The Vine: October 2, 2000
Sarah,I met a friend of one of my closest friends about five months ago. At the time I thought he was a really interesting person, but had no romantic notions at all. Since that time, he has joined my friend’s band and I see him often. In the course of the past five months, my good friend and his wife have both intimated to me that he’s interested and has on several occasions made this plain to them. In the time that I’ve gotten to hang out with him, I’ve begun to enjoy his company more and more.
However, though I’ve called to invite him out (once) and made small advances (a sleep-over incident involving cuddling, not much else), he has yet to ask me out or anything. When we hang out it’s very friendly, lots of knees touching during conversations, and big, lingering hugs/kisses on the cheek, but that’s it.
My question isn’t why he hasn’t asked me out (not since a botched attempt to see Macy Gray four months ago), because I don’t need to know that. He’s a grown man, and if he were interested, he’d be interested. My question is, “Why the big play?” Why go around talking to my friends, et cetera, if you’re not gonna ask me out? Why? The one time I did ask him out he said he was getting over being sick, and couldn’t go. Could have been legitimate, could have been bogus. Can I ask again without looking like a stalker or a sucker or should I just go on about my business? Either way we’ll still be cool, I’d just like to define our relationship in my mind.
A Little Confused
Dear Confused,
The guy might feel pressured by your friends – obligated to show an interest. I don’t mean to slight you by saying that, but that could explain a lot of things, like the comments to your friends and the relatively chaste nookie.
I think you should ask him out again one more time; if he says no, break it down for him like you just broke it down for me. Explain that you don’t mind if he’s not down with a capital-R relationship, but that you’d like the mixed-signal sending to stop. If he keeps living in the grey area after you talk to him, make up your mind that he’s just a friend and act accordingly.
Tags: boys (and girls)
