don't imagine: Thin Mints, Golden Oreos, Nutters, and Chessmen should proceed to the next round without incident, joined most likely by Keebler Soft Batches or perhaps Walker's.
As usual, though, my grandparently taste in sweets means my vote diverges from what I see as our winners. Thin Mints, sure — but after that, it's all about Archway's lovely, cakey Dutch Cocoas; the Stella D'Oro Margherites, which go stale seconds after you crack the package but go perfectly with afternoon coffee; the Bloob Noots, which should be vile but are actually the most "realistic" product in the Newton line in this commentator's opinion; and old reliable Nutter Butters.
A part of me hopes that my fellow olds from the tri-state area rally around the Breakfast Treats strictly for reasons of ad nostalgia — and that classic slurry Noo Yawk enunciation that turned the cookies into "breckfustreetssh." Love it. The treats themselves are almost inedible sans a hot dunking wingman but everyone else who remembers "George, don't talk. Eat." as a window into a certain regional '70s marriage might vote for them anyway.
Or for Chessmen, which my brother and I once tried to play actual chess with using, like, five bags. I wouldn't get mad at that. — Sarah D. Bunting
Vote for your FIVE (5) favorite cookies!
- Girl Scout Thin Mints (18%, 415 Votes)
- Nutter Butters (13%, 298 Votes)
- Walker's Shortbread (11%, 263 Votes)
- Chocolate-covered graham crackers (9%, 220 Votes)
- Keebler Soft Batch Chocolate Chip (6%, 152 Votes)
- Trader Joe's Ginger Thins (6%, 147 Votes)
- Pepperidge Farm Chessmen (5%, 130 Votes)
- LU Petit Ecolier, milk chocolate (5%, 126 Votes)
- McVitties Digestives, dark chocolate (5%, 126 Votes)
- Golden Oreos (4%, 100 Votes)
- Pepperidge Farm Nantucket, Soft-Baked (4%, 96 Votes)
- Archway Dutch Cocoa (3%, 63 Votes)
- Blueberry Newtons (2%, 52 Votes)
- IKEA Pepparkakor (2%, 42 Votes)
- Stella D'Oro Breakfast Treats (2%, 42 Votes)
- Bahlsen Waffeletten (1%, 26 Votes)
- President's Choice Reverse Decadent White Chocolate Chip (1%, 24 Votes)
- Magic Middles/Mini Middles (1%, 22 Votes)
- Stella D'Oro Margherites (1%, 20 Votes)
Total Voters: 539
Tags: Dr. Mathra food Harry Potter and the Blah-Blah Fishcakes Keckler Mr. Stupidhead N Cookie AA vacay