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Home » Baseball

The League Championship Serieseseses: Discuss

Submitted by on October 20, 2009 – 11:50 AM50 Comments

1. Jessica thinks Mark Teixeira is kinda fug. I disagree, but he used to seem a lot cuter; he looks like he gained some weight in the face or something. Joe R and Trog and I talked about it at some length the other night and we couldn't put our fingers on it. And…didn't want to.

2. Here's what is definitely fug: Tex's postseason plate performance. I have you in my pool, guy. Please hit a baseball to a part of the field where there is no one to catch it. Please do this a bunch of times because I like money kthxbye.

3. So…the older gentleman is too embarrassed to talk to his doctor about his erectile dysfunction, but he's a-okay discussing said embarrassment with his own reflection, on the street, in broad daylight. And then high-fiving his reflection while eating a pleasant lunch with his soon-to-be-satisfyingly-boned wife. I don't know if Viagra is really the medication this individual needs, but: all righty then.

4. Anything else on your mind? See you in the comments — just as soon as I finish building my Mrs. Cliff Lee wedding registry.

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  • LaSalleUGirl says:

    Sars, you'll be fighting off a lot of Philly girls for that wedding registry — good luck!

    Both games last night were incredibly tense. We watched the end of the ALCS game and the beginning of the NLCS game at my parents' house, with my dad flipping vertiginously back and forth every two seconds. (Seriously. I practically had whiplash from all the channel-changing.) Four hours later, I was begging the Phillies to! so I could go to bed. What a night.

  • Lauren T. says:

    Teix was always a little too "Buzz Lightyear" for me, but this video from when he was a Brave gives me serious tummy flips on McCann's behalf:

    But you're right, something's changed in New York. I thought the pinstripes would be slimming! ;)

  • Momthecoach says:

    All I can say is that it's a damn good thing he was able to get vertical to snag the high line drive, and was savvy enough to cover 2nd for the tag. Those were the only things that could have made up for his half ass plate performance!

  • Maria says:

    Hee! After Sunday night, "Maria and Sarah's assault on 5th Place" was rechristened "Maria and Sarah start writing Mrs. Maria Lee/ Mrs. Sarah Lee (HEE!) on their Trapper Keepers, decide to name their first borns or next pets 'Clifford Lee Lastname'." But of course I can't post to the pool blog, and the thought fell out of my head before I got home and could do so.

    Re: TEX: When your instinct tells you to pick crush object Jayson Werth, LISTEN. Don't talk yourself out of stacking your slate with one team's hitters. Better looking, MUCH better hitter, and I don't hate his team. Le Sigh.

  • Amanda says:

    Aw, I like Texieira's stockiness. Good for snuggling (and acrobatic fielding, if not hitting). Then again, I also quite like Nick Swisher's double-chin and chipmunk cheeks, so maybe I'm not the best judge.

    You know who is an unqualified hottie? Andre Ethier (ignore the pic on his Wikipedia entry, though…yikes).

  • mctwin says:

    Its easy to pick an object of obsession on the Phils, but extremely difficult to point out a star since they ALL contribute so well! One day its the pitcher, (yeah, Cliff Lee is an all-around hottie!) then its the walk-off double by a hitter who hasn't shown much stuff in the current series!

    All the talk here is for the Phillies to meet up with the Pinstripes in the Series; let's hope! Ya- and HOO!!! Bet RED October!! (Sorry, Ms. Sars!)

  • attica says:

    Somebody somewhere did a side-by-side photo comparing Tex at the plate with The Sopranos' Silvio, and but for an age-crease or two, they're the same guy. Sorry to say.

    Still, his flexible abductor muscles that allow him to stretch for all those badly thrown balls make up for his poor batting lately. But I'm not in a fantasy league, so I can forgive subpar offense some.

    That commercial that shows Jimmy Rollins-as-a-kid footage? A. Dor.A. Ble. His grin is still infectious.

  • Kim says:

    I can almost forgive Tex forgetting how to hit as long as he keeps making amazing plays in the field. I can NOT forgive Joe G for AGAIN being down to his last pitcher in a tied game. I really don't want to see Swish pitch in the post season.

  • Whitney says:

    I am teaching my my boyfriend to like baseball, and while we were watching a game last week, he commented on the number of ED related ads. He seemed to think there were more Viagra ads during baseball games than truck ads during football games (which he does watch regularly). I can't say I ever noticed a difference, and now I feel like I should be keeping a running tally just to check.

  • Xisthespot says:

    So, are ED commercials as squirm-worthy for guys, as "female product" commercials are for women?

  • Catherine says:

    Seriously — when I saw that commercial I remarked that the guy clearly needs some sort of anti-psychotic more than he needs Viagra.

  • Jessica says:

    Tex has a face for beer pong, is all I'm saying. But to each her own, as I have apparently decided that I could watch Mariano Rivera read the phone book.

    Also? I now kind of love Richard Sandomir at the NY Times, for this. Dear Chip Caray: do not make me miss your dad even more.

    @Lauren: I love your blog now.

    @Sars: I owe you a receipt.

  • bristlesage says:

    In other news, I just received my $50 Giving Card for signing up for monthly donations with DC, so that's applied to the challenge. Woo woo!

    Anyway, I'm rooting for a Freeway Series but will be fine with either team coming out of the NL (sorry, Yankee fans). And I'm tempted to watch all future games on delay just so I can skip those ED commercials–though I find that if you watch Project Runway at the same time, the sheer number of tampon commercials can kind of balance things out.

  • Shannon in CA says:

    When Teixeira is in the batter's box, he always looks a little cross-eyed to me. Anyone else notice this, or am I hallucinating again?

  • Amanda says:

    I watched the NLCS. I threw my remote across the room and nearly broke it in half. It looks like this now. So my loyalties are probably pretty clear. I would have preferred to lose 11-0 again, because at least that just got hilarious after a while. (When the top of the ninth started, Vin Scully asked, "Is anyone out there?") Alas.

    Other bonus of Hiroki Kuroda imploding: Torre felt compelled to bring in Chad Billingsley to mop up. Love me some Thunder Thighs, questionable facial hair and all. Oh, if only he'd gotten that start. We could have lost 4-0 instead of 11-0 and I would have had something to look at.

    The good part of last night's game (for me, being bitter as I am) was when TBS showed Sandy Koufax sitting in the crowd, allowing me and my friend to obnoxiously squeal, "SANDEEEEEEEEE!" because we totally weren't born twenty years after he retired or anything. Of course, that was when the Dodgers still looked like they would win, so it's only the high point after the fact. Sorry, Sandy.

    Oh, and Ned Colletti just agreed to a "long-term" contract extension. This week gets better and better! I feel an ulcer coming on.

  • attica says:

    I remember watching a game last spring. Amidst all the ads for ED drugs and prostate meds was an ad for a Conair Vibrator! Complete with voiceover by that chirpy voiced woman who does the Microtouch grooming device ads. I was gobsmacked. Some media buyer understands that chicks watch baseball too? Unheard of!

    Hasn't happened since, though.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Koufax is still a Kou-fox, no?

  • Amanda says:

    @Sarah: Ohhhh yes. Yes, he is.

  • LaSalleUGirl says:

    @Amanda: A poker metaphor occurred to me after the NLCS game ended last night. The Phillies have an extraordinary tendency to suck out on the river card. As a lifelong Philadelphian, I find this habit exasperatingly endearing, but I can only imagine how infuriating it must be for the opposing teams' fans.

  • K. says:

    @ mctwin: Word. Being a native Philadelphian living in NYC would be reeeeeallllyyy interesting if that happened. (My father, who was born and raised in Philly, was like "If you come back here a Knicks, Yankees, Giants, or Mets fan, I am through with you.) I am liable to get myself shot – I already carry my Phillies World Champions travel mug on the subway and people give me the side-eye. In return, I give them a beatific smile. Last night almost killed me, until it got awesome.

  • Linda says:

    I like the idea of discussing hotness in any place adjacent to the Phillies (the team I grew up watching), simply because they are traditionally so gross.

    Seriously, with the tobacco juice and the beards and the hair? Unbelievable.

    You know who was a fox? Darren Daulton was a fox, and now he looks like Bruce fucking Jenner.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Carlton was kind of a fox too, but no matter how bright the rest of the Phillies' hotness might shine, it will get swallowed by the black hole of one John Kruk. The dude STILL looks like smells of sauerkraut and Copenhagen, even in his suit on "Baseball Tonight."

  • mctwin says:

    My boyfriend and I discussed that just last night! The ED ads drive him NUTS!! I told him the Yaz and Nuuva (sp?) Ring and First Response commercials drive me just as crazy! "One out of four women can misread a pregnancy test." Thank you, you sexist pig!! Can one out of four men read a pregnancy test at all? Grrrrrrr! "Birth control pills do not prevent STD's" Really? Never would have guessed since the whole reason for the pill is to avoid the condom!! Double Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!

  • Bridget says:

    @Sars: I think this handsome bunch of Phils might break the Kruk-gravity. In addition to being seriously hot, they look like they're having a great time–even when everyone but them thinks they're losing! (I don't know how many more of those nights I can take–the cats are afraid to sit on my lap, due to the jumping and yelling)

  • DT says:

    @Linda. I remember Darren Daulton from his playing days, but I had to google when I read your post and…oy. I got a strong Frasier Crane vibe from the photo on his website. Not good. Not. Good.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Who would play Niles — Von Hayes?

    [ducks flying footwear]

  • Jessica says:

    Also: Dykstra. The Phillies have a lot to answer for.

    I also do not find the Angels, as a group, impressive, at least aesthetically.

  • Linda says:

    You can NOT look at late-stage Daulton. He looks like Frasier, yes, and he also looks (as stated) like BRUCE JENNER. I will appear to be crazy if you rely on late-stage Daulton.


  • Amanda says:

    The Dodgers are just sort of inoffensive, in terms of attractiveness. They're not an ugly bunch (we'll ignore Jeff Weaver and the entire coaching staff), but aside from my aforementioned affinity for big-thighed Billingsley, none of them really get me, either. Kemp, Loney, Martin, and Kershaw are all adorable, and Ethier would be if he'd cut his hair. Then the herd gets a little thin among our starting position players and our pitching staff.

    The bench, however, could have three John Kruks on it and still be good-looking, 'cause Brad Ausmus is our backup catcher. Nuf ced. Educated, witty, and hot.

    The only Dodger that I waffle on, on this subject, is Thome. I've loved him since I was a preteen (it's pathetic; all of my friends checked in with me when he was traded to LA just to make sure I was still breathing), and yet I can't figure out if I think he's attractive-goofy or just goofy. Either way, the man is a living cartoon character and I adore him. I HAVE STRUCKEN OUT MANY TIMES

  • Maria says:

    @Linda: Darren Daulton = my all-time favorite baseball player, even surpassing Michael Jack Schmidt and Tug McGraw. He and I were in the emergency room the same night (when Lenny got shitfaced at Smokey Joe's and plowed them into a tree, I got shitfaced in the dorm and fucked up my knee), I went to the (at the time) longest-ever World Series game in '93 at The Vet. Man, those were some good years…

    Then he found Jesus with the 2nd wife, went to the Marlins to get his WS ring, AND NOW HE THINKS HE CAN TRAVEL THROUGH SPACE AND TIME. Ay yi yi. Oh, Dutch. I loved you so much better when you were just drinking too much and getting your knees scoped annually.

    @Sars: I think we've discussed this – my mom loves John Kruk, since back in the 90s when I made her watch Phils games. The man is truly hysterical, and a decent analyst at that. His All-Star AB vs. Randy Johnson is a classic.

    @Amanda, re: Ausmus. He's pretty awesome. (Oh, I have a weakness for a catcher with arms like tree trunks and a great smile, back to Mike Scioscia!) I have a rookie card of his somewhere. Between him, Ken Caminiti (RIP you crazy drunk), and Craig Biggio, my roommate and I loved watching Phils-Astros games. Good ball play, and good ogling.

    Thome's just goofy. But awesome goofy.

  • PhillyGirl says:

    I am still pissed that Lee didn't get to complete the game the other night!

    And Sars, I will be right behind you at the Macy's registry: Mrs. PhillyGirl Werth.

  • meredithea says:

    Thome has always reminded me if Francis X. Bushman. He's all heroic chin and "I can save you!" looking at the plate. I've always liked him.

  • Another Thome fan here. I saw met him (sorta) back when I was a tween when he was an Indians prospect at spring training in Tucson. He was so friendly — we were sitting next to family friends visiting from Illinois and he chatted with us too — and even as a kid in AA he had no problem handling pitches from Greg Swindell. He's a class act.

  • Kris says:


    How can you resist this Angel?

    (Yes, I’m a broken-hearted Twins fan. How did you guess?)

  • Kate says:

    That Viagra commercial was definitely a topic of discussion during the game (go, Phillies,whoo! Ahem…)
    A consensus was reached suggesting that:
    1. It's more embarrassing to high-five your reflection in a store window on a crowded street in the middle of the afternoon, than it is to have erectile dysfunction. For one thing, if you have ED, there's probably only a handful of people who'd ever know about it. But high-fiving the Macy's window? Everyone can see you doing it!
    2. Yes, ED can be embarrassing but hey, stuff happens and you wind up with ED. High-fiving your own reflection in a store window? That's something you actively did to yourself, buddy, when you totally didn't have to. Yes, you should be ashamed– for being a jackass.
    3. Jayson Werth is a stone fox.

  • Janelle says:

    I suppose you can marry Cliff Lee, as long as I get Ryan Howard. I guess I can't marry *all* of them, as much as I'd like to.

  • Jessica says:

    Aww, Kris. You have my sympathies. Although y'all got the better end of the '91 deal. W/r/t hot players doing funny commercials: I only see one man, and that one man is Ichiro.

    Re the ED commercial: what always disturbed me is that the guy's inner self is so smarmy.

    Is anyone else amused by the presence of Pat Sajak right behind home plate, looking as if he will will the Angels to win by the sheer power of his concentration?

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Maybe Sajak should suit up. Someone's got to hit Yankee pitching over there.

  • Suz says:

    Oh, Mark Texiera. As a Braves fan, I started hyperventilating as soon as he was signed. He came, he hit homers, he was awesome….and then he was gone. I used to see a very attractive man, and a great ballplayer. Now all I see are those big front teeth of his poking out of the pinstripes. Though I have been impressed by the flexibility at first and ability to snag anything within his zip code.

    Interesting factoid: Manny Ramirez and Jim Thome played together in the minors for AAA Charlotte Knights. I worked at the stadium in the summer of '97 (best summer job ever!) and just adored Manny. He was low-key and had short hair. So much has happened since then.

  • Heather C. says:

    Re: Darren Daulton – an old friend had a girlfriend in the early '90s that was swoony for Daulton, much like many high schoolers in the Philly area at the time. So the friend and I became huge fans of backup catcher TODD PRATT!!!! Seriously, we would scream and yell his name and carry on, and get weird looks from everyone around us, girlfriend included. Of course, this friend and I would also yell French and try to distract outfielders with "Look! A croissant!" when the Expos came to town.

    Sometimes, you have to make your own fun at the ballpark.

  • kate says:

    we're a split household – my husband is a Phillies fan, and my NL team is the Dodgers, but we can both get behind hating the Yankees. (Sorry, Sars…) But so far our favorite game night event is when Chone Figgins is at bad. Then we get to talk about "his restaurant" and how it's doing, because really, that name can't possibly be pronounced "Shawn" – clearly he's the man behind "Shoney's", right? … right?

  • EB says:

    The workers at my 2-and-a-half year old son's daycare are teaching him about the Phillies. He came home saying, "The Dodgers are going down!" But they're all 20-something women, so he only knows the cute Phillies. No love for Carlos Ruiz going on over there. But it's still really cute when he says, "Sugar Shane Vic-ta-reeeeeno." At this point I'm looking into a Cliff Lee registry, though I doubt he's in to straight guys.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    @EB: That's hilarious. Does he know how to say "Flyin' Hawaiian" yet?

  • Kate (the one who said Jayson Werth is a stone fox) says:

    @EB: Aw, that's adorable! Victorino's awesome (and awesomely cute) but as a 20-something year old, I'm throwing my hat in for Ruiz too. He just gets it done, you know?

  • Ellen says:

    Werth is nice to look at, although I find him much more attractive when he wears his nerd glasses…

    Of course having a soft spot for catchers, I am definitely considering the Mrs. Jeff Mathis registry.

  • Gleemonex says:

    Our two-year-old daughter knows Jeter on sight and says "Dewek. Jeetah." very carefully when she sees him. She's prone to doing laps around the living room whenever he's onscreen or when anything else exciting happens. Now, we did give her the #2 jersey, but the rest of it is allll her. We don't go to church, but that doesn't mean we don't have VALUES.

  • Maria says:

    My coworker, another life-long Phils fan, dubbed #28 "Werthless" a few years ago when his wife (along with every other straight woman and gay man in the viewing audience) developed a crush on the man. It's been a running joke with all of us, even though JW's anything BUT worthless.

    Last night I get a text: "[Wife] says he's Spongewerthy."

    Totally. GO PHILS!

    [Kicking myself even harder for not picking him in the pool.]

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Goddammit, AJ.

  • Manda says:

    Finally, Teixeira. If that wasn't sexy I don't know what is.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:


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