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Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

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Articles in Donors Choose and Contests

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: CHARGE!
October 29, 2010 – 11:11 AM | 12 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: CHARGE!

“Hey, guys. Master Stupidhead here. Aunt Dodo says you only have three days left to raise $6,145. Dodo says that money could help send kids to college, or buy catcher’s mitts for kids in India. …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Call to the Pen
October 25, 2010 – 11:10 AM | 15 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Call to the Pen

I need some help from you guys on a few things.
I need you to watch Terriers on FX. All y’all Donal Logue fans will eat it up, and it’s a good show besides that. I’d …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: The 7K Stretch
October 21, 2010 – 3:18 PM | 10 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: The 7K Stretch

We still have $7,943 dollars to raise for college scholarships and Little League uniforms. It sounds like a lot; as a single number, it is a lot.
Broken down, it isn’t a lot at all. Check …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Middle of the Fifth
October 16, 2010 – 11:52 AM | 11 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Middle of the Fifth

Halfway through the month today, and guess what you’ve done so far? You’ve polished off the 10K for Donors Choose with your usual ease; and you’ve only got $8,416 to go for Pitch In For …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Stand-Up Double
October 13, 2010 – 8:01 PM | 17 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Stand-Up Double

But first, the TN Fall Classic/Adventures In Random DVR-Pausing crossover event, starring Messrs. Small and Large Salad, Kruk and Schilling. I didn’t recognize Schilling at all for a few minutes. (Sarah: “Is that Dick Cheney?” …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Hustle
October 12, 2010 – 12:24 PM | 11 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Hustle

Some of you may not care about baseball. That’s no problem, because this isn’t really about baseball.
This is about kids feeling like somebody hears them and gives a damn. Adults feeling that way too, really …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Weekend Warriors
October 8, 2010 – 1:22 PM | 8 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Weekend Warriors

“Hello, TN readers. I’m Oscar Gamble, and I just know your hearts are as big as my Afro, so please donate today.”
Good afternoon, friends — I apologize for the delay in today’s posting. The Donors …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Sweet Action
October 7, 2010 – 11:38 AM | 8 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Sweet Action

It’s October — candy season. I realized this morning, while prying part of the Laffy Taffy I’d breakfasted on out of my backmost left molar, that 1) I need to get the N Candy AA …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: 0 For 2
October 6, 2010 – 11:25 AM | 32 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: 0 For 2

Y’all raised for $300 the Jackie Robinson Foundation and Pitch In For Baseball yesterday, so as promised, I’ve posted my prom pictures. My date is cropped out to protect his anonymity, but he’s wearing a …

The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Sophomore Slump
October 5, 2010 – 11:16 AM | 16 Comments
The Tomato Nation Fall Classic: Sophomore Slump

1988 Sarah says, “Let’s celebrate $6,481 with a styrofoam garland and a gigantic sweater!”
Sadly, I could not find any pictures dating from my freshman year; you’ll just have to take my word that my school …