Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

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Articles in Stories, True and Otherwise

Support Local Biz: July 12, 2011
July 12, 2011 – 5:27 PM | 5 Comments
Support Local Biz: July 12, 2011

Just a reminder that you can read about icky food on my Tumblr, Revolting Snacks of North America. Pictured above is today’s specimen, the Utz Cheeze Ball.
And on another note entirely, from reader Kristen F. …

Proud
June 27, 2011 – 12:34 AM | 14 Comments
Proud

I went to Pride today. I went by mistake, and not really willingly, because I suffered some sort of nuclear brain fart while planning my afternoon and thought coming into the city on the west …

Bin Laden In Heaven
May 2, 2011 – 3:09 PM | 62 Comments
Bin Laden In Heaven

 
Osama bin Laden is in heaven.
Upon his death, bin Laden went to heaven, as he’d expected to, a warrior of righteousness claiming his longed-for reward. An archangel escorted him to a large, lavishly appointed salon, …

Introducing “Revolting Snacks of America: A Field Guide”!
April 19, 2011 – 11:09 AM | 24 Comments
Introducing “Revolting Snacks of America: A Field Guide”!

Above, a clump of Choco Balls. Yes, “really.”
Join the disgusting fun at Bunting Alimentary Research Foundation HQ — bookmark Revolting Snacks of America: A Field Guide today! But…not at lunchtime!

Paddysnack
March 7, 2011 – 12:08 PM | 58 Comments
Paddysnack

During a quick run to the deli for coffee and kitty litter, I spotted a sign at the dollar store: “HAPPY EASTER.” That means it’s Peep season. Even better, that means it’s “guess the brand …

And Then There Were Three
March 1, 2011 – 9:17 PM | 90 Comments
And Then There Were Three

Mabel, formerly “Mei-Mei,” formerly “Betty,” arrived at my house July 4th weekend as a foster cat, tiny, bitter, and silent. At first, she hid on a bathroom shelf, and tried to impersonate a Scrubbing Bubble …

Word Of The Day: “chianteeth”
February 16, 2011 – 9:01 AM | 9 Comments
Word Of The Day: “chianteeth”

chianteeth (kee-ahn-teeth). n. 1. Discoloration of the teeth, lips, and tongue due to consumption of red wine. 2. The relative state of inebriation accompanying said discoloration, and resulting difficulty in denying same. Syn.: “grin-ot noir,” …

The NC Double Scrooge: Your “Champion”
December 28, 2010 – 1:51 PM | 4 Comments
The NC Double Scrooge: Your “Champion”

Many odious aspects of the holidays entered…one left. And that one, with 35% of the vote in our final poll, is: “The alleged ‘War on Christmas’ annually fabricated by conservatives”!
Thanks so much for participating in …

The NC Double Scrooge Finals: Dash Away All
December 22, 2010 – 11:56 AM | 36 Comments
The NC Double Scrooge Finals: Dash Away All

The moment has come, my embittered and exhausted friends. Pull your eyes away from UPS’s tracking screen, yank that contested length of ribbon away from the feline in your life, and vote for the nadir …

The NC Double Scrooge Semifinals: Round Two
December 19, 2010 – 1:06 PM | 35 Comments
The NC Double Scrooge Semifinals: Round Two

Ack: December dates that start with 2! Travel stressing, muffling Barbie’s dream house in six miles of wrapping paper, sitting bolt upright at 3:28 AM all “stocking stuffers, shit shit shit,” not to mention the …