I go to an alternative school. I’ve had some troubles in my past and I kind of wound up there. But that is not the point, though it does play a part.

There are only sixty kids in the entire school, and we have blocked classes, which means that we stay in one room all day. The kids and teachers end up being really close and there is a certain amount of friendship that develops between the kids and teachers.

That has to do with the fact that the kids and teachers are so close in age. My teacher is only 29, but he is not the youngest. We have a whole teaching staff of young, beautiful, virile males. It’s hell on a woman stuck in a little girl’s world. This is where my problem pops up.

In an alternative school, you must have a teacher’s aide in the room at all times, so there are different teachers and aides in our room all the time. There is this one teacher’s aide I am so attracted to, and he’s only 23. Because he’s so young, they stuck him in with the younger kids. But he comes down to our class about once a day. I have a huge old-fashioned crush on him. I’ve caught him looking at me too, but knowing him, he’d never pursue me; I’m just one of the “kids” he deals with at work. I am 18 and of legal age. He knows this and he recently has found out that I’m attracted to him. He kind of laughed.

I’ve gone out with men his age before, but that’s hardly an issue; in reality we aren’t that far apart in age. His being a teacher’s aide has a big thing to do with it. That’s such a taboo. He could lose his job, but it’s not like I’m a twelve-year-old. I’m not a little girl, nor do I look like one. I’ve never felt comfortable with the beer-swilling babies of my own age group. My question is, should I go after this guy, and if I should, how should I go about doing it, or should I forget about it?

Maybe because of what kind of school it is, I’ve been able to develop such an attraction. It’s a hands-on school, which means they can restrain students in the event of a physical confrontation. That leaves the door open for other kinds of physical contact that you won’t necessarily see at a regular high school. Nobody really cares about if, say, your teacher throws their arm around you ’cause you got an A. We’re all friends. We don’t even say “Mr.” or “Mrs.” We call them by their first names. The teachers wear jeans and khakis to work. It’s a very relaxed atmosphere. I guess that’s what makes it a breeding ground for physical attraction. Not only that, but I have a habit of becoming infatuated with guys I know there’s no chance in hell I’ll ever get with.

I’m really pathetic. I go on and on about him like he’s someone my age. I am just not interested in anyone else. I want to wrap my legs around his face and make him call me “mommy.” (Just kidding!) I think about him a lot. He’s become sort of my pet project, a conquest if you will. I know it isn’t fair to him, but it’s one of those things I can’t help. I hope we get some good-looking males that I get crushes on, because I am truly hopeless when it comes to this. What do you think?

FuzzyPinkNightmare