Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

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Articles in Stories, True and Otherwise

At That Time
September 12, 2010 – 1:58 AM | 18 Comments
At That Time

I live close to Green-Wood Cemetery. I like it there, walking around in all the stories.
Long ago, the stories went right onto the headstones. One young man — I’ll call him “Martin V.B. Thompson,” though …

“Bartender, another round for Mrs. Uglyface”
August 30, 2010 – 1:55 PM | 10 Comments
“Bartender, another round for Mrs. Uglyface”

Happy birthday, Mr. Stupidhead. Next round’s on me.

Damn Millionaires Show, Saturday 8/7/10
August 5, 2010 – 10:02 AM | 3 Comments
Damn Millionaires Show, Saturday 8/7/10

Hey, friends — The Damn Millionaires have come to town, and you should totally come out to see them play the stage at King Killer Studios (Mr. Stupidhead filling in on bass!). Also featuring Dan …

Words Of The Day: “dorkasualty,” “tremendouche”
May 24, 2010 – 12:08 PM | 44 Comments
Words Of The Day: “dorkasualty,” “tremendouche”

I coined “dorkasualty” just now, after giving myself a two-knuckle paper cut with the Chicago Manual. The 16.42 entry on documentation now looks like I used it as a hot-dog bun. Earlier today, I dropped …

My music-video debut: The Deadlyz, “Fall”
April 28, 2010 – 9:36 AM | 14 Comments
My music-video debut: The Deadlyz, “Fall”

Putting the “fun” back in “Superfund”: director/producer Eddie Ortiz, Deadlyz drummer Mark Mastellone, and location manager/co-star yours truly on the roof of King Killer Studios in fragrant Gowanus, Brooklyn. Photo by Bill Bjornholm.

Welcome Back, Reader
April 13, 2010 – 10:36 PM | 64 Comments
Welcome Back, Reader

Oh, hello. How’s it going? …Oh, you know. Two trips to the vet in one day, which I could have done without, but everyone’s more or less fine, and Little Joe lost a pound and …

A few scheduling notes
April 9, 2010 – 8:07 AM | 9 Comments
A few scheduling notes

Hello, friends. I’ve returned to Brooklyn airspace; it’s time to let you know about some upcoming content and scheduling.
The Vine. Another fest will appear later today. I’ve been heavy on Ask The Readers entries of …

Big Country Little Car Tour, Day 12
April 6, 2010 – 11:43 PM | 26 Comments
Big Country Little Car Tour, Day 12

Leaving KC, I spotted another Smart. It took some maneuvering to get alongside it, not to mention steering in weekend traffic while taking Compulsive Waving Family to deranged new levels, but I managed it. The …

Big Country Little Car Tour, Day 11
April 5, 2010 – 8:43 AM | 15 Comments
Big Country Little Car Tour, Day 11

Friday dawned windy, with thunderstorms in the forecast. Campbell is a brave little cherry Starburst, good in most weather, but she’s not perfect; wind moves her around a lot, and on the high setting, her …

Big Country Little Car Tour, Day 10
April 4, 2010 – 7:49 AM | 12 Comments
Big Country Little Car Tour, Day 10

People notice the car, and because they notice the car, they notice the plates. Mostly, they comment that they can’t believe I drove a Tupperware container all the way from New York City, but now …