Hey, kids — it’s time to turn those “you can’t fucking smoke in the fucking bars in New York fucking City anymore, for fuck’s sake” frowns upside-down! Well, we at Deadly Nightshade Industries do know …

Dear Sars,
I’ve been seeing a guy, who I will refer to as “Prada,” for about a month and a half. I had suspected as much earlier, but the other night I discovered for sure — …

Dear Sars,
Like you, I’ve got a cat that I love very much, Frisky. Most of the time
she lives at home with my parents, since I can’t keep a cat in my dorm, but
she’s still my …

Hi, Sars:
So, my boyfriend of three years and I broke up in the last few weeks, an act
that was not my choice and was also a bit shocking to me. I’ve been through
a rather gross …

Dear Sars,
I’ve enjoyed your tales of Hobey and Little Joe, as well as your excellent cat-related advice, so I decided to get your take on my own feline difficulties. Apologies in advance for the length …

So, yes. The war. The…war.
Yes.
Okay.
I…okay. I need another Corona first. Okay, let me just…with the lime, here…okay. The war. I will now discuss the war.
I would prefer not to discuss the war.

Hi Sars,
I’m sending this to you because I’m caught in a frustrating situation. This
is going to be a long email and I apologize, but I’m hoping you can tell me
something besides, “That sucks, dude.”
My boyfriend, …

Dear Sars,
About six weeks ago, my very elderly and very wonderful cat died. She had a
long and fairly happy life (18 years of it), even if the beginning wasn’t
too wonderful. She was an orphaned kitten …

Dear Sars,
So…there’s this boy. We’ll call him “James.” And then
there’s his housemate, who shall henceforth be named
“Edward.” A while ago, Edward and I fooled around some;
this passed, and I started hanging out at James and
Edward’s …

Hey Sars,
I’ve been dating my befriend for nine months, but I have actually known him for
two years. This past weekend I took him home with me to attend the wedding of
my best friend from high …