The Vine: February 13, 2001
Hi Sars,
My best friend’s husband has a psycho ex that is stalking him. She sends him threatening notes and phone calls, and she breaks into his car and his office. He refuses to take this seriously or to discuss it with his wife in any detail.
My friend, on the other hand, is hysterical. This has been going on for a full year and yet he refuses to take any action against this woman. He believes she will get bored and go away. My friend and I both fear for their safety, but her husband seems to think they are empty threats.
Not to sound like a Dawson here, but this crap has started interrupting my life. Every day I get tear-filled phone calls that last for hours. It’s interfering with my job. Emotionally, I can’t handle it anymore. And it’s not even my relationship! I’m trying to stay impartial and be a good friend to her, but it’s really getting hard. He threatens to divorce her at least once a month in order to “spare her this pain,” and I’m beginning to think she should just call him on it one of these days. Any advice at all from an objective person outside of this situation would really be appreciated.
Thanks,
Tired of the Whole Thing
Dear Tired,
Tell your friend what you’ve just told me. Tell her that you love her and you worry for her safety, but that she’s got to get off of her butt and do something about the situation because you can’t take it anymore.
When she asks what you should do, remind her that 1) her husband has refused to call off his ex; 2) her husband has refused to discuss the situation with her, his wife; and 3) he has offered her a divorce to “spare her.” Ask her what she thinks that means. When she says she doesn’t know and starts crying, which she probably will, ask her again. Tell her to think about it for a day or two.
At the very least, the husband doesn’t really care about your friend’s feelings, but that’s not what’s really going on here — what’s really going on here is that he’s fucking his ex. You don’t have to tell your friend that, but you do need to let her know, for the sake your own sanity, that if she can’t give him an ultimatum and stick to it, you don’t want to hear about it anymore.
Tags: boys (and girls) friendships
