Sarah-

I’ve actually been in a similar situation before, so I have a different take on it. I was about as pure as Snowgirl was when I met an older guy who’d had a hell of a lot more experience than I had. While, unlike her, my guy wasn’t deterred from seeing me because of my purity (though he did use this “sweet and innocent” reference A Lot around me), he was nervous about how far to go with me. He had a lot of worries that he’d corrupt me and then screw me up somehow as well, since he’d done nearly everything and I’d done nothing, and I might just be doing stuff to please him instead of having a taste for it myself already, blah blah. Plus he indicated that, in a way, the more experienced one has a responsibility to see that it goes well, or something.However, he was also sensible enough to know that how else am I going to get experience if we don’t get up to things, and it went well from there. A receptive attitude from me helped.

My impression of Snowgirl’s situation is that she kinda freaked during a romantic moment, and that freaked him out that he was doing something she regarded as bad. For all I know, he may have been having one of those “sexual predator moments” where he started wondering if he was pushing too hard, especially given that he’s older than she is. I’m guessing that he’s too weirded out to pursue a relationship with her, but still really wants to get romantic with her. And he doesn’t know how to reconcile the two or just be her friend.

She’s probably out of luck with the guy if he can’t get over it, though, unless she wants to go lose her virginity to someone else and then call him up (which would be stupid). If he’s not willing to cooperate, there isn’t going to be any relationship. Unlike jobs, you shouldn’t have to have experience beforehand as a requirement to get a boyfriend.

The “Sweet and Innocent” One

Dear Sweet,

I agree with you on most of this – I’ve not found myself in that situation, but I can imagine that having significantly more experience than my partner would feel like a big responsibility.

I don’t think it’s NOT a big deal, but I do think that the guy is handling said deal in a really obnoxious, pompous way.He’s talking AT her about it, not WITH her, and in her position I don’t think I could concentrate on broadening my sexual horizons what with all the eye-rolling I’d have to do.

[12/14/00]

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