The United States government needs to legalize marijuana for recreational use, and they need to do so as soon as possible. For those of you who might have trouble reconciling this statement with my snippy …

Last night, I went to see Todd Solondz’s new film Happiness. When it ended, I strode purposefully out of the theater and down the stairs to the ladies’ room, locked myself into a stall, and …

EPISODE 3b: FLUFFY’S FAREWELL
Audiences learn what really happened to the Brady girls’ marmalade cat when a Buick Skylark flattens the hapless feline during the Bradys’ honeymoon. Everyone learns a valuable lesson about not getting too …

Every morning since October began, I have gotten to work and braced myself before opening the door to my department, not because I hate my job or anything, but because everyone in the office has …

I voted for Bill Clinton twice. Well, actually, I voted against his opponents. George Bush seemed like a nice enough guy, but he used to run the CIA, and also he lied about the whole …

Okay, people, can we get started? Okay. I hope someone remembered to get me some cigarettes – okay, thank god. Pass that ashtray down here and let’s get this over with.
The first order of business …

In my youth – before I discovered challenging intellectual pursuits like General Hospital and lying on my back with my feet up on the wall talking on the telephone until I lost circulation in my …

I don’t like kids. I have never liked kids. Even as a kid, I didn’t like kids. Okay, certain children can give my heartstrings a tug sometimes. One time I went browsing in a home …

It probably hasn’t escaped the notice of even the most casual Tomato Nation reader that I have a lot of hostility. I get annoyed easily; in fact, I get really annoyed really easily. But when …

This morning, as I stood in front of my closet and pondered what to wear, I felt something fuzzy brush against my legs. Assuming that the cat had wandered over to help me select an …