Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

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Articles in Stories, True and Otherwise

Plane down in the Hudson
January 15, 2009 – 4:55 PM | 33 Comments

From what I see right now on NY1, Circle Line boats have come to the crash site to pull survivors from the water.   That’s US Airways 1549 out of LGA bound for Charlotte.
Hope everyone’s …

As promised…
January 13, 2009 – 4:04 PM | 24 Comments

Sadie The Cat-Tormenting Tomato.
Anticlimactic, kind of, because the padding in the tomato suit radically reduces the risk of   injury, but I said I’d do it, so: done.
And I’d like to tell you my apartment …

Nikolupdate: A word from Captain Sunbeam
January 13, 2009 – 2:57 PM | 24 Comments
Nikolupdate: A word from Captain Sunbeam

Awww.   The tsar is doing very well; his thyroid is back to functioning at normal levels, and he’s even put on some weight.   Thanks for the update, Leila and Matt.

Update: Nate The Christmas Kitty Finds A Home
January 7, 2009 – 1:00 AM | 18 Comments
Update: Nate The Christmas Kitty Finds A Home

From our faithful cat-placement correspondent Nacho:
Nate went to his new family on Friday.   Like the ridiculously perfect kitty heis, he didn’t even make a chirp during the car ride.   (He doesn’t meow; hechirps.) …

Dr. Robinson 2, moles 0
December 16, 2008 – 1:11 PM | 134 Comments
Dr. Robinson 2, moles 0

Tuesday December 2, I visit the dermatologist for a routine skin check, which I do every six months.Dr. Robinson biopsies two moles from my back.
Wednesday December 3, Dr. Robinson calls to inform me that one …

Andrew Johnston, RIP
October 28, 2008 – 9:06 AM | 16 Comments
Andrew Johnston, RIP

My friend Andrew Johnston passed away on Sunday.   You can read an interview I did with him on TWoP about TV criticism here.
I wish I could find the original sound file for that and …

Nikolupdate II: No, This Is Not Turning Into “One Of Those Cat Blogs”
October 21, 2008 – 9:32 PM | 37 Comments
Nikolupdate II: No, This Is Not Turning Into “One Of Those Cat Blogs”

But I thought you’d want to know, per Matt, that Nikolai has had a bath, behaved himself very well in the process, and is settling in nicely:
After surveying his new home, Niko has found his …

Proshai, Nikolai
October 21, 2008 – 1:04 PM | 37 Comments
Proshai, Nikolai

I am so very very happy to announce that Nikolai has just left for his new digs.   Leila and Matt will take excellent care of him (starting with the bath that I, without a …

Sparkling Conversation: A Few Highlights
October 20, 2008 – 9:17 PM | 24 Comments
Sparkling Conversation: A Few Highlights

Nikolai: “Rrr.”
Hobey: “…”
Nikolai: “Rrrrrrrr.”
Hobey: “…”
Nikolai: “…Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
Hobey: “…”
five minutes later, from under couch
Hobey: “…Rrrrrrrrrrrr rrr rrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrr rrrr, rrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrr RRRR RRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! RRR!!!!1!“
Sarah: “Good one.”
*****
Nikolai: “Rrrrrrrrr.”
Little Joe: “Ggggglllhh.”
Sarah: “HA HA HA HA …

Nikolupdate
October 20, 2008 – 10:32 AM | 57 Comments
Nikolupdate

“In Soviet Russia, cat adopt you, okehhhhh?”
Niko is coming home to my apartment this afternoon.   This is not going to make me very popular with the ranking felines, but the kind woman at Feline …