The Vine: October 3, 2012
One of my very best friends is getting married in April (yay!) and she has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids (double yay!). She sent the link to buy the bridesmaids' dresses, and you're supposed to order them sooner rather than later (styles get discontinued, alterations take time, it takes 12 weeks to ship, etc.).
The problem is…I'm trying to get pregnant. My husband and I have been trying for a while, and I've undergone a few therapies that are making me hopeful that things will finally work out. Obviously, this makes buying a dress that I'm not going to wear for several months an issue…what size do I get? All of the retailers have a very strict "no returns or exchanges" policy, and I'd rather not have to buy two. The dress is empire waist and strapless, and a flowy material, so I'm not worried that the style won't work if I'm rocking a little bump. However, I've got a small frame, so I'm worried that buying a bigger size and then having it altered down won't really work (also, that seems like jinxing things…).
Am I missing an obvious solution? Am I just overthinking this because of (1) my excitement at the upcoming nups and (2) the fact that I'm getting kind of (quietly) obsessed with getting pregnant? Do you or the readers know of a bridal store that carries the popular (upscale) brands that offers exchanges or returns?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
No, you mentioned it yourself — and yes, you are.
I wouldn't say you're jinxing it; you're just counting a chicken that hasn't hatched yet. …Uh, weird turn of phrase under the circs; sorry. But you know what I mean. Anyway, you have two basic choices — order in your normal size; order a size up, and if it's too big when the time comes, punt — and I think you need to go with one, ASAP, and resolve not to stress about it. First of all, you can't control what's going to happen, and trying is only going to give you agita, which is not awesome generally and not indicated for trying to get pregnant specifically.
Second of all, good news: unless you're the bride, nobody cares. Got a couple pintucks in the bodice that you think everyone's going to notice? Nope! Not the bride, nobody cares. Unexpected pregnancy super-boobage fouling up the dress's line? Everyone's thrilled for you, because you're having a baby! Also, you're not the bride, so, "line"-wise, nobody cares. I overshot my diet for Mr. Stupidhead's wedding, and as a result I had a very minor fit issue on the day. Here's a list of who cared. Aaaaaand end of list.
You're excited for the wedding and you want to look perfect for the bride, and show that you took care with your appearance, and you don't want to make this purchase all about whether there will be a plus-one and be a jerk inadvertently. I totally get that, and it's sweet of you. But if you guess wrong and the bride is sawed off about it, then she's the jackwagon, not you — but she probably won't be, because she's your bestie, and nobody else cares.
I'd go ahead and buy the regular size, in the hopes that the irony fairy hit me with a "women plan, God laughs" blastocyst, like, the next day to teach me a lesson. Hee. And if that does happen, you really won't mind plunking down another couple hundo for a bigger dress, I'm guessing. On the other hand, what do I know; my youngest "child" is a nutbar feline who likes to play with her toys on top of the fridge. (…Right? "What is this colander doing on the stairs?" = a thing I said, aloud, yesterday. Fucking cats.) Let's hear from the readers who might have found themselves in a similar spot. And good luck!
Tags: etiquette health and beauty kids nuptial nonsense so I says to Mabel I says