The NC Double Scrooge: An Introduction
We should say right up front here that we don't actually hate the holidays. Well, maybe Keckler does, but I don't think so; I think she's like me, in that she finds many things about the holidays irritating, but still likes the season overall and counts many of her fondest memories as holiday memories.
The problem, of course, is that "the season" is now nearly as long as an actual meteorological season. Had our culture managed to confine Christmas to a week or two, many of these mildly negative aspects of the holidays would barely register, but instead, they gather loathsomeness with each repetition. (Sometimes. Other times, they're just wrong: I doubt my opinion of the candied fruit in fruitcake would improve even if it got itself on a Halley's-comet schedule.) Add to that the pressure to feel happy and generous; to have a perfect family, living nearby, with whom you never argue; and to go into debt proving your love, and it's no wonder that a few innocuous bars of Bing Crosby can set an already-short fuse blazing.
Thus: the NC Double Scrooge.
Please understand that we don't wish to talk anyone out of loving the winter holidays, or make the more Zen among you feel bad for not hating any and all of the entrants. Nothing in our polls makes you a bad or gullible person for liking it. Think of it more as an opportunity to register your displeasure with parts of the Christmas experience (or all of it; we don't judge you) in a safe, soothing environment, far away from mall elves and mothers-in-law. As always, we urge you to have fun with it, and not to take it personally in any way — we're just making jokes here.
Here's how it will work. Keckler has niftily broken down the holiday aggro into four rough categories: Entertainment (food; music; "church media"); Decorating; Family/Social Obligations (Christmas letters; pageants; pet antlers); and Shopping, which is our first poll. We'll also have separate polls for holiday songs and holiday movies/TV specials.
The top three (3) vote-getters from each poll will go into a final against one another…and then all the winners of that poll will fight for the title of most hated part of the holidays. Sounds a little complicated, but it really isn't; you'll get the hang of it.
Your job is to vote for the three (3) things in each poll that YOU hate the most. Not the ones you like best — it's like Survivor. You're registering displeasure, not support.
Questions? Ask away! Spirited defenses of glurg? Not interested, sorry! (Just kidding. …Not really, that shit is nast. Unless your granddad's version doesn't contain raisins, in which case, tell me more.) The first poll addresses the retail cone of horror and will appear later today (Thursday 9 December).
Tags: Keckler NC Double Scrooge shut up raisins winter-holiday agita