About six months ago, my family lost our pet. Now, it’s just me and my parents, so to lose the dog that we’ve had since I was five and was my parents’ baby and more like a sibling to me has been pretty hard on us. Penny was pretty healthy right up until she died (she died at the age of 18) but we had about three years where she was clearly going downhill (you know, like losing her hearing and developing arthritis) that we understood it was really going to happen.

I guess I should point out that I am just like my father in personality. We have similar ways of dealing with things, so one of the first things we wanted to do was get another pet. My father has been saying for years he would like to get a beagle (he’s a hunter) but my mother wouldn’t even consider it. No more pets, never again, yes Penny was wonderful and one of a kind but never again.

My dad and I kinda just shrugged. It’s the grief process, everyone deals with it in different ways, and she just wasn’t ready yet. We didn’t press her.

Except that now it’s six months from now, and we would really like another pet. My mother still won’t even TALK about it.

I’m wondering if it has something to do with my maternal grandmother, who isn’t doing too well. We had promised a couple years ago to take her cats when she goes (my grandmother has a touch of the dramatic and pulls promises like that out of us every once in a while) and I think my mother may be concerned about going from a possible no-pet household to a one-dog/two-cat household within the next year or so. Either way she won’t talk about it, which I guess, after all this story, is the point. She didn’t even act like this when her father died.

I know you can’t give me a solution about how to magically help my mother and make her ready for a new pet (grief process, I understand) but it’s not like my mother to not even want to talk about it, and I was just wondering how I could even go about approaching the subject with her that won’t result in an abrupt brush-off.

Thanks for any tips you can give!

There’s a Cold Spot at the End of My Bed

I work at a newspaper, and my editor recently told us that the publisher is
unhappy with the way some people in the office are dressing. I don’t think I
am part of the problem — it’s more the woman who wears sweats during the
week and the people who wear jeans every day. I wear kind of a uniform of
black dress pants, high heels, and nice shirt every day, with some skirts
thrown in when it’s not too cold.

In short, casual Fridays are out. He says Monday through Thursday is
“business” and Fridays are “business casual.” The unwritten rule has been
“jeans and t-shirts are okay on Fridays” but no more.

The term “business casual” has been redefined so often in the last few years
that some of my coworkers and I are struggling to figure out exactly what
this means. I was wondering if you or any readers had any current “office
dress code” definition for this term.

Are we talking khakis and polo shirts? (Ugh.)

Also, any good suggestions on places to buy these “business casual” clothes
online?

Signed,
Just slap a pair of khakis on me

Is there a word for an exaggeration to a lesser extent?

I know that hyperbole is an exaggeration for effect, like saying “there were
millions of people at the rally” would emphasize that a lot of people were
there. But if very few people showed and one said “nobody came to the
rally,” is it still hyperbole?

This question stems from a distant memory of a once-mentioned term back in
sophomore English, and I was wondering if it rings any particular bells for
you.

K

I have a friend, Adam, that I have known for quite a
while. We have always been close, the volume of
communication waxes and wanes as with most people, but
for the most part we are pretty tight. We met in
college and have since moved apart, but keep in contact
via telephone.

In October, he left me a message during a very busy
week. At the end of the week, I called him back and
left him a message. No call back. It’s now months later. I’ve left a few other messages, from “Hey,
give me a call,” to “Um, I know you’re busy, but just
let me know you are alive.” Nothing. Not too worrying,
but a little unusual. Most of the time we at least
leave each other “Very busy, call you soon!” messages
or emails or something. I tried to call about a week
ago, and his phone is turned off. As in “this account no
longer exists.” At this point, I’m at a loss, I drop
him a quick email, but, honestly, he never checks it,
so I doubt he’s even gotten that.

Now I start to freak out a little with the worry. I
don’t know his family very well, so if something
horrible happened I wouldn’t necessarily find out.
Even when I know I’m being illogical, I sometimes get
a little panicky if I don’t know what’s going on. So,
more for piece of mind than anything else, I Googled
his name, figuring if I didn’t see news articles about
fiery car crashes or anything, I could at least stop
thinking about the worst-case scenarios. No car
crashes, but I do find a staff page for a college in
my state that says he is their newest professor. So
basically, he has moved halfway across the country,
back to my state, and hasn’t called or emailed or
anything.

Now, finally the question. What do I do with this
information? It has his work email and his office
number on the site. My dilemma: do I use it? I have no
idea how to proceed here. While I am rather peeved
about the dropping-off-the-earth thing, it’s great
he’s closer and I’m thrilled about the job. At the
same time, I’m wondering if he didn’t tell me because
for some reason I don’t know about he has decided he
doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. Everything
seemed really cool between us up until he stopped
calling, but how can I really know what’s going on in
the head of someone so far away (or so I thought)? It
also seems rather stalker-ish to just call someone on
a number they never gave you that you found on the
internet. Lastly, do I even want to be friends with
someone who would pull something like this? Argh.

Thanks,
Hanging by the Telephone

I’ve been invited to present a research paper at an academic conference in
June. My paper title contains the word “d__d,” a direct quote from one of my
subject’s short stories. (Writing in the early 1900s, she chose not to spell
out the word — which reminds me of an Onion article from a couple of years
ago, something like “Area Woman Has No Idea What Missing Letters Might
Mean.”)

Anyway, my question is this: when I read the title out loud at the
beginning of my presentation, how do I deal with the word? Do I simply say
“damned,” even though that’s not the quote? Do I make the “d” sound and then
pause? Please help me avoid sounding stupid — for the first few seconds,
anyway — in front of a bunch of people I respect.

Thanks,
Once You Answer, I’ll Actually Have to Write the D__d Thing