Okay, Sars, I don’t know is this will make the Vine, but I’m at a loss and being that this problem involves one of my best friends, I can’t exactly go to her for advice …

Hi Sarah,
In recent weeks I discovered both Mighty Big TV and Tomato Nation, and, boy, has my productivity at work suffered as a result. Anyway, after perusing the archives of The Vine and nodding my …

I had no choice. I’d already tried running Scan Disk in Windows, running Scan Disk in DOS, running Scan Disk on an Amiga, defragging the drive, bellowing the word “NOT!” at the monitor in various …

Stomach: Psst. Hey. Hey, you guys. Psst. You guys, wake up.
Liver: [Mrfflle.]
Stomach: Hey, wake up, you guys!
Liver: Shhhh.
Stomach: You guys?
Lower Intestine: Shhhh!
Stomach: You guuuyyyys…I’m huuuuungry.
Kidneys: SHHHH! God!
Stomach: Well, it’s eleven-thirty, and —
Liver: Dude, shut up. …

A.I. doesn’t work. It can; it could. For reasons I can’t quite put my finger on, I very much wanted it to. But in the end, it just doesn’t. Why not?
Let’s look at the accusations …

Hey Sars:
First of all, the usual kudos for your very fine writing — I think I’ve laughed at or enjoyed everything I’ve ever read that you write — and that includes your editorial comments over …

Dearest Sars,
A friend recently decided to quit her job to be a freelance writer. I heard she was struggling a bit, so I offered her some work for my company. I wasn’t that desperate for …

Two months ago, my boyfriend of two and a half years, with whom I had been living for a year, broke up with me, claiming we had become incompatible sexually, which he felt would never …

Sars:
More suggestions for Very Confused Girl: If J’s mother won’t go to counseling (professional or spiritual), I recommend that she look into support groups for parents who have lost children. One group J’s mother (or …

Dearest, all knowing Sars,
Okay, time for a really awkward question: a cousin of mine died about a week ago. I wasn’t greatly affected, because the last time I had seen him was 1985. But he …