At a cocktail party last week, a guy told me that, actually, it’s not just you — the onslaught of Christmasiana did start early this year. Usually, it just seems like the tinselly retail-driven barrage …

NEW YORK (Hollywood Reporter) – The Federal Communications Commission has confirmed it received complaints about the uncensored broadcast of Oscar-winning war movie “Saving Private Ryan” on ABC-affiliated stations last week.An FCC official said several complaints …

Wing Chun: AAAAAAAAARRRRGGH!
Sarah: AAAAGGHHHH!
Wing Chun: RRRRRRRRR!
Sarah: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Wing Chun: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Sarah: UUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH!
Wing Chun: NOT!
Sarah: I KNOW!
Wing Chun: FUCK!
Sarah: SHIT!
Wing Chun: ASS! ASSHEAD!
Sarah: FUCKING…FUCKER!
Wing Chun: HATE!
Sarah: HATEY HATE!
Wing Chun and Sarah: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
Wing Chun: I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING!
Sarah: ME …

I didn’t have Halloween plans yesterday — or, more precisely, I had plans yesterday, but not of the Halloween variety. I’d gone to Bean’s legendary Halloween fete the night before, kitted out as Zombie Jackie …

So, I’ve avoided writing about the upcoming election, because I don’t know that I have anything all that compelling to add to what you’ve probably read elsewhere, and also, Ctrl-V-ing the word “arrrrrrgh” sixty-six thousand …

Wing Chun: Hello?
Sarah: Helllloooooo!
Wing Chun: Hee. It’s about time.
Sarah: Can you believe that?
Wing Chun: Well. It’s not like he was known for his clean living.
Sarah: But…wait, who are we talking about?
Wing Chun: Rick…James? Aren’t we?
Sarah: …

Okay, the no-carb thing has got to go. Seriously. The weight-loss culture in its toxic and dangerous entirety has got to go, actually, but I’ll get to that in a second; first, I’ve got to …

Sarah: Hello.
Wing Chun: Oh, hello.
Sarah: So. What’s up?
Wing Chun: Oh, you know. You?
Sarah: Nothing. Not a thing.
Wing Chun: Meeeee neither.
Sarah: …
Wing Chun: …
Sarah: [cough]
Wing Chun: Anyway.
Sarah: Okay, so, the thing is, and I hesitate to …

Wing Chun: Okay — not to obsess about Girls’ Bike Club over here, but you know who we forgot, and who’s the GBC president emeritus?
Sarah: Who?
Wing Chun: Billy Joel.
Sarah: Ohhhh yeah. Man, he just wrecked …

Sarah: Do you happen to know if there’s a planet in retrograde?
Wing Chun: Why, because Reagan died?
Sarah: You know, I hadn’t even thought of that. I could totally count that. My hair, Hobey’s teeth, J.Lo …